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Partner pregnant thru IVF.... Long story lots of questions

(21 Posts)
Chemistria Sat 03-Sep-16 21:52:59


Every time I use mumsnet I find the replies honest and helpful , I usually post on the "other" site but my girlfriend also uses that and I don't want her to see what I'm thinking and worrying about.

This is a long story so I'll try to keep it brief as possible, just looking for advice I guess .... Or just someone to talk to.

Been together 5 years, have 1 son who I carried. Girlfriend (let's call her L) has always wanted to also experience pregnancy and have her own biological child.

She had a blighted ovum over a year ago, I posted on here then and had some great replies. It was hard but she kept a lot of it to herself and is outwardly strong but I realised after a few months it had been incredibly hard for her (which I know sounds obvious but she can act so strong sometimes I forget she's vulnerable too)

After that we continued trying for her to conceive, using different donors and finally started IVF treatment last year. She had embies frozen with one clinic and donated her eggs at the same time , she wasn't ready to have the embies put back in at that point.

FF to this year, the donor I used for our son is her brother and he said he was moving quite far away and as I knew I wanted to carry another child one day, we (me and L) decided I should try again for a sibling for our son before her bro moved away. I was incredibly lucky to catch first time and am now 21 weeks pregnant.

(This might sound a bit mental now) but i could see much as she is happy for me / us she was struggling with the fact it wasn't her to be going to scans etc , I said to her if she wanted to have the embies back in at any point I'd support her and I think we could cope (financially, emotionally etc) I know it would be hell of a challenge but we know we want more children, the age gap doesn't scare either of us.

(Trying to keep this short as poss)

So she had 2 embies transferred in August. We were ecstatic when she got BfP on 17th but now it seems to be going wrong and I'm completely heartbroken for her as I can see how absolutely terrified she is that she's losing it.

She started bleeding a week ago, a bit of brown blood. For 2 days. We rang the clinic and she went in 2 days apart for blood tests to test HCG level. She was 5w 2 days and HCG was 13500 which is high (for that gestation) . 2 days later it was 18500. Which obviously wasn't anywhere near double. The nurse said prepare for MC and also gave us the signs to watch for ectopic. Heard this on the way to work and we both cried.... This was yesterday. Then I rang back and asked if we could bring the scan forward to yesterday instead of monday.

We went, and low and behold there was a sac, yolk, fetal pole and the finest heartbeat.

The doctor said it was likely she'd had twins but lost one which was why she bled last monday. But they couldn't be sure. They came up with that hypothesis because of her initial HCG level.

This evening she's started having stringy brown stuff. She said she feels like it's doomed now. I desperately need to be strong for her but again I feel like I don't know how to be the best I can for her, I'm hormonal myself and terrified for her, how this is going to affect her.

Do we have hope .... We saw a heartbeat yesterday. :,( she's on progesterone 4 times a day and oestrogen , I've read the pessaries can cause bleeding but am I just clinging to hope.

We've got our precious little baby that I'm carrying due next year but in our hearts and heads we'd made space for this other tiny miracle joining soon after.

Feel like that was the longest essay ever.

I know this might seem crazy but that's just our life. I don't really know what I'm hoping to hear, does anyone think we should be optimistic?

Thanks in advance, for reading this if you managed to get to the end.

Banana82 Sun 04-Sep-16 19:32:36

Hello. I didn't want to leave your post unanswered. I'm sorry you are both going through this. I can only speak from experience. I have a DS who is 2 and I bled pretty much up to 20 weeks with him. Sometimes just brown spotting, other times bright red.

I had a miscarriage last month which was sudden large amounts of red blood. I never saw a heartbeat.

You've seen a heartbeat which is a good sign. It's such early days and can go either way. For now take heart that it's beating and just be there for her.

I'm very much like your partner and bottle things up. It's hard when you are pregnant yourself to have to deal with this as well. Try and stay positive for her and I wish you both all the best.

Chemistria Tue 06-Sep-16 19:49:55

Hi Banana thanks so much for replying. So sorry to hear about your MC last month sad that's awful.

We have a scan for her tomorrow so fingers crossed it will have a grown a little and still have a HB. She's feeling very sick the last few days so that must be a good sign?

