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1 month on and reached rock bottom

(5 Posts)
Nugget2016 Wed 18-May-16 23:00:51

sorry i just need somewhere to vent before i explode sad
so it has now been one month since i lost my baby, it has been a rollercoaster ride, but this last week i just feel so fed up and low.
My boss at work has been off with personal issues, so her assistant manager has been adding more and more and more pressure on me, getting me to do all her work because she hasnt got a clue, taking the credit for it etc, constantly barking orders at me.
I only returned back to work last week, the first week was fine because my boss was doing a slow phased return with me, as she was aware of everything and knew i was struggling, but the minute shes off everyone is just jumping down my throat.
So my work life, which i thought would help me get back to normal is just making me so upset and stressed, ive ended up in the toilets on the verge of a breakdown because of everything.
On top of that my work colleague came in yesterday with her 12 week scan.. she doesnt know i lost my baby but it still felt like an absolute kick in the teeth, i never got to see my baby or get to that stage of hearing a heart beat etc...

Then im coming home most days to my pregnant niece in my house which is then another thing to get to me, ive gotten to the point where most nights im just crying myself to sleep or not even sleeping at all..

Theres no one i can really speak to in real life, it seems pretty much everyone has forgotten about it and no one even asks how im feeling

im on the waiting list for counselling but the date keeps being pushed back.. i dont know whether i need to take more time off work or just get on with it and hope for the best.
pretending to be ok every day is just making me worse, i dont know what to do for the best

nuppet Wed 18-May-16 23:10:35

Ahh sweetheart.
It will get better eventually. Look after yourself. Don't worry about work, if you need more time then take it and don't feel guilty. It's a massive loss that you have to deal with but people don't really understand it because it's not talked about. Hugs to you and be kind to yourself x

Nugget2016 Wed 18-May-16 23:25:45

Thanks. I just feel like im a complete mess. I work in a doctors and even one of the nurse who works with me was basically saying i need to get a grip and get over it. Not in those words but i knew what she meant. It just makes me feel worse, cause people who havent been throug it make me feel like a drama Queen

GC2016 Thu 19-May-16 07:06:35

Hi Nugget - im so sorry for your loss :'(

Ive made my 1st post this morning along similar lines, MCd at 11 weeks was off 2 weeks post MC to 'come to terms' with everything and attend medical appointments and decided to go back to work on 3rd week post MC.

Week 1 was OK, it distracted me and i seemed to be able to get on.

Week 2 back in work hit me like a brick wall - Everything set me off in tears. I asked my boss for a return to work meeting which didnt seem to offer any support and i just downward spiralled after that.

I'll not go on and on (theres more detail in the post ive just made) but i just felt i had to say, you really arent alone ♡

Ive discovered it seems quite a tabboo subject, lots of ladies have lost their babies but noone really talks about it OR what to expect both physically and mentally afterwards - i need facts, information so i know what im going through is 'normal' not just "sorry, off you go"...

Please dont feel youre going mad, take what time you need and dont feel you just have to "get on with it" - ive been made to feel the same.

Hope your counselling date is organised soon and you can get sone answers and support.

Im off to see doc today after sobbing uncontrollably and having a meltdown.

Take care huni xxxx

randomuser64746 Thu 19-May-16 15:04:28

It does get easier but takes time.

When we lost our first I was a wreck and so was my wife. It took months to get back to normal and nobody spoke about it again, just like everyone didn't care. Its not that they just dont realise how bad it is and how much it effects you.

My wife is a nurse and when she went back the next week she was giving vaccines to new born babies and trying to support people coming in for abortions and treating drug addicts and smokers who are heavily pregnant.

It took time to understand that everyone is entitled to a child we are nothing special and so just be happy for them. Also the odds of MC are 20-30% depending on what you read and we are a strong couple who can take this, where as it would break up other couples.

I took it particularly hard. I had none to talk to as we decided not to tell anyone (well my wife told 2 of her friends but I couldnt tell anyone lol) so i was trying to be strong for her and get on with everything, business, house etc...

I had to keep it all bottled up and just crack on. When we lost the next baby it was much easier and then the next was also easier as we were more prepared and less ignorant to the fact that it could happen.

After our last loss (christmas eve 2015) we got a puppy and this helped my wife no end (although added to me work load).

It becomes a rollercoaster ride now every month of hoping to get pregnant and then bitter dissapoitment when the negative result comes up and then the month you finally get the positive you smile but only for the briefest of seconds before you worry and panic constantly that something is going to go wrong.

We are now pregnant again and have our 12 week scan tomorrow (13 and 2 days it should be more or less) we have had private scans every week (From 6 weeks) and hopefuly everything is good. Our journey has been going on for 6 years and no one knows. Not my parents, best friends nobody and I might finally be able to tell people we are going to have a baby.

You may well know people going through this as well but on one speaks about it for some unknown reason but that is where the internet helps.

I tried running to take my mind off things, drunk a bottle of whisky one night to see if that helps. I know it all seems stupid now but I know where you are.

You need your partner now but to put on him to much as he is also going through the same thing as you but is unlikely to have anywhere to vent and that can be dangerous.

I know the world seems like shit now but the pain will pass in time but if you decided to get pregnant again the journey is not easy. Its full of stress and worry but one day hopefully you will have a little baby in your arms and that will make it all worth it.

use the online forums, read the online articles and documents. There is so much info out there. Depending how far gone you were the most likely explanation is that there was some sort of chromosomal problem and if it had continued to grow you may well have had a baby with severe problems, massive brain damage, could be on life support for ever etc This is no life for a baby and so the miracle that is our body performs quality control and rejects this fetus. This may sound so harsh and so im sorry for being so blunt but if you look at it objectivly you will see how cleaver our bodys are and why this is a good thing. It took a long time for me to come around to this but it makes sense and when things start to make sense it makes the process less painful.

By the time we lost of 2nd we both went back to work after the scan and just carried on as normal. We shed a tear that night but that was it we just understood this was not our time. It didn't stop us being jelous of our friends and family that were getting pregnant. We removed facebook as every week someone new would be posting scan photos and then we saw pregnant people smoking we just accepted that they are entitled to a baby just like we are.

Im not sure this helps in anyway but i hope my journey as let you know your not alone. Give it time and try again and one day you will be blessed with a little one.

good luck on your journey, this is just the beginning and one day you will be a parent.

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