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Did I cause it?

(26 Posts)
Becky5W Mon 06-Jun-16 21:36:33

Hi, I had a miscarriage last Monday. I was only 7 weeks and it was a natural miscarriage. I already have 1 child but I'm absolutely devastated and I'm terrified I caused it. I'm 5 ft 1 but weigh 14 st 10 so know I'm overweight. Did this cause my miscarriage? I weighed around 12 st when I was pregnant with my first and I had no problems with her. Hubby and I are both wanting to try again but I'm terrified of it happening again. Please can anyone help? Thank you

No sweetheart, you didn't cause it. You were unlucky. I'm sorry for your loss flowers

Becky5W Mon 06-Jun-16 21:43:52

But with my weight? Im struggling to believe that it just happens.. yes to others but I must have caused it.

ShouldHaveListenedInBiology Mon 06-Jun-16 21:44:38

You didn't cause it love. I'm sorry for your loss - please don't blame yourself. flowers

Purpleprickles Mon 06-Jun-16 21:44:47

I'm sorry for your loss too and agree that you didn't cause this to happen. Sadly it just does sometimes and the unfairness of it and lack of reason is very hard to deal with. Be kind to yourself.

PotteringAlong Mon 06-Jun-16 21:45:09

No, no you didn't my lovely. It's just one of those horrible things that are no ones fault flowers

Becky5W Mon 06-Jun-16 21:46:13

Thank you for your replies. I'm trying so hard to lose weight and I've so far lost 1 and a half stone but we couldn't wait any longer before trying.. and now I feel it's my fault because I'm so big sad

ShouldHaveListenedInBiology Mon 06-Jun-16 21:48:35

Unfortunately it does just happen, to women of all shapes and sizes. It wouldn't occur to me that weight would have anything to do with it, I am no expert but I really don't think the two are connected. You're grieving and looking for someone/something to blame but sometimes there just isn't an answer, I'm so sorry. Maybe it would help to talk to GP again so she could reassure you?

jb007 Mon 06-Jun-16 21:48:46

You poor darling. It was not your fault. Sadly it happens to one in four women in their lifetime. Sorry you were one of them 😥

WellErrr Mon 06-Jun-16 21:50:08

You didn't cause it love. It just happened.

It happens in all kinds of pregnancies, to all kinds of women. Big or small, young or old.

I'm so sorry for your loss flowers

Becky5W Mon 06-Jun-16 21:53:17

Oh thank you all so much. I was driving myself mad with thoughts that it was me that did it. I'm really struggling to cope but knowing that my weight might not have caused it is certainly helping.

lazydog Mon 06-Jun-16 21:54:00

I'm so sorry for your loss, but yes, it just happened. You DID NOT cause it.

I had 2 miscarriages between my two boys. I have no idea how we managed to persuade the Dr, but we got testing that is normally reserved for couples who suffer recurrent miscarriages (which is supposed to be 3 or more consecutive pregnancy losses.) No cause was found.

I'd done everything by the book. And DS2, when he arrived, was totally healthy, just like DS1. Obviously there was a cause for both my miscarriages - something about those two pregnancies wasn't right and my body couldn't grow those babies to term - but it wasn't anything I (we) caused. It does just happen sometimes.

Becky5W Mon 06-Jun-16 21:55:48

That's what I was worried about. We had no problems at all with DD1 and all I could think had changed is my weight. X

sugarplumfairy2010 Tue 07-Jun-16 11:04:32

Sorry for your loss you didnt cause it. Im a size 8/10 was eating well taking pregnancy vitamins. I stopped drinking caffeine havent smoked or drunk in years and i still had a mmc last thursday. Ive already had two pregnancies that resulted in two healthy babies.

EarthboundMisfit Tue 07-Jun-16 11:07:16

No, you didn't cause it. Xxx

Hoppinggreen Tue 07-Jun-16 11:08:35

Sorry for your loss.
I weighed 14 stone when I had my mc - I weighed the same when I had my 2 lovely healthy babies.
You didn't cause it x

Enigma1975 Tue 07-Jun-16 12:09:31

I'm sorry for your loss and agree wholeheartedly with the other replies in that you didn't in any way cause it.

I can empathise with the feeling of blaming yourself though - I found out I was pregnant after a week of some fairly hardcore training (cycling) abroad, vigorous exercise in heat a no-no in the first trimester. Logically I know that wasn't the cause (early scan showed a heartbeat before I miscarried) but it doesn't help the illogical stuff though does it?!

Go easy on yourself x

Becky5W Tue 07-Jun-16 13:39:55

Thank you so much for your replies. When you had your mc did you bleed for long? I stopped bleeding on the 5th day after and I'm now on my 4th day of not bleeding. Do you think it's safe to start trying again now? I know docs advise to wait for 1 period due to dates but I have irregular periods anyway so I can't see how it would make any difference? Thanks for any help. X

Enigma1975 Tue 07-Jun-16 14:19:53

It is my understanding that the 'wait for one period' guideline is purely to date a future pregnancy. For example my Doctor advised I was good to go (if I wanted!) 10 days after ERPC.

Hoppinggreen Tue 07-Jun-16 17:24:17

I got pg ( accident) 1 week after mc. It was a bit stressful and I was basically pg for a year but the accident is 11 now and totally awesome!!

KittyandTeal Tue 07-Jun-16 18:24:07

I was a healthy 9 stone when I lost ds at 14 weeks.

Most early miscarriages are caused but chromosomal issues that mean the baby is not developing properly. It's horrid but sometimes it's easier to think about it as not a healthy baby and it being a choice you didn't have to make. I hope that makes sense and doesn't sound insensitive.

Be kind and look after yourself

Becky5W Tue 07-Jun-16 21:29:56

Thank you for all of your replies. I cannot tell you how grateful I am for your support and advice. Don't worry KittyandTeal, it doesn't sound insensitive and I know what you mean. Thank you again to all of you x

Purpleprickles Tue 07-Jun-16 21:33:10

Same as Hopping, after my miscarriage last year I got pg about 4 weeks after my erpc and before I had a period. It was stressful too and I was pg for practically a year but I now have a lovely 12 week dd and it was totally worth it. Good luck flowers

RumAppleGinger Tue 07-Jun-16 21:40:04

No poppet, you didn't cause it. It wasn't your fault at all. Be kind to yourself. There is nothing you could have done differently.

I miscarried at 8 weeks two years ago and was not prepared for just how sad and guilty I would feel. It's shit and you have my sympathy.


mnpeasantry Tue 07-Jun-16 22:30:47

Absolutely not. There was nothing you could have done.

So so sorry for your loss. Miscarriage can be such a lonely and misunderstood place. Hope you are ok OP

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