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First miscarriage, may trigger.

(5 Posts)
Tryingtostayyoung Sat 10-Sep-16 10:30:25

Hey everyone, I'm new to these threads.
I have unfortunately suffered my first miscarriage 5+6 weeks into my secnd pregnancy. If I'm being honest something didn't feel entirely right from the beginning but I kept these thoughts to myself as DH and I had been trying for 6months and we were both so happy I wanted everything to be perfect. I woke on Thursday with cramps and light spotting which seemed normal and stopped by lunchtime, in the evening I went to the toilet and there was just blood everywhere. It carried on through the night into yesterday, we went for an emergency early scan and there was no baby, they did give us abit of hope by giving me a blood test and asking me to come back tomorrow for another to compare as it could be to early to see on a scan but I saw what came out of me, I've lost all the tenderness in my breasts and the nausea I was experiencing for the last few weeks. I have definitely miscarried.

I feel completely heartbroken, alone and numb. I loved this baby with everything in me as soon as I saw that blue line. People mean well but say things like atleast it wasn't further along and more developed, atleast this atleast that. It makes me scream inside, I don't care if it was their size of a nut, if it didn't look like a baby yet, that was MY baby and I feel like I failed in protecting it. Everytime I went to the toilet and saw the blood, that was my baby dying and I couldn't stop it. I don't know what to do, I don't know how to process these feelings, I suppose I'm looking for support from women who have experienced this as no one I am close to has ever had one. Thank you.

MonkeyPoozzled76 Sat 10-Sep-16 14:09:52

Hello trying, I am so sorry you are here with us, but you are not alone. There are lots of ladies on this board who have been where you are right now, myself included.

I too have nobody in real life to talk to as I didn't know anyone who had suffered a loss and I agree that it's such a difficult thing to understand unless you've been through it yourself. Everything you have written is exactly how I felt, I couldn't have explined my feelings any better than you have. It's about three weeks since I found out about my missed miscarriage now and although I'm am still heartbroken the overwhelming massive shock of it all has receded somewhat. It's still the foremost thing in my mind but I am feeling I can process this all a little more as time goes on. I've had some brilliant support from people on here and I've also spoken to a lady on the Miscarriage Association help line which was a comfort as all of their volunteers have suffered a miscarriage too so completely understand everything.

Look after yourself and be kind to yourself, keep talking to us whenever you need. flowers

Tryingtostayyoung Sat 10-Sep-16 14:20:36

MonkeyPoozzled76 thank you. Just reading your message makes me feel like I'm not alone and that it will get better because right now it's like I'm in a black hole.
I have lots of support from DH, family and friends but I don't feel like anyone really understands. My husband has been amazing through every second whilst I know he is also grieving but the few times I have opened up I can see that my feelings are to dark for him, tbh they are to dark for me too. They consume me.

Thanks for the advice.

Caken Sat 10-Sep-16 14:35:23

It's awful, I've been there and I think no matter what anyone says it will never be the right thing because it's such a shitty thing to happen.

It's utterly heartbreaking as it's not just the baby itself that you've lost, but the plans and hopes and dreams you've made in your mind since you had the positive pregnancy test. It doesn't matter how early the pregnancy was lost, that was a baby and you loved it.

Take as much time as you need to regroup and heal up emotionally. Look after yourself and be selfish if you need to be. I shut myself away for a few days so I could grieve and feel better physically as well as start on the emotional road to feeling better. I couldn't deal with well-meaning comments and other people's grief. It took me a fair few weeks to get past being constantly tearful. It's a complicated thing to go through and no two experiences are the same. Do whatever you need to in order to make yourself feel better.

No one says anything to try and upset you, they say what they think is the right thing to say. My wonderful MIL told me perhaps it was time to stop trying and to be glad about everything we already had 🙄. I had lots of 'it wasn't meant to be' type comments, not helpful at all as I felt my baby was definitely meant to be.

Look after and be kind to yourself. Take any advice and nice comments you find helpful and ignore anything else flowersflowers

Dustpan Sat 10-Sep-16 18:39:38

Hello OP I'm afraid I have t got anything useful to say because I'm just going through my first mc myself but I wanted to say I echo and appreciate how much you loved your baby. The pain we are feeling is the other side of the coin - when we love deeply we are always opening ourselves up to the risk of pain.

One well-meaning friend told me I made things worse for myself because I'd been talking to my baby before I fell asleep & telling him/her I loved them - she said I should have tried to avoid any emotional connection until I was safely past the 12 week scan. I appreciate that approach may work for her, but it's not for me. I don't regret letting myself feel love for my baby and I hope you don't either x

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