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Miscarriage at 40 or over - secondary infertility

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monkeytree Fri 09-Sep-16 14:55:11

Hi

I have 2 dd's and very grateful for them. I have battled infertility for second DD and was fortunate to have her just before I turned 40. Then I very unexpectedly became pregnant again at 41 (which I suspect was to do with breastfeeding hormones) only to go on to have a late miscarriage.

I have little hope that I will have another Dc now (I'm now 42) and have been ttc with no sign of a bfp over the past 16 months.

Anyone else in a similar boat? I heard today that someone else I used to work with is pregnant again at 40 and quite frankly it smarts and this is despite having 2 dd's.

I have had enough of all of this heart break. This infertility battle has gone on for 5 years, granted, I have a lovely DD to show for it but I also have the agony of losing my ds at 20 weeks. I quite frankly, don't want to hear of pregnancies or see pregnant women everywhere, I want to get on with my life but not sure how. The world keeps turning as the say. To most eyes, I have the 'norm' 2.4 children but somehow it doesn't feel like that, literally someone is missing from the family. Why can't I close the book and move on, some of my friends dh's are having vasectomies after their second or going through the menopause. Whilst, I feel this is drastic in preventing further Dc, part of me wishes the early menopause which I am promised would happen and not keep me dangling in this awful place of being not being completely infertile but being highly infertile. I should be grateful I've had my miracle right.....but what I feel is anger and sadness and frustration.
I really think I've lost hope, I've stopped taking vitamins and started comfort eating as well as drinking wine none of these are conducive to ttc. I need to get my body back in shape but there seems little point doing it just for me and that seems incredibly sad, it's like the incentive has gone.

I was grateful to have 2 dd's before I lost my third Dc. Everyone I know seems to have gone on to have another Dc following miscarriage but being older with few eggs this is unlikely for me. Demoralising, devastating and one hell of a hit on self esteem. I feel I've had enough of it all but can't seem to leave it all behind.

Anyone else relate?

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