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Going through 2nd miscarriage and looking for some reassurance

(24 Posts)
redstrawberries101 Sun 22-May-16 14:21:04

Just as the title says really.

Had a MMC at 12 weeks in January. It was the first bit of happiness for us as a couple (I'm a cancer survivor but we went through a lot) and we were over the moon when we found out I was expecting during the first cycle of trying. Unfortunately went into Hosp with sepsis and a scan for the kidneys revealed the baby had stopped growing at approx 9 weeks. We had seen a heartbeat at 6 weeks after a bit of spotting. It was all quite traumatic and I had medical management. Passed out twice with pain and was having morphine through out it. Body was just not ready to let go.

Had a two month break before TTC again, and fell on the 2nd cycle. Should have been about 6 weeks but after testing with clear blue digital week indicators I panicked when the weeks were going in the wrong direction. That was yday morning and since, I have had some spotting. Had bloods at EPU this morning and the HCG level is only 129. Will be repeated on Tuesday. Most like going through miscarriage.

Not sure what to expect this time in terms of the physical side as last time I was further on. I asked the lady what the plan will be and she said depending on Tuesday's bloods they will probably want me to miscarry naturally. I hope it doesn't drag on and it's over with fairly quickly.

Just looking for people in the same boat or stories of hope. Cannot even begin to imagine TTC again and going through this emotional roller coaster.

OP’s posts: |
shopaholic85 Sun 22-May-16 20:46:00

I'm so sorry that you are going through this again flowers We had our mc around the same time in Jan and I remember your story. You will get through this because you are strong, but I'm here if you need a hand to hold x

AKP79 Sun 22-May-16 20:52:45

Cheeky I'm in absolute shock I'm seeing you here, I'm so so sorry. Life is cruel. I have no practical advice because, as you know, I'm in the midst of a second MMC, but I just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you.

I hope you don't think I'm being rude asking a question on your thread, but if you had to make the choice again would you go for medical or ERPC? I have to decide by Tues. last time I had medical, like yours I ended up in a lot of pain and on morphine, but added to that it wasn't successful and I had to have ERPC after 3 weeks. I'm scared of the possible side effects of the ERPC, but not sure I could go through medical again.

I can't believe we're both going through this again, it's so f'ing shit. Sending you lots of love and virtual hugs xxxx

redstrawberries101 Sun 22-May-16 21:12:40

Hi both of you, thanks for replying and nice to hear from you albeit in these circumstances

Shopaholic I remember you well. How are you doing?

Akp I was actually going to pm you but my 6 weeks felt measly compared to you getting to 12 weeks and I wanted to respect the difference. I must say there is definitely a difference for me between the two. Getting to 12 weeks was heartbreaking. At least this time I've had a short time to get my head around it.

I don't think I would go for medical again. Like you had excruciating pain and passed out three times and was on morphine. I was fortunate in that although everything didn't pass they were able to remove the remainder via internal examination which was v sore but didn't have to have an ERPC.

I'm a little stuck myself as to what I'll do. They said they might not offer anything depending on bloods on tuesday but if I get a choice I'll be stuck with ERPC or natural. Given the stage I was at I think I'll sway to natural but to be honest if I was in your shoes id probably have the ERPC. Especially given that you know the medical didn't work for you last time.

The problem with natural is that you don't know when it'll happen or peak should I say. I don't want to take time off work and be siting waiting around. At the same time if it peaks at work then I'll just have to make an excuse and come home and take a few days off. I'm not planning to tell them this time. So far I've just had cramping, lower backache and light bleeding.

OP’s posts: |
AKP79 Sun 22-May-16 21:32:22

A miscarriage is tough whatever. One of the hardest things for me is dealing with the future you thought you were going to have and as much as you stay reserved you can't help but make some kind of plans or dreams for that future. We couldn't wait to get home and tell DS - he's so desperate for a brother or sister and as my DH isn't his biological dad we were looking forward to completing our family.

Thank you for your reply, it's really helped me to support the decision I'd already half made in my head that an ERPC is the way to go.

That waiting and not knowing must be horrible. Is working from home an option for you? That's what I'm planning to do, but i have told my director, I suppose that could be tricky if you don't plan to tell work.

Also, with a natural miscarriage I can only assume the blood loss would build, which might mean you don't have that awful 'flood' that you get with the medically managed. I don't know that, but it's just what I would imagine is the case. I hope someone with a better understanding can give you some guidance.

Thinking if you x

redstrawberries101 Sun 22-May-16 22:25:14

I think the ERPC will be the best option for you. Working from home isn't really an option. As you say though I am hoping it is a better process than the medically managed as the body will clear at its own pace. Hopefully it won't drag.

How old is your DS? I get what you mean. We don't have any kids yet. After what we went through with the cancer and my long recovery we were really looking forward to something positive. I haven't lost hope yet though. I'm not sure how I'll deal with pregnancy again and the Unknown but I know we will keep trying until we get a baby.

