18 weeks and no heartbeat

[Ponyfeet]

Hello, I'm posting to see if anyone might have an experience similar. Last Thursday night I had some brown blood then a small fresh bleed and mild/moderate cramps. I rang my midwife who advised I go to gp and then they could send me in for a scan if worried. The GP (senior and practise partner) could not find a heartbeat. By then (Friday) it was too late to go to early pregnancy and I'm not far along enough to go to maternity. So it was a horrible waiting game for an appointment first thing Monday. On Friday night the cramps got worse and on the gp advice I went to casualty. They also could not find a heartbeat but they were using an ultrasound machine not suited to pregnancy (more like one to find internal bleeding so not as detailed I believe) still cramping on and off. A dull ache like I'm about to start a heavy period. Could it be that as I'm still early ish that both the gp and doctor could not find heartbeat but midwife might be able to? A strong heartbeat was picked up straight away at 15 weeks. I'm very anemic as well, and my blood irons took a dramatic decrease and I've had to see a heamatolgist. I'm very scared that is the reason? Is there any hope for tomorrow? I've had one miscarriage before, then a healthy baby now this. Thanks in advance.

[MaccaPaccaismyNemesis]

I can't advise on medical specifics, but trust in what the doctors have told you. I wish you all the best, I've had two miscarriages and it is horrible. Wishing you all the very best

[Sophiehfz2805]

Hmm thats a hard one. It could be that everything is fine. Dont worry too much about it! As long as you've not had more intense symptoms or pain. I recently had a 19 week miscarriage.. Didnt realise until i started to have a light pink bloody discharge then leaking waters.. Found out my waters had gone and cervix was fully dilated. :( hope everything goes well for you!

[JOMH1982]

Thinking of you and wishing you all the very best. I had a 19+6 loss the same as Sophie not long before Christmas this year, same reasons. Got my fingers crossed for you xx

[Sophiehfz2805]

Jomh1982 i've not been able to speak to anyone with the similar experiences to me. Did your waters go the same way as me? (I dont know the reasons for mine yet because havent had results and things but yeah. Also my cervix was fully dilated too some how, im not sure if it was because of a weak cervix. My mind is going craZy thinking of all the reasons. All i want to do is TTC again :(

[Ponyfeet]

Thanks so much. Unfortunately my instincts were right. My baby has died. I just knew something wasn't right, like I felt detached for some reason? When I had my daughter, I always knew she was there even in the early days, if that makes sense. I have had a tablet and I am being induced on Wednesday and I am terrified. I am too scared to see my baby - which died over two weeks ago. I want to know if it is a girl or a boy and give it a special name but I'm worried that makes me a terrible person if I don't see the baby

[JOMH1982]

Oh my God, I'm so so sorry, my heart goes out to you and your family. I have a four year old girl and this felt different too. You are absolutely not a terrible person, do what you need to do, and what is right for you. My husband and his mum saw Faith before I did, I didn't want to, but worried I would regret it in future and also that my mother in law had seen her and I hadn't. In retrospect, this may sound cold hearted, but I wish I hadn't. my short term mental health hasn't been good, I have had borderline PTSD with flashbacks of her face and hands etc, it has been very painful. I just hope it gets easier as times goes on, but just do what makes things easiest for you xx so so sorry, I have tears in my eyes for you, I know the pain of the hurt too well xx

[JOMH1982]

Hi Sophie,
Yes, I had leaking waters, but by time I got to hospitals, it was too late for a rescue cerclage. I had painless dilation. Waters went but baby clung on...I developed sepsis and had to have my pregnancy terminated as baby was going to die and I would have too. I was very poorly with the sepsis and was on IV antibiotics for nearly three weeks, nearly died. The cause was either weak cervix, caused by emergency csection that ironically saved my 4 year old daughter's life, or an infection. Infection was in the placenta, but no post mortem as they didn't send papers off...such a mess. We are desperate to ttc again but husband's sperm results have come back abnormal, so may be ivf for us in future :( sad times xx I see you had strep b, I had strep a

[Sophiehfz2805]

Im so sorry to hear about that. It must be a very hard time for you right now as it has been for each and every one of us that has been through it. Just stay strong and know that your baby is a little angel. Its normal to be upset and down, its a month on for me and im still very much down in the dumps. Its up to you whether you want to see your baby but you wouldn't want to regret it if you didn't. Im thinking of you and your family.

