I'm so sad and angry

[SoSad16]

I had a miscarriage a week ago. Everyone was great and supportive, but now everyone and everything is back to normal and it feels better for everyone that we have all moved on. But I haven't. I cry whenever I am on my own. I have a really short temper. I don't give a cr@p about anything at work and I'm normally very career focuses and in a very senior job. I want to drink wine all the time just to numb myself. My husband seems to be completely over it. I am really impatient with my 3 year old which is awful because I should be appreciating her more than ever right now. I feel like I'm losing it. How will it get better?

[Iggi999]

You poor thing, of course you're not over it after a week. And your dh is unlikely to be either, he just may be relieved the initial shock and physical side is over.
I still think about mine a long time later, but the pain reduces so much over time. You need to allow yourself time to physically recover, and to grieve. I didn't get much support in real life but mumsnet was a godsend.

[Haymac98]

I started having a miscarriage today.. I am only 17 and I am dealing with this basically on my own except for the support from my boyfriend.. Loosing what you are expecting is the worst pain that I have ever imagined. I too am struggling to care about my work and schooling and I am straight A student and work 20-25 hours a week. The biggest thing that is helping me right now is reminding myself it's not my fault. You already have a healthy child and family so don't forget what you have.. I know it is hard to move on from what we have lost, but the best way to move on is to not feel bad for accepting your loss and appreciating what you do have.. Take some time to talk to yourself and let yourself know it's ok to let go... As soon as we let ourselves know it is ok to let go then we will start to let go. Don't let anyone rush your grieving process because this hurt us more than anyone else and no one else is us.. I understand your hurt and I'm sorry for your loss.. Now go and look at all you have gained and I hope you start to feel better.

[caza25]

I am sorry for your loss. You are grieving and hurt, your emotions are normal, so don't be hard on yourself. I read that people's sympathy and our grief don't match. You grieve a lot longer. People who haven't been through it don't understand and society hasn't been educated to understand. Everyone understands pregnancy but not misccariage, it is never mentioned.

I found planning to do things with my little girl really helped, to see her laugh helped me heal. I realised that is what it is all about and have tried to thankfully for what I have.

But be gentle on yourself, you are hurting and it is painful. But try not to hurt those closest to you as that could make you feel worst.

[Ditsy4]

I am so sorry you have lost your baby. I had several miscarriages and each one was different. You will feel it more than others because you were carrying your child. Sometimes people just don't know what to say. They can't make it better. It will take time and sometimes hit you like a brick ages after when you least expect it! Don't forget your hormones will be all over the place too on top of your emotions.
Get some help from the GP if you need it. Mine was brilliant after one of my miscarriages. He had sent me for a scan( I had taken two years to conceive) and there was no heart beat. He was nearly as upset as me and sat and held my hand while I talked to him.
Your husband will be grieving just men don't always voice it. Look after yourself make life a bit easier let M&S cook for you some nights. Have a luxury bath, go for a massage do things for you for a while. I didn't do these things but I have learnt with age that sometimes taking the pressure off ourselves can help us to have space to heal.

[Spotsondots]

I'm so sorry for your loss and that you are going through this. Everything you describe I could have written exactly about myself a few weeks back. All of what you describe is totally normal. You are grieving and the process takes time. Be kind to yourself.

As a pp has said, you will feel it more because you carried your baby. I asked my DH if he thought about the baby and was he sad about a fortnight afterwards as he seemed like he was acting as though nothing had happened while I still felt like the bottom had fallen out of my world. He replied that of course he thought about it and was sad but that he was more worried about me. He also said that it was harder to get as attached to the baby without actually seeing any evidence of it if that makes sense. It didn't feel as real to him as it did to me, because it wasn't him that was going through a bunch of pregnancy symptoms and not fitting in his trousers, but that didn't mean it wasn't a loss to him, and it doesn't make what he felt and how he acted wrong, that's just how it was to him. While that doesn't necessarily make it easier (because let's face it, nothing but time can really do that) it helped me understand why he was acting the way he was.

Give yourself time and kindness. It will get easier but it is a horrid place to be and you are absolutely allowed to feel however you feel.