Another case of 'bad luck'

(4 Posts)
Newstart123 Fri 08-Apr-16 23:36:51

Last year I had a full term stillbirth at 39 weeks. Baby Samuel was perfectly formed but his placenta failed. Such a sad time but dragged myself up and got pregnant in January this year. Found out a couple of weeks ago that growth was behind and a hernia was found and had to return for scan last week. Did this and found that our rainbow had Acrania and was missing a skull. Tfmr on Tuesday and had an erpc as I was 14 weeks but measuring small. Mentally lost. Think that rainbow was my sticking plaster for Sam. Now finding myself back in darkness. Need to lose some weight and heal emotionally before even thinking about trying again. Why am I doing this to myself. Have 1 pre school daughter but still attached to trying again....

marmiteontoast76 Sat 09-Apr-16 09:40:10

Newstart I'm so sorry to hear what you've been through, it's so sad. What kinds of support have you been getting? Are you seeing a counsellor? Have you been in touch with Sands? Have the hospital referred you to a specialist consultant?

I have not experienced losing a baby so late, however I had a 20 week loss back in September. I then tried for my 'band aid' baby straight away but sadly lost him at 19 weeks in Feb. It's been a very dark time and I'm giving myself as much time as possible to grieve this time. Really does feel like life has punched me in the face. This forum has helped massively though....has made me feel less alone knowing others have experienced losses too...and there are mums on here who will be able to give you positive stories of their lives after losses.

Newstart123 Sat 09-Apr-16 10:15:09

Planning to seek counselling. The hospital were really good and I was under consultant care for this pregnancy. As I am based in Liverpool I was 'lucky' to be seen by the fetal medicine specialists the day after getting the scan. They are going to send tissue samples to the lab for chromosomal testing. I have been told that this was 'bad luck'. The Erpc was the best option for me as I couldn't face giving birth again. Just hate the fact that this has happened again. I feel defective and that this is becoming my identity. Facing having to put my life back together with no baby

marmiteontoast76 Sat 09-Apr-16 11:25:28

I understand. It's like falling into a crater sized dark hole and trying somehow to climb out, but there is no baby to mend your broken heart....that's how I've been feeling....plus have to hear about other people's newborn baby announcements and each one feels like a stab in the heart. It's been 6 weeks since we lost our son and things are getting easier very slowly. I'll have a few really good days when I look at the things I do have and feel very grateful and happy, but then other days when I feel devastated again and robbed and can't see how I'll ever get over it.

It's still so very raw for you as it only happened on Tuesday. I'm sure in a few months you will be in a better place to think about the future and possibility of trying again, but for now you need to be kind to yourself and grieve for this baby.

If you want positive stories though, I have a friend who had an awful mc at 11 weeks, then had her dd1, then lost ds1 at 40 weeks, then was preg 8 months later and had her healthy dd2.

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