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3 mc's and not sure I want to try again

(30 Posts)
Lucinda15 Wed 11-May-16 08:27:49

I've recently had 3 mc's in a 9 month period. My last mc was 2 months ago. We have appointments coming up at st Mary's recurrent mc clinic. But I'm beginning to feel I dnt want to try again. We already have one amazing DS, and I feel so lucky to have him. But my oh wants another. He won't push it if I don't want to, and as I'm not completely decided I am going along with the investigations. I think it would be good to know if there is a problem. And I think if someone could say 'yes we can fix this and your next pregnancy will be fine' I would definitely try again. But I know no one can guarantee that, even if there is an identified problem.

But I'm beginning to feel more and more anxious about the investigations and the idea of trying again, about having further scans and tests discussing the miscarriages again. I just feel quite uncomfortable about it all.

But I'm not brave enough or sure enough to say I want to stop here.

I dnt really want advice, I'm just airing my thoughts! They have been rumblings around my head and I need to get them out flowers

purpleRH Wed 11-May-16 21:17:46

Hi Lucinda, I can imagine it's very difficult to know whether to try again or feel positive after what you've had to go through. Only you know if and when you are ready to try again, allow yourself time and only go back for the tests when you feel able to. Maybe even a 'no obligation' chat with the medical pros will help x

Lou2016 Thu 12-May-16 16:45:17

Hi Lucinda15
I am so sorry what you are going through, I have been feeling exactly the same.
After 4 failed pregnancies (3 m/cs and 1 downs syndrom being the first pregnancy that I had and had to terminate as it was extremely ill).
As age is against me, after much research, I decided to go privately and am now under the care of a well known doctor for recurrent miscarriage called Dr Shehata. Literally just about to start his treatment in a couple of months. I apparently have high NK cells (plus Graves antibodies) that are attacking the fetus on each pregnancy. It seems that my Downs pregnancy messed my body up and gave me a nasty 3 following miscarriages sad.
Dr Shehata has prescribed me steroids and when I am ready to ttc again, I am going to embark on the steroid treatment plan and infusions that are all part of it.
I am extremely anxious because like you say there is no guarantee. However, Dr Shehata's success rate is in the 80%'s+ so I am trying to stay really positive.
At least I can say "I've tried"....
Thought to share and I hope whatever you decide is the right decision for you.
Take care. flowers

Lucinda15 Fri 13-May-16 16:20:46

Thank you lou I am sorry for your losses and all you have gone through flowers glad you are getting some help with dr S. I have heard of him, but am waiting for my appt at st Mary's next week, and then intend to refer myself to Coventry to check the immune problems which I gather st Mary's dnt look into. I think Coventry do similar to dr S, so decided not to over egg the pudding and see what came of that before I check him out as well!! Plus - with my current state of mind, I'm just not sure how far I want to go with it's a confusing time. I feel I'm coasting at the moment, partly because I know DH wants to try again and partly because I think deep down I know i do and if I take the opportunity to go thru all the tests now, by the time I've come round to the idea of TTC again, then hopefully I will be in a good position and in the right hands to go for it. But I am not looking forward to the appts. Come what may!

good luck with dr S. I hope you get success with him xxxxx

Dixxie Sat 14-May-16 07:34:25

Ladies have you read 'It all starts with the egg'? You can buy it on Amazon and it's all about what to eat and what supplements to take to create healthy eggs that are less likely to miscarry. There's an enormous amount we can do to improve egg quality over a 3 month period. Everything helps...

JOMH1982 Sat 14-May-16 08:32:34

Thanks for the recommendation, Dixxie xx

Dixxie Sat 14-May-16 22:13:27

How you're feeling is totally understandable, you've been through so much. I've just had my 2nd MC and wondering how I could go through that, or worse, again. But we have no kids and DH is so am I but just dreading going through this again. You are lucky to already have one dear child. You're not crazy to wonder, do what is on your heart xxx

Imaginosity Sun 15-May-16 07:58:09

I had four miscarriages in a row and tried to accept the fact that that was it for me and I wouldn't have more children. I felt very lucky to have had two children already and tried to move on. I thought I'd keep trying just in case. I was prescribed baby asprin and am now 20 weeks pregnant. I still haven't fully accepted it's really happening.

Dixxie Sun 15-May-16 08:50:43

Imaginosity that's amazing!!! Congratulations. I'm so happy for you and it's so exciting. You're an inspiration. I do want to try again. I'm sure in 3 months we will... Just what I need to hear.

