Returning to work

[MsBearL26]

Just after some advice/opinions although I know everyone's different. I had a MC at 7 weeks 2 weeks ago. I haven't been able to face work and have had a barrage of texts from colleagues asking what's wrong. Eventually I told a few who I am closest too but not everyone knows. I'm due back in another week and the thought terrifies me. I work on a public counter and can't imagine dealing with some of the difficult situations we find ourselves in sometimes. Also feel if anyone asks about it I'll just cry. Find myself crying when alone in the car, at home etc but putting a brave face on in company. I only lost my dad last year and this grief, although not quite of the same nature, has knocked me sideways

[smilingthroughgrittedteeth]

I'm so sorry for your loss

Firstly it's still very early days and if you aren't ready then take more time off. I had a mmc at 14 weeks and took 5 weeks off, I'm a nanny and the thought of looking after children and holding it together just seemed too much plus my employers were very unsupportive and basically told me to get over it. I lost a baby just before Christmas, different in that I was 18+5 and gave birth to her she died in her daddies arms 3 mins after birth but my new boss was lovely and supportive and I felt ready to come back much quicker, I still had 5 weeks off but that was sorting out the funeral etc and I only work term time so 2 weeks of it was school holidays meaning I took 3 weeks off. That's my rambling way of saying there's no right or wrong but it's ok to take longer if you need it xx

[MsBearL26]

Thank you for your reply and so sorry to hear of your losses. It's my first MC and I feel so lonely. My BF has been lovely but she doesn't live local. My partner has supported me practically but I think he's finding it hard to talk about and has thrown himself into work, even being overseas for 4 nights last week. We are due to go on holiday beginning of October, wondering if it's best I get signed off u til then (that would be one additional week to my current note) then take my 2 weeks holiday as annual leave if that's allowed? Feel wrong being signed off sick and then going on holiday

[smilingthroughgrittedteeth]

I think that sounds like a good plan the only advice I can give you is to be kind to yourself.

My partner shut down after our first lost and refused to talk to me about it he viewed it as his role was to look after me whereas I felt like he didn't care and it made me feel isolated. He came with me to counselling after our daughter died and it really helped me realise it was just his coping strategy.

[smilingthroughgrittedteeth]

If you feel up to talking to other mums who have suffered loses then the miscarriage association and sands are good places for support

[Helbelle75]

I had 4 weeks off and then a week on phased return (had half term in the middle of that, and we went on our planned holiday then, which did help).
I'm a teacher, and although I love my job and the children I work with, I couldn't be around children at all. It was too big a reminder of what we'd lost.
Funnily enough, when I went back to work, they were the ones who saved me in a way, just by being normal and treating me normally, as they had no idea as to what had happened.
I had bereavement support through CRUSE, which was brilliant, extremely helpful.
There is no right or wrong way - just what is best for you.