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back to work and greeted with pregnancy news :(

(11 Posts)
Nugget2016 Tue 10-May-16 22:06:16

3 weeks ago on 19th april i had a miscarriage at 10 weeks and one day
returned to work yesterday and still feel just as raw as when it happened
my manager is aware of everything and has been great with me, but whilst i was off new staff started, one of which announced today shes 12 weeks pregnant and it just feels like a kick on the teeth
usually in work we do collections for mums before mat leave and a party, shes due a week after i would have been and i dont know how i can spend the next few months watching her get bigger or being shown scan pics etc.
i feel as though everything is just gonna get on top of me and ill crash
how does everyone cope with such things? im on the waiting list for some counselling but i dont know how to deal with things until then.

Talcott2007 Tue 10-May-16 22:17:21

Oh Nugget - really have no realy advice I can't even begin to imagine having to deal with this but didnt want to read and run- Counselling sounds like a very good idea. How long before you start? I'm sure people will be along with much better advice soon but I just wanted to send you a big hug xxx

Nugget2016 Tue 10-May-16 22:27:32

my first session isnt until 1st june, im hoping i will benefit from it because the people in real life arent really supportive so i dont have anyone to talk to about anything really

Papergirl1968 Wed 11-May-16 00:42:20

So sorry for your loss.
Are you going to TTC again? If so, hopefully you will be pregnant when she goes on maternity leave. It won't replace the baby you lost, but will ease the pain.
Hopefully someone has told her to be sensitive with showing scan photos etc.
Look after yourself and don't be afraid to take off more time if you need to.

Nugget2016 Wed 11-May-16 06:52:40

nope since the miscarriage ive also ended things with my partner so wont be ttc any time soon sad
i wouldnt wish a miscarriage on anyone but i found myself yesterday thinking why me and not her kinda things, i just feel like im gonna turn bitter towards her because of it, which i dont want cause its not her fault but i just feel like shit about it all sad

knaffedoff Wed 11-May-16 07:06:37

Take it one day at a time, it will be incredibly hard. I worked with 2 ladies and had a nephew born on the day of my expected due date. I can't tell you how to get through this as I don't know how I did it. What I can say is take your time to grieve for the future you would have had, celebrate the pregnancy, however long or short and be kind to yourself.

It does get better I promise, it just takes a while x

purpleRH Wed 11-May-16 21:09:13

I'm so sorry Nugget, what an incredibly tough time for you. Please take things one day at a time and be kind of yourself x

EmeraldEars Wed 11-May-16 21:25:37

I'm sorry for your loss. Miscarriage is horrendous. I didn't want to be around pregnant people or people with young children after mine. I felt the same way as you.

You may find you need to keep a distance between yourself and your colleague and that's OK. You have to look after yourself and that includes mental health so if that means stepping back then do it. flowers

Nugget2016 Wed 11-May-16 21:54:12

i wish i could, i work in a gp practice, small reception team, theres only 3 full time staff at the moment and thats me her and one other staff member,
i was originally meant to be training this girl as shes new, but my manager asked one of the other girls becuse of what happened
but im still in such close contact with her, shes a nice girl but... i hear her talking about something even like morning sickness and it literally tears me apart...
i just dont know how or what to do, life really can be cruel some times

Papergirl1968 Wed 11-May-16 23:34:05

It must all feel very painful at the moment. You are grieving, and recovery, acceptance and moving on take time.
Have a read of today's blog - How Do I Explain Pregnancy Loss To A Toddler. I know you don't have a toddler but it is also about how the family remember their miscarried baby.

alliejellybean14 Thu 12-May-16 02:19:15

Hi Nugget, so so sorry for your loss. It's heartbreaking, and dealing with other pregnant people in the wake of your own miscarriage is, in my experience, one of the hardest things. The way I have got through this in the past is firstly being kind to myself and accepting it is perfectly okay to find it hard, and to let myself have a cry either to a sympathetic person or, if desperate, in the loos at work! I also found counselling so great and writing about my feelings around pregnant people in a journal certainly helped me to get it out of my system. Most of all, be as kind to yourself as possible. I found little treats like painting my nails a nice colour a good life - sounds trivial, but the little things like this really helped. Thoughts are with you.

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