When Do You Say, 'Enough'?

[ChatEnOeuf]

I don't really know exactly what I'm looking for here, but I'd be interested in others' experiences and opinions.

I've been pregnant five times; we have one DD who is four. Following her birth, I've had miscarriages at 8 weeks (one singleton and one twins), then a stillbirth at 36w. I've just been through a third miscarriage, and to be honest, it's hit me like a tonne of bricks. Much, much harder than previously.

I'm desperate for another child, I'm not ready to accept that my family is complete at this stage. I love babies, children - I work with them and can't imagine things any other way. I'd always imagined I'd have a little brood of my own. DH is the same, though his imaginary family size is limited by a standard family car :) But...I just don't know how I'll cope if the same happens again - another first-trimester loss, or (God forbid) another stillbirth. I don't know I'd survive intact.

In the absence of a medical crystal ball, what makes you decide to plough on? What makes you say no - enough is enough? If someone told me I couldn't have any more, we would look to adopt, without question. But I don't know if I can legitimately head down that route unless I'm sure my uterus is being retired.

[Iggii]

I kept going while there was hope - so after 3 mcs I knew I'd be tested, after 4 I was about to start a new treatment. If nothing had changed I don't think I could have kept going. Have you had any answers at all? I couldn't have kept going indefinitely as the impact on me was too much and I wasn't enjoying my ds's childhood. I was lucky and no.5 worked out so obviously I'm glad I kept going.
Very sorry for your losses

[Blueskies80]

Sorry for your losses you have been through such a lot.
As the prev poster said are you being referred for investigations now. Can you ask for counselling? Hope you get some support and answers.
I've had two MC consecutively and thought after the second that was it, but I've found some energy to press on from somewhere but I am petrified and anxious re treatment/early scans so TTC in a fairly relaxed way but now with a fertility monitor but part of me worries if we don't push it it won't happen. We will take it a cycle at a time.
So sorry for your losses

[ChatEnOeuf]

Thank you. I'm glad after all those heartbreaks you were able to have that joy with number 5.

I know I have a bicornuate uterus, and I know I don't have antiphospholipid syndrome or any other clotting disorders. Aside from that, we have no idea what made DD able to cling on so successfully, but none of the others. Which is the bit that makes the decision so much harder - it's the uncertainty...

[Marmiteontoast76]

I'm in a similar situation although I think we know our answer. It's been 2 months since we lost our son at 19 weeks and before that we lost our daughter at 20 weeks in September. I've had nhs investigations which have flagged up some problems with my thyroid, but all tests on baby were fine.

I'm nearly 40 and for me that has always been my cut-off point. However we've just been through all of that heartache for nothing. We will be seeing a hormone specialist on nhs soon hopefully but that's as far as nhs will take us apart from suggesting to take baby asprin and have extra scans which doesn't feel enough. If we were to move forward we would prob approach Shehata or Coventry but then we are looking at thousands.

I think we need at least 6 months to heal and then we'll make a final decision.

[Marmiteontoast76]

.....and sorry for all of your losses. X

[ChatEnOeuf]

Cross-posted with you last night, Blueskies. I've never asked for counselling - I just don't see how it will help. I am at peace with DS's death - the tiny residual guilt I have about not lying to my doctors and saying he wasn't moving in order to get him delivered while he was still alive is filed under 'ridiculous'. I know I did all I could for him. I'd like a reason as to why this keeps happening, and I know they are hard (if not impossible) to come by. Good luck, and I'm sorry also for your losses.

Marmite I can understand those feelings, it doesn't seem enough does it. I'd be happy to be strapped onto a monitor for the entire pregnancy if it meant coming home with a baby. I'm so sorry you've lost two at such a stage. I'm almost 35 and have that clock ticking fear too. I do hope your thyroid can be readily treated .

I'm so impatient, which I know doesn't help.

[Iggii]

Marmite, I saw Shehata, I took all NHS test results with me so didn't need too many additional tests. I'd say we paid £3000 in total (including trains/accommodation as I don't live in England). Had dc2 at 42. There are no guarantees though, I am not attempting to diagnose your losses or what treatment you could have,
But I think in general there isn't enough MC help available on the NHS.

[DrJuliaOgden]

It's hard isn't it? I still think of the ones I lost but try not to dwell too much.

Have you had the clotting tests done whilst you were pregnant? - my APS tests (before dd2 was born) were only ever positive whilst pregnant.

I hope you get an answer

[DrJuliaOgden]

I should have added I saw Prof Lesley Regan at St Mary's.

[Marmiteontoast76]

Iggii did you have any mcs whilst being treated by Shehata? Did he prescribe steroids and what were the side effects?
Agree there is not enough help on nhs. We we not investigated fully after the first 20 week loss - thyroid test is not standard testing after mc anyway - if we'd been tested we could have been told to avoid another pregnancy, we had to have another late loss to find this out.

[Iggiii]

Marmite, I have an under active thyroid, always increase thyroxine dose when pg. My losses were all 1st trimester. I was already pg when I saw him and did start his protocol, but later - miscarried that time. Steroids made me full of life, harder to get to sleep, and my face went a bit rounder.
I suspected autoimmune issues due to thyroid problems, but for others it's different.
Took loads of vitamins too, D3 and high strength folic acid among them, and baby aspirin and progesterone.

[ChatEnOeuf]

I didn't have clotting done while pregnant, DrJ, they insisted I was 6w postpartum before testing. How interesting that pregnancy can change these things so much. If I get pregnant again I'll certainly be asking about that.

[Itsalwayssunny]

Chat, I've only suffered one late loss so I can't offer any advice but I just wanted to say how sorry I am to read this.

I was very much of the same opinion re counselling, I did end up having some last year and it helped me far more than I thought it would.

[Itsalwayssunny]

Sorry posted before I finished! I had always ruled it out before (when offered for other reasons) so I would say it could be something for you to consider at some point, really did help me when I was struggling mentally.