Had a bad day(5 Posts)
Name changed as this is revealing
I had an early mc a few weeks ago. I went back to work a few days later. Part of my job can't be done if pregnant (think lab work). Today was the first day I had to be back in the lab since the mc. No one at work knew - I would have had to tell them last week so I could be taken off the project.
Anyway, I found today so tough. There are signs everywhere saying expectant mothers can't be there, and tannoy announcements. And I just feel so sad right down to my core. I kept thinking 'I shouldn't be here.'
I can barely face the thought of having to go back tomorrow and the next day and the next.
That sounds so tough. How awful for you. I'm not surprised it's a bad day.
Are you in the lab daily or can you take that part of your job slowly as in go in once this week, a couple of times next week etc and build up to it?
Truly I am so sorry you are going through this, could you let people know so that they can be sensitive to you. Hopefully things will become easier once the initial slap in the face of the posters has worn off a bit.
I too work in a lab but confided in the lab manager very early on in all three of my pregnancies (2 MC) because of extreeme morning sickness and bleeding I wasnt really safe. She helped me be side lined on to other activities. The hardest thing for me has been that my work is related to early pregnancy so not only do we handle products of concepltion in the lab we also discuss miscarriage on an academic level. For me the things I can prepare myself for are ok to deal with, it is the bits that take me off guard that are hard. It is easier if I can just be working Goulash and not the patient/victim at work, mostly that has helped me focus on just doing the job and be numb to my own feelings at work. That was impossible when the doctor who had looked after me in the EPU turned up at work to colaborate on a project, he didnt say anything but clearly recognised me and felt uncomfortable working with me given how we had met prevoiusly.
It is the same in other aspects of my life too, I can cope with the hard things I have prepared for, but the unexpected pregnancy announcements are like a blow to the stomach.
It doesnt really matter how early the MC was, it will still have an emotional impact that you will have to process. If you are feeling this low I would suggest going to the GP and asking to be signed off. It is not weak to feel sad, you are processing a form of grief and trying to do it while hiding it from those around you at work. Be gentle on yourself. Also find out if there is any councilling in your area. If you are anywhere in the East let me know and I highly recomend Petals, they have helped me loads.
Im so sorry for your loss. I have been in the same boat with reminders that I was meant to be pregnant too...at work...friends announcing pregnancies...overhearing conversations about being x weeks pregnant and it was the exact same weeks I was meant to be too. It is really painful, yet most us us go on in silence and no one knows how much it hurts.
Take care of yourself, you're not alone and support is always here.
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