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Self esteem rock bottom after stillbirth 39 weeks and Tfmr at 14 weeks

(11 Posts)
Newstart123 Tue 21-Jun-16 22:09:17

Has anyone found that their self esteem has tumbled after miscarriage and stillbirth? I had a 39 week stillbirth last year and this year had to Tfmr due to anencephaly. Any cracks in my personality are all coming to the surface esp the anxiety I have suffered in my past. Went back to work 2 months after stillbirth but got pregnant again and had 2 weeks off after Tfmr. Now trying to work full time but struggling for example I was off 2 days last week due to anxiety and now I'm off cause my 4 year old daughter brought a stomach bug home, my husband is very sick and I am sick too with stomach problems and anxiety. Feel totally useless - the worst employee in the world. Sorry to vent but has anyone experienced this?

juneau Tue 21-Jun-16 22:17:00

I haven't but flowers for you and I'm not surprised you're struggling after two such devastating events in your life. Did you have any counselling at the time of your stillbirth? Are you in touch with SANDS? Would getting signed off work for a bit help, do you think? Would you worry about being laid off if you were to take some time off to get your problems under control? Are you on any medication for your anxiety and have you seen your doctor about it? Sorry, lots of questions, but it sounds like you need some support and I wonder if you're getting any.

poorbuthappy Tue 21-Jun-16 22:20:41

Dear lord I have no experience at all but please stop and look after yourself

Newstart123 Tue 21-Jun-16 22:29:46

Thanks for replies. I am on antidepressants and have been for years. Didn't have counselling after stillbirth but getting it now. After stillbirth I threw myself into getting pregnant which I did but after I had to Tfmr I felt like hope was gone. I was trying to paper over the cracks and desperately wanted to have some normality. My husband also had to have time off work but is now on a warning. I think I'm worried that if I take an extended period off that he will too and risk losing his job. I also work for a small business so worried about my job. When you experience this type of loss you know that the pain will always be there - that's why I don't see a solution being away from work in the long term. It's so hard to maintain your everyday life whilst feeling so bad x

juneau Wed 22-Jun-16 10:29:53

I'm glad you're getting counselling now and I hope the antidepressants help. You both sound so battered by all of this, which is not at all surprising. Its so hard sometimes to get the help you need when practicalities like work and childcare and every day life must also be taken into account.

What do you think would help you right now OP? For instance, would a day off each week to see your counsellor and have a bit of head space help? Could you talk to your employer/doctor about this and perhaps make your life a little bit more manageable? It sounds like a proper break from work is not really possible, but would a reduction in hours, even on a temporary basis help/be possible? Or maybe something else would help.

KittyandTeal Wed 22-Jun-16 17:24:16

Yes, absolutely mine have.

After a tfmr at 22 weeks last year and a mmc at 14 weeks in March all of my see I fly resolved mental health issues have come to bite me on the ass.

I have no advice but just 💐 And a 'yes, I know how you feel'

StrawberryLeaf Wed 22-Jun-16 17:38:47

I'm a lot further down this road but completely identify with your feelings.

I lost a baby daughter then went on to have a tfmr at 14 weeks, this was 7 years ago. Prior to this I was a confident person but it was like all my confidence went and I really struggled at work, I felt on edge all the time.

I don't have a lot of advice unfortunately, the thing that has helped me most is time. You learn to deal with it and you build up your confidence. I sought a great deal of support in attending sands meetings.

Take care flowers

Artistic Wed 22-Jun-16 18:50:04

Losing a baby at any stage is hard. But a miscarriage is not given enough time & space to grieve. I went back to work in a week after Mc & I later felt that was a mistake. The emotional turmoil coupled with physical fatigue & inability to show my feelings at work (keeping up my professional face) was a great stress to my mind & body. Wish I'd taken more time. But in all honesty it took me years to get back my confidence, joy & normalcy. Be kind to yourself, you have had devastating losses. Perhaps you could go part-time? Or just take some medical time off & get a bit stronger and then go back full time?

Newstart123 Wed 22-Jun-16 20:19:07

Thanks for all of your messages. Think I need to ask for some reduced hours at work. Shouldn't care what other people think. I'm doing my best and that's all I can do. So sorry about everyone's losses. It helps so much to speak to others as it reminds me that I'm not alone.

Much love to you all x

Newstart123 Thu 23-Jun-16 17:07:15

Just an update - told work that I wasn't coping and have been allowed to work shorter days.

I feel like I've gone from wearing the 'I'm okay' mask to the polar opposite - my neighbour just asked how I am and I said 'not good' and proceeded to tell her about the latest loss. She was very nice about it but must think I'm mental! I think that the grief is overflowing and I have stopped trying to mop it up. Love to you all x

juneau Thu 23-Jun-16 17:08:31

Best wishes to you OP and hope that the extra time off helps a bit x

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