Having a bad day

[Pornflakes]

Current 23 weeks pregnant after having an MMC back in September at 11 weeks, and I'm struggling. I'm on holiday currently and should be relaxing, but I cannot stop my mind wandering back to how much I want my baby back. Then I feel guilty because I should be happy that I'm pregnant again, but I can't seem to let go of the past and what happened. Just feeling really conflicted and wondering if we should have waited a little so I could properly heal.

Usually my days are so busy, I think I just have too much time on my hands. I'm driving my friends and family mad I'm sure, just wish I could pick myself up.

Just needed to offload

[Tftpoo]

So sorry for your loss.

You sound a lot like I did this time last year. I had a mmc discovered at 12 weeks and I got pregnant immediately after (no period in between). I spent most of the pregnancy veering between being petrified that it would happen again and guilt that I was so focused on the new pregnancy that I was somehow disrespecting the baby that didn't make it. I have my baby now (she's 10 weeks old) and I still feel conflicted between loving her but feeling sad for the one that I lost.

It's hard - the emotions are so intense. I think I relaxed a little more around 6 months into the pregnancy. I saw a counsellor who specialised in pregnancy loss and talking through my conflicting emotions was really helpful. Do you think this is something you'd find useful? I found the counsellor through a local charity and the sessions were free - you could drop the Miscarriage Association a line to see if they can recommend anyone where you are? I realised that is was ok to be happy about one thing and sad about another at the same time. I also tried to really focus on living in the moment, trying not to think too much about the past or the future (easier said than done though, I know). I got a lot of support on this board - keep posting and there will be people here who can empathise with how you're feeling.

Congratulations on your pregnancy and best of luck

[Pornflakes]

Thanks Tftpoo. I think I might have to look into counselling, but I always worry that it won't help and I'll be wasting time. It's good to know that I'm not alone in this, and your reply really helped, thank you.

[Tftpoo]

I was't sure about counselling but I thought I had nothing to lose and that if it wasn't for me I would just go to one session and not go again. I found it useful, I liked having a dedicated hour each week to think and talk about what was bothering me, it was hard to fit it in time to think amongst busy daily life. But I know it's not for everyone.