Hope you're ok x

Banana82 Tue 06-Sep-16 21:48:37

Good luck to you both for her scan. I will keep my fingers crossed. Do come back and let me know how you got on. x

Chemistria Wed 07-Sep-16 04:29:33

She's started bleeding tonight 😢😢😢 oh I feel so helpless and hurt for her. Still praying there's some sort of happy outcome but this time it's reddish orange blood. She's gone through so much I just want to cry but I don't want to in front of her. She just gets angry at herself and keeps asking what's wrong with her (that she can't carry).

I'm very very sleep deprived and emotional but I'll let you know what happens tomorrow x

Foxtato Wed 07-Sep-16 04:40:55

I hope for the best. So sorry to you both for what she's experienced.

Bubbinsmakesthree Wed 07-Sep-16 05:10:20

Bleeding in early pregnancy is very common - I know lots of people who have had bleeding who went on to have perfectly health pregnancies.

Obviously it's a very worrying and anxious time but having seen a heartbeat is a very hopeful sign. Hope the scan brings good news flowers

Chemistria Wed 07-Sep-16 08:01:00

Thanks Foxtato and Bubbins. I hope so too. I've read that bleeding is common on the pessaries, let's hope it's "just" that. Thanks for letting me vent on here, haven't got anyone else to talk to that isn't either directly involved and I don't want to upset them, or I can't tell as its so early in the pregnancy. X

Northernlurker Wed 07-Sep-16 08:07:04

Lots of people bleed and you know she has lost one of the embryos but you saw a heartbeat. It ain't over till it's over. Hope you get good news.
Once when I was bemoaning the bad luck somebody close to me had compared to the good fortune I was showered with, somebody said to me 'don't feel guilty, you didn't steal her luck' I don't know if that is how you feel but if it is be kind to yourself. She isn't struggling to carry because you found it easy. You haven't stolen her luck.

Chemistria Wed 07-Sep-16 09:55:18


Yeah do feel a bit like that, not that she ever makes me feel it but I do wonder why things are so hard for her. She got severe OHSS from the egg collection in June and was in hospital for a week in immense pain, I was just hoping she would have it easier after that.

She says she doesn't feel sick anymore. Just waiting for the clinic to ring back.

Yea you're right it isn't over until they tell us otherwise. Hope the little Frosty is still there with its flickering heart. X

Chemistria Wed 07-Sep-16 17:25:33

Frosty is ok!! 😍 Doubled in size since last monday and heartbeat was good.

Thanks for all your replies I just hope this is the last time of bleeding for her. Xx

Bubbinsmakesthree Wed 07-Sep-16 17:27:40

Wonderful news! smile

Northernlurker Wed 07-Sep-16 18:39:37

Go frosty!!!

AlbusPercival Wed 07-Sep-16 18:47:17

Brilliant news smile

Banana82 Wed 07-Sep-16 19:27:42

Aww lovely news!! So pleased for you both X

Foxtato Wed 07-Sep-16 20:10:03

Yay, I'm so relieved... lovely news.
Well done little Frosty smile

bekindtome Wed 07-Sep-16 20:12:59

So pleased for both of you. I had a lot of bleeding in my last pregnancy it lasted 12 week and every time it was a big bleed I thought that was it, dc3 is now 20 weeks. The pregnancies I have lost all had minimal or no bleed. Good luck to both of you.

Chemistria Wed 07-Sep-16 20:36:30

Aww thanks all of you 😌 Feel all emotional now with all the rooting for Frosty 😊 Such a stressful time but we'll just keep going. Xx

Chemistria Mon 03-Oct-16 21:53:21

Frosty update, had 10w scan on Saturday, h it was so sweet , he / she was waving their little stumpy arms and legs around.

OH finally started bonding with it as she's been so scared (still having odd episodes of brown bleeding) now she's had more tonight and as always she thinks this is "it".

Hate seeing her so down!

And I bloody wish she'd stop getting this, but 2 scans now have shown a small synchronic haematoma (?) so I'm thinking that's why it's happening.

Desmondo2016 Tue 04-Oct-16 08:35:11

wow what a story! it all sounds pretty hopeful at the moment so I'm keeping everything crossed for you both! how's your pregnancy going? you sound like a wonderful partner so don't forget you/your pregnancy is special too

Chemistria Tue 04-Oct-16 14:25:14

Thanks Desmondo that's nice of you to say smile mine's going well thank you, having a little girl , and I'm finishing work end of November so it's seeming really close now even though she's not due till early Jan. So excited.

It's so weird us both being pregnant but so nice too, we can both moan to each other and know how the other is feeling etc, just hope it goes well for both of us , the birth etc and the rest of the pregnancies x

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