They tell me that the two miscarriages are completely unrelated. Mmc was probably more gene related and this time more implantation related. Who knows.

Will you be trying again?

OP’s posts: |
AKP79 Sun 22-May-16 22:45:19

I can't begin to imagine what you've been through with the cancer. You are clearly a very strong person and it seems so unfair you're having to deal with yet more trauma in your life. The world can be so cruel!

I'm sure we will try again, but I'm petrified at the thought. Pregnancy with DS wasn't easy, he was born with meningitis and when he was 2 days old I was told he had 24 hours to pull through, but that I should probably prepare for the worst. 2 months later his dad left me for another woman and has consistently made life hell for me. However DS is now 4 and had no side effects from the meningitis and I met and married my DH, so I do know that good things come from bad.

It must be comforting to hear that your miscarriages are unrelated. I'm convinced there's an underlying issue with ours.

redstrawberries101 Mon 23-May-16 19:49:49

I don't feel very strong. I've had quite a few cries today.. Was fine all day until I saw my dad. Just feeling sorry for myself. Can't wait till I get some answers tomorrow about how we are to go about this miscarriage. I'll feel better once I know.. Came home to the booking and scan appt letters. That really set me off.

Gosh you went through so much. It must have been incredibly scary to hear your son was critical so quickly after he was born. And then to go through splitting up with his dad. You are clearly very strong too.

It's strange isn't it because when you are going through something you just have to get on with it. There is no choice.

Do you work? I don't want to wait before TTC again although will wait for one period probably. I can't even think about falling preg again and getting through it but if I dealt with this pregnancy with caution I'll be even more cautious next time.

I'm not sure if my miscarriages are linked. They say miscarriages are usually to do with some chromosomal abnormality so does that mean my eggs or dh's sperm just aren't right? Not that it makes it easier but since you have carried your DH to term you know your body is competent. For me I just don't know if it's some deficiency after the cancer. I only have 20% of my pancreas and I don't have my spleen. According to Chinese medicine the spleen is closely linked to the uterus.

I have hope in that I'll try my hardest but the rest is out my control.

OP’s posts: |
sandy30 Mon 23-May-16 23:29:01

A story of hope here. I had a healthy pregnancy after two miscarriages: one at 11 weeks and one at 7 weeks. I am also a cancer survivor and also got pg first month with my first. I had basic private tests after mc2 and all they found was slightly late ovulation. In spite of chemo, my egg reserve was through the roof!

It is so hard not knowing when and how you will get your baby. Emotionally, I found the miscarriages harder than cancer. However, the overwhelming likelihood is that your take-home baby isn't far off.

redstrawberries101 Tue 24-May-16 01:59:52

Thanks for sharing sandy. You have given me a little bit of hopeflowers

OP’s posts: |
GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER Tue 24-May-16 03:50:28

My dd had 2 MCs before successful no. 3, and is now over 28 weeks gone with no. 2. A friend of hers had 3 MCs before 2 dcs. Another friend became pg naturally after 2 unsuccessful rounds of IVF and now has a baby boy. These are all 39/40.
Plus, a friend's DiL, who had been told she would never have babies, recently had a baby boy.
I do wish you well, and that the heartbreaking times will soon be just a memory.

Lilliana Tue 24-May-16 03:54:50

So sorry cheeky. I had 2 mc- One natural and one erpc. I'm currently 23 weeks pregnant and all seems to be ok (fx). I don't know about the cancer but I hope this gives you some hope. It was really tough and I still worry but I'm beginning to believe we're going to have a baby soon. I hope that you're ok and happy with the management decision. After 3 weeks of bleeding we put our foot down and requested the erpc - I couldn't go on any longer mentally or physically - so don't just feel you have to agree with them you have the right to make a choice about how it is managed. Good luck flowers

redstrawberries101 Tue 24-May-16 06:15:40

Thank you that does give me hope that it's purely bad luck.

Also as you say I just want this one to be over..

OP’s posts: |
AKP79 Tue 24-May-16 13:35:16

Hi Cheeky - how are you today? Great to see some positive news above!!

How is the miscarriage progressing?

Had my hosp appointment today and the earliest they can book me in for the ERPC is next Tuesday. However, I have woken today to slight cramping and spotting. Feel really scared about going through the pain and blood loss again, was weirdly looking forward to having the operation and it being sorted without my involvement.

They've booked me in for next Tues and have said that if I bleed a lot before Friday they will scan me on Friday to see if I still need the op. If I bleed a lot over the weekend, then I still have to go in for the op and they will let the consultant decide whether to go ahead or not.

redstrawberries101 Tue 24-May-16 19:15:42

Hi akp. It's unfortunate they can't book you in earlier. Just shows how many of these they must do. I always thought it would be pretty instant once diagnosed. It's going to be a tough few days.

Can you make yourself comfortable? Get the painkillers in, some magazines, pads, hot water bottle, snacks, a decent box set. I know it's not much sad but it will help to be as comfortable as possible. How is your DH?

