Hoping for the best, Preparing for the worst

[HepKestrel]

Hi,
ttc1

after almost 10 weeks with no period i finally had a bfp (multiple bfn including blood test before then. Had a scan which measured me a 6w2. The lady said she could see the heartbeat, i'll have to trust her ! wasn't clear to me. Anyway on friday, (7+4), no heartbeat, and it looked as if the fetal pole had shrank. Scanner-man said it was inclusive as it was so early (but my dates are a complete mess). Anyway, another scan this friday to know for sure.

As you can imagine, i have had a bit of a rollercoaster, and want to focus on practicalities of preparing for the worst.

yesterday I have noticed that my bra size has reduced and my boobs are much less tender. I am assuming this is a sign my hormones are reducing. I have zero cramping or spotting. I am pretty much symptomless.

now for the questions:

1. I have decided to cancel a work trip to europe this week, as I do not want to risk a miscarriage abroad. Am I overreacting? tbh, this is a meeting i can get out of easily. The problem is a meeting in europe (mon-fri) next week..... but i can wait till the next scan to worry about that.
   
   
2. how much warning(if any) do you get?
   
   
3. what supplies should i carry with me at all times? I can not barricade myself at home! At present i have a wad of thick sanitary towels and clean knickers in bag in handbag. Any other discreet items i should arm myself with? Am prepared to hide more stuff in a "gym bag" (change of trousers?). I work 20-40minutes from home by car.

[ozmund]

Hello Kestrel
I'm sorry you are going through such an ordeal. I agree, wait til the scan on Friday and then make decisions about future meetings, just take it one step at a time.

It is difficult to say when a miscarriage will kick in (if this is what it is). With my first, I had spotting before I knew anything was wrong and it took around 12 days. With my second and third I had no spotting, just 'felt' something was wrong,which was confirmed by scan, and I had medical management as I work quite a way from home/couldn't face telling work or having it happen while at work.

Until you have the scan I would stick with the knickers, pads etc. and some paracetamols. For my first mc, the bleeding only started very slowly so I had plenty of warning. But I would definitely take time off and not go away for work if the bleeding starts and then gets heavier.

I really hope you get more reassurance at your next scan on Friday xx

[HepKestrel]

thanks ozmund

I think the reason I cancelled the trip this week is just the thought of it happening on a work trip abroad fills me with dread. And thats before any possible travel/health insurance implications.

I'll certainly pick up some paracetamols.

[SharkBastard]

Sorry to read this.

I've miscarried twice and each time started with light spotting then progressively got worse as the day went on. I recommend a decent painkiller, I used solpadeine as it helped the pain more and let me sleep a bit too. Plenty of pads to hand, spare knickers if you're out an about and keep an eye out for your tempreature. I knew when I passed the sac, so felt better after that.

I was also surprised by how well I coped mentally, so don't feel guilty if you feel okish after

Please take care of yourself

[HepKestrel]

thanks shark
sorry this happened to you twice.

Why does no one in rl talk about miscarriages???

[SharkBastard]

I know! I'm really open about mine, I have an 8 year old daughter, and people often ask when am I going to have another! I always say "I've had 2 miscarriages so it's not for the want of trying" which always shocks them. Don't be so bloody nosey if you don't want to talk about miscarriage.

We all need to be prepared and talk about it! It's not a taboo, it's something so many of us go through! I'm currently 7+1 weeks...my last 2 miscarriages ended before 7 weeks but what miscarriage does is causes your future pregnancies to be more realistic and less joyful, that's what I hate about them.

Take care of yourself and take as much time off as you need and make sure you're well

[HepKestrel]

oh fx for your current pregnancy !

I wish you well. Do you mind me asking, after having miscarriages, do you still have to wait till the normal 12w scan, or do you have the opportunity to have an earlier one?

(tbh next time i won't aim to have one before 8w. Being told scans are "inconclusive" is not that helpful).

I "knew" the risk of miscarriage before 12w, but there is "knowing" and "knowing" IYKWIM ?

OH and I were both trying not to look ahead and planning anything too early, but after the first scan we dared to start talking about how we would rearrange the spare room etc.... ah well.

I am oddly looking forward to the scan on friday? (if thats the right description)..... It is the limbo I don't like. Once I know, i can move forward.

I guess I didn't know how OH would be.... tbf I didn't know how I would be ! but OH is being fantastically (practically and emotionally) supportive whilst clearly gutted himself.

[SharkBastard]

I have my booking in this week so will see what the midwife says regarding scans. We had a private scanumber last pregnancy and I lost it the next day so I won't bother till the 12w I think.

The NHS only have my 2nd miscarriage on record as I worried about retaining, my first one I just dealt with at home (as I did with the 2nd eventually).

I'm glad your DH is being practical and supporting you, it's really what you need at this time.

Plenty of fluids and rest for you!

[HepKestrel]

thanks tinkly i'll take a look.