MMC and the aftermath

[Rosti1981]

This was my 4th pregnancy (DD was no 1, then ectopic, DS was no 3, then this one). It wasn't planned but it wasn't unwanted either. I started bleeding at 5 weeks and scan was inconclusive (showed sac and fetal pole but no hb), repeat scan at 6 weeks showed no development so I opted to go home to miscarry naturally. Luckily(?) I stopped feeling physically pregnant while I waited, otherwise I would have really struggled with feeling nauseous/exhausted but knowing it would amount to nothing.

I finally started bleeding 12 days later and had the miscarriage at 9 weeks. It wasn't too bad physically, manageable with lots of hot baths and co-codamol, although when I was scanned it wasn't clear whether it had completed (30 minutes after the scan I think I passed the sac whilst in hospital though)... anyway another follow up scan this coming Wednesday just to make sure.

I feel like I've been so strong throughout the early pregnancy (dealing with some significant DH problems and supporting him), learning preg wasn't viable, waiting for the miscarriage and then the actual mc. Now I am falling apart though, physically and emotionally. Blood tests showed I am anaemic now, I can barely walk up a flight of stairs, I am breathless and dizzy and exhausted. I am also very very emotional and panicky. Even though this baby wasn't planned, it was wanted, I know I am so lucky to have two healthy DCs but knowing that almost makes my panicky feelings worse as I envisage something happening to them. DH has worked at home to help practically as much as possible and we are leaning on friends too, but it feels like I just keep take take taking and cant give anything back. DH has had to return to the office tlday and I'm in pieces about it. Apparently he probably won't be able to come to the (hopefully) final scan on Wednesday because of work. I feel so alone now and because this whole thing has dragged on so long, I feel that others' patience has worn thin with it. Actually I was sort of ok between the scan and the actual mc (obviously upset and in limbo, but physically ok and able to keep going and keep things relatively normal for the DCs). Now I am falling apart but it feels like I should be over it already because now it's happened. Actually i am physically at my worst and really sad/tearful. And I feel horribly guilty about my inability to do much with my two DCs.

I know this will pass eventually, but I am just so fed up right now.

[Banana82]

Hi Rosti. I couldn't read and not reply. Just because you have gone through the physical side of things doesn't mean you should be "over it". You need the grieve the loss and that takes time. Whether the baby was planned or not makes no difference. It was wanted. That's what matters.

Your hormones will be eveywhere at the moment which doesn't help things. Give yourself time to heal.

I was told Tuesday I had had a miscarriage at just over 8 weeks and it's a truely awful time. Take care of yourself.