I'm going to see a recurrent miscarriage specialist etc as I took baby aspirin and Cyclogest but still no joy.

I've been feeling low because I'm processing everything and right in the thick of the miscarriage just now, feeling awful because of the nasty medical management drugs I had to take (because I was taken to A&E screaming in agony during Tuesday night and they thought it might be ectopic/unknown location so rather the drugs than lose my tubes or whatever) have made me feel totally lousy. Not sure it ever was, judging by the tissue I have passed over the last few days which they say must have come from my uterus... Now that was so scary and a total shock. So last night was the low point and hey it's onwards and upwards from here...

Miloarmadillo1 Sun 15-May-16 12:04:15

I had 4 MC all together and 3 of them in a row trying for DC3, we went round and round whether to keep trying or stop. In the end I put some conditions on it, both a time limit ( if I'm not successfully pregnant by ... we will stop) and a decision that unless someone could offer us something different to swing the odds in our favour we wouldn't try again, having already done the baby aspirin and progesterone thing after local RMC clinic threw their hands up, and lost a healthy foetus again. We went to Coventry to see Prof Quenby, diagnosed with high NK cells and given odds of 60% success on their protocol, decided to go for it and DD resulted on our first attempt.
It has to be what you can cope with, it's very hard to keep putting yourself back in the firing line. We felt with a bit of additional 'armour' we were brave enough, but it could easily have gone the other way. I'm very relieved to be certain we are done now and never have to be in that vulnerable position again.
Good luck! flowers

Lucinda15 Sun 15-May-16 18:00:32

Thank u for the posts everyone. So sorry you have all had your struggles and for your losses.

Thanks for the book recommendation dixxie will look into it. So sorry you are in the middle of it at the moment. I had a very traumatic time with my first mc, went to a&e with heavy bleeding and passed out several times. The story goes on, and i won't go into detail, but it was a harrowing experience. I sympathise and hope you give yourself time to recover physically and emotionally. I self referred myself to the NHS free counselling service. There was a 3 month wait but it has been so helpful. Keep it in mind if you think it would help.

imaginosity congrats on your pregnancy. I know it must be hard to relax and accept it is happening after what you have been through. Keep positive - you can do this! wishing you all the best for the rest of your pregnancy.

miloarmadillo I'm so pleased you got a successful outcome with Coventry! I am hoping that they can help us also. I have heard that st Mary's are quite conservative in their tests/treatment and Coventry (and dr shehata in Epsom) have come highly recommended. But I thought every little helps and hope st Mary's will be a good starting point while I wait to meet criteria for Coventry (2cycles after mc and then ovulation!) I too am setting myself a condition. I think I'm in the process of finalising it tho lol!! At the moment I think we are waiting to TTC after all the results from tests a back in a couple months. Depending on what the diagnosis is (and if there is any treatment for us) we will go for one more pregnancy. If it miscarries we will stop there. If there is a real diagnosis and enough evidence that we could make it work, we may try a 5th time. But I'm working through that idea lol. At the moment a 4th miscarriage feels like my limit and I dnt want to go beyond that!!

We will see. Anyway. Thanks for the kind words. Means a lot xxx

Dixxie Sun 15-May-16 18:29:59

Lucinda, I really admire your courage. Going to Professor Quenby sounds like the right step. Sending lots of love and positivity for a good outcome. Xxx

gingerbreadmanm Sun 15-May-16 18:38:07

Sorry to hijack the thread, the ladies who did baby aspirin, how far pregnant were you when you did that?

I have had an mmc then my son was stillborn at 27 weeks. He had a condition called pffd. Hospital said next pregnancy has same chance as being normal as anyone elses but prescribed high dose folic acid and baby aspirin from 12 weeks. I always thought people took it sooner than that though?

Fwiw i also have days where i could happily chuck the towel in. At the moment im in the mind frame that i will try one more time (no other dc) but i do sway. I have never felt ready to ttc again yet. Lucas was born july last year.

Dixxie Sun 15-May-16 22:53:22

Gingerbread I'm so sorry for your loss. I tried baby aspirin and Cyclogest from BFP but no luck. A friend did the same under direction of a private doctor and has a healthy baby boy.

gingerbreadmanm Mon 16-May-16 11:59:40

Thanks dixie. I assume cyclogest you get on prescription? Never heard of it before.

I read somewhere or was told by a medic baby aspirin cna interfere with implantation but had implantation already occurred if you have a bfp?

