When will I stop feeling

[Buster5187]

Like this. I had a missed miscarriage back in Janurary. Trying over 12 months to fall pg.
I thought in time things would get easier. But I'm constantly thinking about well now id be 20 weeks, I wonder what my bump would be like. On a holiday abroad. Hoping that would help & another booked for when I'd be due. But all I keep thinking is I am meant to have a bump / baby then. I physically can't look at posts for those who have recently fallen/the same time as me, I literally break down in tears.

I bled for months. My periods are back on track but still not quite usual. My husband doesn't "get" why I am still so sad about it, I want to shake the feeling away.

I stupidly thought I'd fall again straight away & all would be fine from talking with others who've had that experience. All the bleeding etc it isn't happening.

I had a terrible experience / pains & couldn't cope with it at all. That terrifies me in case it happens again.

Just feeling fed up, wanting but not having, sad & emotional :(

[mexymoo]

So sorry for your loss. For me it took a long time to accept it, it happened just before Xmas 2013 so Xmas was pretty awful. We had been trying for almost a year & I was 38 at the time!

It was really hard seeing others who were pregnant and then having babies when my baby would have been due. Be kind to yourself, it's ok to feel this way. I think it's harder for out OH's to understand as they never really connected with the baby like you did.

I registered with Emma's diary and still get 'updates' now (your baby at 18 months)

I eventually fell pregnant again in Dec 14 when I had kind of given up hope!

All I can say is just keep trying if you feel ready, sending big hugs

[caza25]

I am really sorry for your lose. It is so hard, be kind to yourself.

I just bought a book called surviving a miscarriage. It is very good at explaining your enotions and tips on how to cope.

I am not sure there is a time limit on how long it takes for things to get easier. I am sending a big hug. The success stories on mumsnet are a great way to believe that there is hope for us all.

Best wishes

[PerspicaciaTick]

Oh Buster (((hugs))) it is truly shit. It is all still so fresh for you, of course you are still hurting. From my experience, I would say that the feelings never quite disappear, they changed me as a person forever, but they do settle and fade with time.
I had a bit of a relapse around my due date for my MC, it was like I had been hit by a truck. I had been so busy coping when it all happened but I think the feelings sort of mugged me when I had half thought I was over it. In the end I wrote myself a long letter with a timeline (saying what happened and how I felt) and how I was feeling and coping (not brilliantly). Then a few weeks letter I bought a small piece of jewellry as a private gesture to mark my baby. That all helped enormously - the recognising and remembering.
More recently I went to a Saying Goodbye service (and I'm not at all religious) for parents who have lost babies at all sorts of stages. It was very emotional, but again I felt the formal remembering was very helpful for me.

You will find your own ways of coping. You will find a way to move forward. Keep talking to your DH and look after yourself .

[Buster5187]

Thank you all so much. I know I'm not alone in this. But feel it at times. I feel baby obsessed!
Moreso recently. It's just up and down my emotions. Can just take each day as it comes & pray I fall again & can keep next baby