[Sophiehfz2805]

Hi johm again,
Yeah i went in for a type of fluid, they then told me my waters had gone and when they done a speculum (vaginal examination) they found my cervix was fully open. I had no pains at all, until labour. I then stayed in hospital for 4 days. Delivered my baby on the 3rd day i was in there. He had passed away on the 2nd day. I dont know the causes yet but i hope i find out so can prevent this for next time. Im just so worried about getting pregnant again incase anything happens late on again :( i just worry way too much but i gues its normal to in situations like this

[Callwaiting]

[BipBippadotta]

I am so so sorry for your loss, Pony. It does not at all make you a terrible person if you don't want to see your baby. I have very mixed feelings about having seen my daughter who was stillborn at term - like JOHM I have flashbacks nearly 2 years on. Of course, I don't know how I would have felt if I hadn't seen her - but I felt quite pressured by the midwives into seeing and holding her when I felt terrified. You can only make the decision that feels right to you at the time, and don't be rushed into anything. Your instincts will take over, and they are there to protect you.

My heart goes out to you and I will be thinking of you on Wednesday.

[BelleEtoile]

Thinking of you Pony .
Take care xxx

[PosiePootlePerkins]

So sorry for your loss. I just wanted to say that we were advised not to see our baby, we found out at the 20 week scan that our baby had no heartbeat, and had probably died around the 17 week mark. The midwife at the time offered to show us a photo and that was enough for me. He was not sadly a perfect baby and I did not want that memory. We asked them to wrap him in one of my t shirts which felt like the right thing to do.
You must do what feels right for you of course.
Thinking of you.

[BipBippadotta]

My thoughts are with you today, Pony.

[Ilovewillow]

I'm so very sorry for your loss. You must do what feel right for you regarding seeing your son/daughter, if you don't want to see them maybe someone could take a photograph for you for later.

Thinking of you X

[Ponyfeet]

Thank you so much for your kind words. I delivered my much loved baby at 4pm yesterday on the day I turned 19 weeks. Unfortunately things then didn't go to plan and I needed emergency surgery to deliver the placenta after I didn't stop bleeding. Today was much more peaceful. I decided not to see my baby but felt a great need to hold my baby which I did, baby was wrapped in my daughters blanket and placed in my arms and I kept my eyes closed while a chaplain blessed my baby. It was the right thing to do for me and such a comfort to feel baby in my arms. We won't know until after the post mortem whether little one was a boy or girl due to the fact death was a couple of weeks ago and it wasn't clear. But baby needed a name, we called our baby Wren. I read somewhere it means little bird from the farm. We live on a farm and eventually little Wren's ashes will join my old dog who died two weeks ago and is buried up in the top corner of the farm. My dog took such care of my daughter and I know she will look after baby Wren. I can't thank the NHS enough, and the wonderful team of nurses and midwives and consultants, they made the whole horrible event bearable. Superstars.

[BipBippadotta]

It sounds as though you did exactly what was right for you and Wren. I am so glad that you made it through OK after what sounds like a terrifying time, and that today has been more peaceful. Wishing you and your family comfort.

[mashpot]

So sorry ponyfeet. I so sorry you lost Wren. What a lovely message for the NHS superstars. Best of luck to you. X

[knaffedoff]

What a beautiful name, I am sorry for your loss

[PosiePootlePerkins]

Just seen your update and just wanted to send and to say that I am thinking of you at this difficult time. I am pleased that you got to hold your little Wren and that it seemed the right thing to do. I think that scattering the ashes on your farm sounds like a wonderful idea and I hope it gives you some peace in The future.
Take care of yourselves and give yourself time to heal.