I'm so anxious about doing everything absolutely right to make sure baby makes it into my arms. Guess you all know that feeling.

Dixxie Mon 16-May-16 12:12:00

Hi, Cyclogest is progesterone suppositories. You can't have too much progesterone but you can have too little, and it's a major cause of miscarriage, and a study showed it can make a significant difference in women who have had recurring miscarriage:

Dixxie Mon 16-May-16 12:15:49

We are going to get a private doctor next time so that everything is probably monitored and supervised. The NHS just don't/can't know or do enough and even though it will be hard to find the money, we want to give ourselves the best possible chance of a successful pregnancy and having a beautiful baby

Dixxie Mon 16-May-16 12:25:04

Ok so apologies because that research has been superseded by the PROMISE trial which showed there is no link. In my case it probably kept the unviable pregnancy going for a few weeks and did me no favours in the end, but they still say you can't have too much so it did no harm either...

Backhometothenorth Mon 16-May-16 12:28:56

Good luck in whatever you decide lucinda- I understand how hard it is to keep going after what you've been through. Stay positive - there is always hope flowers

gingerbreadmanm Mon 16-May-16 15:47:21

Ive always carried my pregnancies long after baby has passed. With my mmc the baby stopped growing at 5 weeks and i was still pregnant at 14 weeks.

With my son he had passed away at 23 weeks but it wasnt disovered until 27 weeks. My body hadnt recognised it.

Maybe they were both just bad luck. for sharing about progesterone.

Dixxie Mon 16-May-16 16:15:09

Oh Gingerbread, I'm so sorry. Your story brought tears to my eyes and I really can't imagine how painful that must have been for you. Do you know why? You're so brave and you mustn't give up hope xxx

Have you had any expert advice? Not sure where you live... Professor Quenby at Coventry is a miscarriage expert, I spoke to her secretary and she will take a GP referral. There are others, St Mary's...

My 3rd book is Miscarriage- everything you need to know written by Mary Regan the expert there, but I can't bare to open it yet, too raw. I read a recent post saying her referrals may have a 6-month wait... But better late than never?

Lucinda15 Mon 16-May-16 16:33:00

I have my appt at st Mary's tomorrow. Was referred under NHS by my GP (I requested it) and took 6 weeks from referral to appt. no idea who we will see tho, doubt we will see prof regan herself. I think they do quite standard testing (sticky blood/hormones/scans for scarring in uterus etc etc) but they are a very good rmc from what I've heard.

Coventry you can self refer to, but you have to have had two cycles since last mc. Apparently you call them when u have ovulated (so need to track this) and then they book you in A week later or something! Then they do a uterine scratch and test for killer cells in your uterus (or something!)bid you have high levels of killer cells they treat you with steroids and progesterone as soon as u get hit next BFP. This is not provided at st Mary's or other NHS rmc's. I've only just got a grasp on it all and it's very basic knowledge so don't quote me on any of that but I think that's the gist of it!! X

Lucinda15 Mon 16-May-16 16:35:10

I've just finished prof regans book 'miscarriage - everything you need to know' and it was very informative and actually very useful in helping me understand and prepare myself for my appt tomorrow. I'm going to try the one about immunology next, ahead of Coventry, think it's called 'is your body baby ready', or friendly, or something! X

gingerbreadmanm Mon 16-May-16 17:28:55

I've only lost two so dont think they would do investigations yet. The consultant told me to report if i have any more mc's so i think 3 is the magic number.

I'm also up in the north east.

Mc was never investigated as first pregnancy. Lucas had pffd. They dont know what causes it buts its not genetic or herditary. He had nothing else wrong with him. Well scoliosis but after some digging that is also seen in severe cases of pffd so i think its all one condition.

They said pffd wouldnt usually kill a baby but i guess if it was so severe they may not know as the condition is so rare?

I also hd an amnio just after 20 weeks which seemed to go well but i guess if baby died at 24 weeks it could have been linked? I dont know i doubt anyone would ever say that as they could be liable.

Dixxie Mon 16-May-16 18:10:07

Lucinda, we are reading the same books! I'd love to compare notes and insights... Prof Quenby will accept referrals after 2 MC's, I've spoken to her secretary and she says if GP queries it, to have them call her. I want the NK killer cells test. Think you may have to pay, about £360 but worth it given that I was admitted to hospital vomiting and in agony when I was miscarrying... I was only 7 weeks and am sure my body went into attack mode, as it does each month for AF.

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