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Having a bad day

(4 Posts)
Pornflakes Tue 14-Jun-16 13:46:31

Current 23 weeks pregnant after having an MMC back in September at 11 weeks, and I'm struggling. I'm on holiday currently and should be relaxing, but I cannot stop my mind wandering back to how much I want my baby back. Then I feel guilty because I should be happy that I'm pregnant again, but I can't seem to let go of the past and what happened. Just feeling really conflicted and wondering if we should have waited a little so I could properly heal.

Usually my days are so busy, I think I just have too much time on my hands. I'm driving my friends and family mad I'm sure, just wish I could pick myself up.

Just needed to offload sad

Tftpoo Tue 14-Jun-16 14:05:28

So sorry for your loss.

You sound a lot like I did this time last year. I had a mmc discovered at 12 weeks and I got pregnant immediately after (no period in between). I spent most of the pregnancy veering between being petrified that it would happen again and guilt that I was so focused on the new pregnancy that I was somehow disrespecting the baby that didn't make it. I have my baby now (she's 10 weeks old) and I still feel conflicted between loving her but feeling sad for the one that I lost.

It's hard - the emotions are so intense. I think I relaxed a little more around 6 months into the pregnancy. I saw a counsellor who specialised in pregnancy loss and talking through my conflicting emotions was really helpful. Do you think this is something you'd find useful? I found the counsellor through a local charity and the sessions were free - you could drop the Miscarriage Association a line to see if they can recommend anyone where you are? I realised that is was ok to be happy about one thing and sad about another at the same time. I also tried to really focus on living in the moment, trying not to think too much about the past or the future (easier said than done though, I know). I got a lot of support on this board - keep posting and there will be people here who can empathise with how you're feeling.

Congratulations on your pregnancy and best of luck flowers

Pornflakes Tue 14-Jun-16 14:23:16

Thanks Tftpoo. I think I might have to look into counselling, but I always worry that it won't help and I'll be wasting time. It's good to know that I'm not alone in this, and your reply really helped, thank you.

Tftpoo Tue 14-Jun-16 14:43:53

I was't sure about counselling but I thought I had nothing to lose and that if it wasn't for me I would just go to one session and not go again. I found it useful, I liked having a dedicated hour each week to think and talk about what was bothering me, it was hard to fit it in time to think amongst busy daily life. But I know it's not for everyone.

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