I had my bloods today and they have dropped from 129 to 45 so pretty good. I hadn't been bleeding properly but had lots of cramping. However after I got back to work after the bloods were taken, I started bleeding properly. I'm glad things are moving. I'm going to take some painkillers now and make myself as comfy as possible. In a weird way I feel better now that it's 110% confirmed its a miscarriage. I can hopefully start to look forward.

Sending you big cuddles. Please keep in touch and keep talking if it helps.

OP’s posts: |
AKP79 Tue 24-May-16 21:12:18

Hope you're feeling ok. Have PM'd you rather than respond on here. Xx

Rachwyso Sun 29-May-16 20:46:54

Ive just been through a miscarriage at 9wks 6days I miscarried naturally at home and although i was in horrendous pain after everything had passed (over a space of 3hrs) the pain stopped and bleeding had eased by the next morning. I dont know if i was crying through pain or because i was and am heartbroken. I have to go for another scan next week as my scan to confirm i had lost the preganancy showed some tissue stuck in my cervix (they need to check its passed or i have to have d&c).

After returning from a&e (where i was told my cervix were dilating) on day 1 of miscarriage i was told to rest / however my mum who worked on a gynae ward for 30+ yrs said resting slows things down (just like in labour) so i carried on with my usual daily things. Last sunday (day 2 of miscarriage, the day i lost my baby) bleeding and cramping got gradually worse over the morning. The afternoon was filled with horrendous pain and contractions for around 3hrs until i had passed my baby. But like i said the physical pain stopped immediately. And bleeding has decreased all week to like a dirty brown discharge (like the end of a period)

Im so sorry to hear of you your going through your second miscarriage. Thinking of you

BethLangdon Mon 30-May-16 21:17:55

Had 2 miscarriages too. Just had the last 2 months ago, was devastated yet again, but was reassured its not my fault and its still normal etc (which in itself can be heartbreaking). both were at the 12 week mark and were so painful i thought I was going to burst! And the medication they gave me was not string at all, maybe because after a while crying in pain didn't seem like a thing I could do, possibly due to shock?
I managed to get them to send me to the recurrent miscarrige clinic although they noramlly do that on the third time but I might not be able to go now. Have now just found out I am pregnant again(!) with the doctor joking at how I can get pregnant no problem (not that I laughed).
Getting a scan next week as I am having some period type pains and am so paranoid, but this one feels better in terms of feeling more nauseous ( yay )
Good luck and I hope it helped? xxx

greenclip Tue 31-May-16 16:07:22

Beth, can I please ask how you managed a referral after 2 miscarriages? I think I'm going through my second mc now (going back to epu tomorrow to find out for certain). My ttc has been a bumpy road and I don't want to wait for this to happen again before someone takes it seriously.

BethLangdon Tue 31-May-16 16:31:19

Greenclip, I'm so sorry to hear that sad
with it being very painful and a lot of blood I had to stay in hospital as well which apparently isn't that common(?) So when I had my all clear scan we were discussing at length with the nurses/doctors what could have caused (having a bicorneate uterus made me worry extra about it being that) and after a lot of me pushing and suggesting they said they would write me a letter to go. Assuming it would be sent correctly you can should be able to do it this way, unfortunately after a month I didn't get the letter and scheduled a check up appointment with my doctor who is lovely and knows all my medical history etc and is never condescending or unsympathetic like some (he always has a long waiting list). He then wrote to them to send me the letter again and had it through my door within the same week. I then booked a date which was 2 months away and bobs you're uncle.
Also my doctor told me he and the midwife both tried to call me but my phone got switched on the day I went to hospital (at least that gave me something to do!) so I did not receive these but you might get a check up call as well.
Good luck and stay strong, try and get as much support around you as possible that helps xx

greenclip Tue 31-May-16 17:28:29

Thanks for that. And congratulations on your pregnancy- hope all goes well for you.

Jsy123 Tue 31-May-16 19:54:28

Story of hope here too! I miscarried my first and second pregnancies. Both were diagnosed as mmc, one at 11 weeks and one at 6.5 weeks. Like you I was devastated and also very concerned something was wrong. I intended to take a break from trying but nature had other plans and I actually fell pregnant straight after the second miscarriage before I'd even had a period. I was a nervous wreck and sadly pregnancy had lost all its joy and innocence BUT the pregnancy was successful and I had a healthy baby boy last year.

The only thing I did differently the third time was take baby aspirin. Not sure if it made the difference but i'd read some encouraging stories and so tried it.

I'm so sorry you are going though this. I know how horrible it is. I really hope its third time lucky for you too. Best of luck and take care. flowers

BethLangdon Thu 02-Jun-16 16:34:14

JSY123 Yay! That makes me so happy that it worked out for you smile
Just had my 6 week scan today and saw the heartbeat and was so happy! Hoping this is it now, booked a private scan for 9 weeks as that is the dates that I have had miscarriages before so although it was £99 it should be worth it!

purpleviolet1 Fri 03-Jun-16 10:38:38

Aw that's so encouraging. Really hope it's a sticky bean!

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