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Termination at five months - heartbreaking story

(81 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

Ruth404 Thu 04-Aug-16 11:30:31

Oh God, has anyone read this? This poor woman had to end her baby's life when she discovered she wouldn't have been able to survive. I can't even get my head around what that must've been like.

BeardMinge Thu 04-Aug-16 12:30:50

Not entirely sure why you think posting this in the 'Pregnancy' section of the site is a good idea?

BeardMinge Thu 04-Aug-16 12:31:38

...and no, I haven't read it and don't intend to.

KatherineMumsnet (MNHQ) Thu 04-Aug-16 12:42:28

Hi there, we're going to move this over to Chat, as we don't think it's in the best place here.

fuctifino Thu 04-Aug-16 12:45:10

Sad but she has an awful turn of phrase in that article.

Ruth404 Thu 04-Aug-16 12:48:40

I'm so sorry - I really didn't mean to cause hurt or offence. It happened to my friend many years ago and at the time she didn't know where to go to speak to people who'd had a similar experience. I thought it would be helpful. I can't apologise enough.

Maraschino Thu 04-Aug-16 13:00:56

Something similar happened to me, though it was Turners syndrome and fetal hydrops. I find it quite cathartic to read her story as sometimes it feels a very lonely thing to happen to you, its not something I have ever met anyone else having direct experience of.

Not sure why posting this in the pregnancy section is a bad idea? It is part of what may happen in pregnancy. I am currently 38 weeks pregnant with my second daughter and I'm not offended, and my past experience is playing on my mind as I head towards labour this time. I think if I had been more aware that these can happen the first time round it might not have completely blown my life apart. I split from my husband 5 months after this happened to me after 13 years together - it wasn't easy.

Also not sure what her turn of phrase has to do with anything? Her experience, her words. Not sure why you are being jumped on here OP, thank you from me for posting it.

LifeIsGoodish Thu 04-Aug-16 13:05:46

I read it. I wept. She is right. Why do you have to cope in stoic British secrecy? She is a comedian, she used her own phrasing.

I sometimes make hats or blankets for my local hospital's maternity department. I never truly understood the importance.

RobinsAreTerritorialFuckers Thu 04-Aug-16 13:17:15

Poor woman.

FWIW I think she writes very well - it sounds light-hearted at the beginning, which is clearly how she felt, and that allows you to see how much it hit her like a ton of bricks when it all became so tragic.

I wish we did talk more about the reasons why women have late-term abortions. So many people seem to think it's all 'selfish' teenagers or women who 'change their minds,' and actually it's most often this sort of story, isn't it? It's women who know their baby would not survive. Personally, I am horrified by the thought of forcing a baby that is going to die very shortly, through the trauma of birth. It seems utterly inhumane to me.

Sorry, bit of a rant, but I am so glad her story has been published, and that she found the words to write about it.

catinthecradle Thu 04-Aug-16 13:20:09

Threads in Chat are removed 90 days after the thread was started. Why does anyone think it's a good idea to move this thread there?

It's a horribly sad story, but needs to be shared and not hidden. If you don't want to read about a termination at 5 months, please do not read, but the subject needs to be accessible for someone who needs it. Why the need for secrecy?

If a mother needs any help and support at one time only, surely this is the one!

RobinsAreTerritorialFuckers Thu 04-Aug-16 13:22:52

I agree very strongly - hope MNHQ will reconsider and put this somewhere other than Chat.

Apart from the time issue, it also trivialises this loss. I certainly don't feel 'chatty' about it.

Could it not be put in Pregnancy with a warning on it?

I've never been in this woman's situation, but it seems so cruel her story should be excluded from Pregnancy, when we all know that some pregnancies do have tragic outcomes.

anastasiakrupnik Thu 04-Aug-16 13:24:07

Thank you for posting this.

January87 Thu 04-Aug-16 13:27:43

Women in Ireland that are told their babies will not survive and want the choice to end the pregnancy have to travel to the UK, they will not terminate for medical reasons here at all.

HeddaLettuce Thu 04-Aug-16 13:31:04

Sad but she has an awful turn of phrase in that article

I think she can use whatever turn of phrase that she likes, to talk about her own experience.

BeardMinge Thu 04-Aug-16 13:32:00

Personally I feel it would be better placed in any one of the following... Bereavement, Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss, Pregnancy Choices.

Pretty much every woman who is, or who ever has been pregnant, is well aware that some pregnancies have tragic outcomes. I just don't feel it sits well in amongst the 'Can you see a line?!?!', 'Scared about my 12 week scan', 'Can I eat brie' threads. But I accept that it's a personal view, and I'm not the thread police.

LifeIsGoodish Thu 04-Aug-16 13:32:15

I agree that this is important and should not be lost after 90days, so am reporting.

RobinsAreTerritorialFuckers Thu 04-Aug-16 13:34:56

I think any of the places beard suggests would be good. Just not somewhere where it can be lost, and where the tone is more lighthearted.

GobblersKnob Thu 04-Aug-16 13:36:51

I think it's beautiful, and heart wrenching and very well written and if she wished to share her experience then that is her choice.

SideOrderofChip Thu 04-Aug-16 13:37:24

This made me cry.

FiveFullFathoms Thu 04-Aug-16 13:46:15

How terribly, terribly sad. Awful.

I think she writes bravely and honestly. And I absolutely agree with Hedda that she can choose to describe her experience in any way she wants to.

Mummamayhem Thu 04-Aug-16 13:50:20

I think it is brilliantly written and very obviously pregnancy related.

sparechange Thu 04-Aug-16 13:50:55

I went through a nearly-identical situation, and know only too well the pressure to pretend it didn't happen, minimise and keep quiet

Don't scare pregnant women with your horror stories, don't make strangers and acquaintances feel awkward when they ask you if you have children or how many you have, perfect your 'oh well, life goes on' response when people tell you it is 'sad'.

Fetal abnormalities aren't contagious. Reading about it won't affect your pregnancy any more than reading about babies being breach in your book will make it happen.

When I lost my baby, DH and I found out we had 2 sets of friends who had been through something similar. It is more devastatingly common than you might realise, but our absurd social code means people don't talk about it, even when they need to. My stillbirth opened the floodgates with a few friends who have been desperate to talk about their own MCs but never felt able to bring it up in 'polite conversation'.

It shouldn't be like this, it really shouldn't.

YabuDabbaDoo Thu 04-Aug-16 13:53:02

Just want to support the OP's decision to post this in pregnancy. Why should pregnancies with less than happy endings be swept aside into silence? Speaking from experience here.

SlimCheesy2 Thu 04-Aug-16 13:53:56


jojo2916 Thu 04-Aug-16 13:55:22

Totally agree I can't believe some feel this ladies pregnancy does not deserve to be talked about in the pregnancy situation. It is her experience of pregnancy, many pregnancies have tragic outcomes it is a fact of life and those who have experienced it need more support than ever not made to feel their darling babies and pregnancies are too taboo to be talked about in a pregnancy discussion shame on you mumsnet hq for agreeing to remove this thread from the pregnancy topic.

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