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Going through silent/missed miscarriage- Advice please

(8 Posts)
EmilieRushmere91 Fri 22-Jul-16 07:17:25

I just wondered if anyone who has been in my situation could give me some advice? My husband and I went for our 12 week scan two days ago (on Wednesday, it is now Friday). We were told that our baby was measuring smaller than it should and that they could not find a heartbeat. We were so shocked and upset because we didn't know anything was wrong. Our only DD who is nearly 6 has Spina Bifida, so we are yet to have a 'happy, everything is OK' scan.
I have chosen to have the surgical procedure to remove the baby. I am waiting for a date to go in, but at the moment I am all over the place as to what to do in the meantime. If I don't hear of a date today, it will be the weekend and I'm meant to be working as normal on Mondah. Obviously my boss ect don't even know I'm pregnant, we were waiting until this scan to announce.
I don't know how I can go to work with this emotional burden over me, and I don't know how I can walk around pretending to my colleagues that everything is ok when my baby is no longer alive inside of me. Do I ask my doctor and ask for advice and a sick note? Do I tell my boss what is happening? I just really don't know. My days off are Thursday and Friday so thank God, I haven't had to go near the place since the scan.
Thanks for your help x

Swearwolf Fri 22-Jul-16 08:22:19

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I had very similar and ended up having to wait two weeks for the erpc (the foetus was small enough that they needed to wait a week to check my dates just weren't wrong, then at that scan it seemed to have grown due to hormones so I had to wait another). Do you know how long you will have to wait? I went back into work as I thought I would need the time off to recover from the erpc and didn't want to have to take a really long time off.

Like you I hadn't told work, so I went in and thankfully my boss and I were the first two in, so I told her I needed to talk to her and we found a meeting room and I just said that I'd had a scan yesterday but it wasn't good news and I'd need surgery in the next couple of weeks. They'd also told me I might well miscarry in the meantime and I did start bleeding so I went to work from home in case it all happened, which it didn't.

Could you phone or email your boss and tell them what has happened and ask to work from home? A doctors note would also be perfectly fine, and my gp was more than happy to write me one.

flowers for you

EmilieRushmere91 Sat 23-Jul-16 07:14:47

Thank you Swearwolf, I'm sorry that you went through the same sad
I called the hospital to ask when I would likely have my date to go in. They rang back and said next week. In the meantime, I have done as you did and spoke to my boss. She was really supportive and understanding and told me to take the time off that I need. My GP is also going to give me a doctors note for 10 days.
I feel better for sharing this with my boss and for getting myself organised. Thank you for your advice. In the meantime I'm just going to concentrate on taking each day as it comes until my procedure.

melsw Sun 24-Jul-16 11:11:47

Hi Emilie, sorry you find yourself here - I was in the same position a month ago. Went for our 12 week scan and measurements were smaller than they should have been. I'd had no symptoms either. I just wanted to offer some reassurance to you on the surgical procedure as I decided on this too as it didn't seem my body was going to miscarry naturally any time soon. I was very nervous about the procedure but that was the easiest part of the whole process - quick and painless and I definitely felt a sense of closure afterwards. I bled lightly on and off for a couple of weeks but all fine now and back to business with my husband! I can't wait to try again and feeling positive that next time will work out much better.
I'm glad you have an understanding boss, I do too and this helped massively.
Take care xx

Pinksx2016 Sun 24-Jul-16 11:38:51

Mmc are so cruel, im so sorry for your loss, I can remember when I had mine ,going to a scan is never the same experience again, I opted for the D&C like you and I didnt feel a thing I woke up with no pain,very bleeding I was quite surprised, I genuinly felt well I wanted to get up and just get on with it.

The doctors and everyone around me made a big fuss that I should rest and not do certain things didnt listen I forced my partner back to work the next day and i carried on as normal.

This might not apply to you as everyone is different but for me the D&C helped me mentally and physically I was scared of seeing gets whilst waiting over the weekend as my scan was of the Friday and was a bank holiday weekend so wasn't booked in til the following Tuesday nothing happened at home im glad it didn't as I was terrified,i expected my scan not to go well I had the I just knew but it didn't make it easier, I hope your getting all the support you need right now xx

Pinksx2016 Sun 24-Jul-16 11:41:06

Very little bleeding*

EmilieRushmere91 Sun 24-Jul-16 15:21:24

I really glad that the actual procedure is ok. I hope that it will give me some closure. I'm finding it really difficult to 'put on a face' now. I feel sad and completely drained all the time. I just feel like I want to go to bed and wake up when this is all over. I have my pre op tomorrow and then the D&C two days after.
What is the recovery like? When did you go back to work? My DH has his grandad's funeral on Friday (two days after my op) and I want to be able to go and support him. The funeral is 2 hours you think that I would be over doing it if I went? Or should I just play it by ear. It's just such bad timing sad Sorry, I have a thousand questions going around in my head.

Pinksx2016 Sun 24-Jul-16 16:07:40

Its still early days hun your bound to feel that way its not easy when you have a little one to look after but it does keep you sane my little girl was the reason I remained strong took me a while to get over mine, I felt hurt when everyone was announcing there pregnancies I was like why me???? I conceived a year later I'm now 13 weeks not yet had a scan and right now I am absolutely terrified To go to my scan I don't want my pregnancy to end , I'm thinking how unlucky it would be to have another one in a year it effects you in so many ways afterwards

I felt great after the op I was full of smiles I just wanted the whole thing over with and I was extremely happy to not of lost the pregnancy at home as I was scared of what I'll see, my D&C went well with absolutely no complication I hope this is the same for you, went in Hosp at 8.00 as that was when the bed came available ,they came for me at around 9 .00 the procedure was around 30 minutes and I was in recovery for two hours sleeping of the local anaesthetic ,my poor partner and dad was in the waiting room worried sick I was just making the most of a nice sleep, I was discharged at 3oclock, the nurses made a big fuss cause I wanted to walk to the car not be wheeled about in a wheel chair a soon as I was out of sight of them I walked lol

I wasn't working at that time but I got on with the house work they demand you to leave these bottle green knee high socks on for a week, if I was you I'd ask for a spare pair ,bleeding and pain was fine I've had worse period if I'm honest this helped me so much I remember going shopping a few days later also I really didn't feel as if I'd just undergone a operation ,I remember the pessaries they gave me about 30 minutes before I went to theatre and as they was wheeling me down I started getting pains but that's all I can remember from there oh and I cried for my mum when I started coming round from local anaesthetic (I'm 23 lol) the lady who was looking after me out a mask on me and then I was out of it again ,if you can have the time off take it a little rest won't hurt you if you wanna lock your self away and cry do it your aloud to feel this way don't hold it in xxxxx

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