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Miscarriage support for sister

(6 Posts)
Sophilicious Tue 27-Sep-16 13:12:11

Hi all,
Just heard sad news that my little sister is probably miscarrying at the moment. I didn't even know she was pregnant as she's about 7 weeks. She's booked in for a scan tomorrow to clarify.
Anyway, what can I do to support her? I'm currently 23 weeks pregnant myself so very aware that she might not want to be around me. I feel very upset on her behalf, and sad that I can't just go round and hug her.
Can anyone suggest practical things I could do?
I have sent her a short message saying I'm here for her if she needs me.
Thank in advance

Endmoor1405 Sun 09-Oct-16 19:50:46

Sorry to hear about your sister's loss. I was in a similar situation with my best friend when I miscarried at 10 weeks. I'll agree with you that she may not want to see you- although I would say that she's more likely to want to see you the less pregnant you look. My best friend has waited until she's 33 weeks pregnant to bother to want to come and see me and I just can't right now, but at 23 weeks it might have been ok (but that's another story altogether!!)

The nicest thing someone did for us was to cook- we didn't really feel like eating and I definitely didn't feel like cooking, but having someone send round a cottage pie meant we actually ate well for a couple of days and we felt better for it. I also sent myself a bloom and wild subscription because I was sick of the house being a sad place. I love flowers and the words "a flower blooms simply for its own joy" really made me smile.

I love that you are thinking of how hard it will be for her to see you. I wish a lot of people (in some cruel twist of fate I have 11 friends pregnant at around the same stage as I was) had just come to me and said that they know it might be hard but they'd like to see me if I want to. Just chat to her and tell her that whatever she wants to do about seeing you is ok and that you understand. And don't hold her feelings against her- I'm a couple of months on now and I still cry almost daily and feel very bitter and jealous towards pregnant women. We know these thoughts and feelings are irrational but it's just what grief does to us, and we really are sorry for even thinking them.

I hope you manage to give her a cuddle flowers

wowwee123 Sun 09-Oct-16 19:55:40

dont send or give flowers.

as pp said cook or takeaway vouchers however i would hold off until the scan. things might not be as bad as she thinks.

a little momento to mark her loss would be nice. something to keep. some people like to have a rose bush or a tree, i would have likely killed that though so i dont know.

i got a lovely plaque from a friend when i miscarried which was nice.

Endmoor1405 Sun 09-Oct-16 20:07:54

I didn't say to send or give flowers. I said I sent myself flowers. It wasn't a suggestion

wowwee123 Sun 09-Oct-16 20:17:06

sorry end i didnt read your full post and hadnt realised you had mentioned them.

its a personal thing anyway. to me, flowers die and i didnt need any more 'dieing' things around me if that makes sense.

when my son was stillborn i got a huge bunch from work and i couldnt bare them in the house.

i'm sorry, should have read the full post.

RoseAnnear Tue 18-Oct-16 00:53:54

It will be tough for you both. Everything is much more complicated than this but in a nutshell I lost my babies and immediately after found out my sister in law and best friend were pregnant. Ouch. It Pangea but not in a 'a want your baby' way. I wanted my babies. I struggled a bit with it because my due date would have been so close so I am watching them grow and seeing a mirror or where I should be. Hopefully this won't be a factor for your sister. All I can say is don't block her out of your pregnancy. You need her too and you and you can help each other. I was so pissed my friend didn't tell me initially as I've been the first to know for her 2 previous pregnancies. It wasn't normal behaviour and I need some normal right now.

Just be mindful of her feelings. She's your sister, you know her. I hope you find a way through this x

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