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Friend used "our" name for her child

(13 Posts)
Flufflepuff Sun 17-Jul-16 12:42:59

... Feeling a bit sad and I KNOW I'm being unreasonable here, I honestly don't need to be told that! I have "liked" and congratulated on FB and not even mentioned it to DH.

I doubt that she even remembers the conversation (probably 6+ months ago) where I said we'd been planning to name ours X if it was a girl, Z if it was a boy, it's probably just a weird coincidence I know!

But it's felt a bit like a slap to the face ... The names we've used in our chats and heads for the past 2 years over 5 MCs and now she has one and I'll always hear updates about that child. Just feeling a bit shit.

Has anyone else had this stupid stupid feeling? When did it go away?

headinhands Sun 17-Jul-16 12:45:34

You can still use that name.

Arfarfanarf Sun 17-Jul-16 12:47:47


kate33 Sun 17-Jul-16 12:52:33

I am so sorry to read this op, you have dealt with this with a lot of grace. Can I ask if it is an unusual name? Do you think she could of forgotten where she heard it? Or is she just being incredibly unthinking and/or horrible?

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe Sun 17-Jul-16 13:08:56

I'm so sorry op.

The name means a huge amount to you and is something you have thought of every day.

To her it's a name she likes that she may remember hearing somewhere but can't remember where.

I have been in a situation where I was looking after a little boy the same age as my son would have been with the same name, and I found it so upsetting for a week or two, but after I got used to it, that child was that child, and my son was my son, and I didn't think of my son every time I used the name for the other child.

It's just a case of adjusting your thinking a bit (easier said than done I know ).

Flufflepuff Sun 17-Jul-16 13:11:23

Thank you for the flowers Arf

Oh - I know we could still use it head, although that might be seen as a bit odd in the context of our friendship group. Sort of a "couldn't you think of your own name" or inadvertent attention-seeking thing - (not that we're anyway near having a child anyway).

kate, it's not a unique name but not exactly top 100 either ... Don't want to be too identifying as I honestly don't "blame" her or anything like that, I think she's just forgotten, or perhaps never took it in. It was a very odd chat anyway where I was politely pretending to be cheery and nonchalant, so maybe she didn't clock it. Maybe I imagined telling her, that's not impossible.

It's just an irrationally sickening feeling which I was not expecting. Might try going for a walk or something.

Flufflepuff Sun 17-Jul-16 13:13:11

Thank you Elsa, and sorry you've faced the same thing. It's very odd isn't it? flowers

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe Sun 17-Jul-16 13:20:33

It really is. It's so difficult to describe. You meet people every day who have the same names as family members or friends and it doesn't matter, you can separate the two, it's so different in this instance though.

Maybe just restrict her posts on fb and give her a bit of a wide berth until you feel a bit stronger flowers

ApocalypseSlough Sun 17-Jul-16 13:32:47

Amongst my friendship group (big uni group that meets 3/4 times a year) there are several matching names across the generations but also children a few years apart- it's really lovely, like extra big sisters. It's also a validation of each other.
But it's really understandable that this feels like a big slap in the face for you now flowers

OlennasWimple Sun 17-Jul-16 13:35:39

Grief hits us in very unexpected ways flowers

Flufflepuff Sun 17-Jul-16 16:48:42

Thank you all flowers

KittyandTeal Sun 17-Jul-16 19:12:54

I have lost a girl and a boy, both a bit later on so we named them both.

It's a bit different but every time I hear a pregnancy announcement I have a pang of anxiety in case they use our names. It's not logical, it might be a bit unreasonable but that's how I feel.

It's really hard, I understandflowers

Dutchcourage Sun 17-Jul-16 19:18:52

Op I'm normally one to tell posters to move on with this kind of stuff after having ten years of infertility/eptopics/miscarriages myself but this would really sting me too. flowers

You can use the same name -absolutly. We have two cousins in our family with the same name. No one batted an eye lid.

The name was probally so pretty it stuck in your friends head and she might not have remembered your conversation.

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