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Service for ds

(16 Posts)
KittyandTeal Wed 30-Mar-16 15:59:21

So the hospital Chaplin has just called with the date and time. He can sort it all out himself but that doesn't feel right.

I've done this before with dd2 and struggled to fine readings. In the end we went for 'snowdrop' and 'no matter what'.

Every fibre of me is resisting this. I don't want to do this, I don't want to go through it all again, I don't want to be saying goodbye to my second baby.

So...what the hell do I choose for readings?

There's a bit of me that wants to have no music, no readings and just spend time with him. I'm not sure if that's what dh will want. I need to ask him but he's at work atm.

Any suggestions or help would be great!

KittyandTeal Wed 30-Mar-16 17:49:25


Pinkheart5915 Wed 30-Mar-16 17:52:45

When me and dh had a stillbirth a few years ago at the funeral we had the snowdrop poem and I wrote a letter to our dd that got read out ( not by me) would you be able to write a few lines to your baby ? If you feel able to write it somebody else could read it

KittyandTeal Wed 30-Mar-16 17:59:09

I'm quite private and so although I do write to both my babies I don't feel I want the words read out.

Part of the problem is that I feel like we used all the 'good' ones that felt relevant to us. I can find anything that feels right this time.

purpleflower23 Wed 30-Mar-16 20:00:42

KittyandTeal I'm so sorry you're having to go through this, I can't imagine how painful it must be.

My advice would be to just go with what feels right in your heart, I think we all deal with consecutive losses differently and there's no right or wrong way; what felt right for your daughter might not feel right for your son. I would say that if you just want a quiet time of reflection (and your DH is OK with that) then that's what you should do.

flowers xx

StrawberryLeaf Wed 30-Mar-16 20:17:06

I'm so sorry thanks

I like the one, "do not stand at my grave and weep, I am not there, I do not sleep".

It always brought me comfort that my daughter is around me.

KittyandTeal Wed 30-Mar-16 20:17:39


My dh has been very sensible and has said let's leave it until he's off and we can talk and look properly. Until then just process it and let it sink in.

I've done an exercise from my counsellor to get all my feelings and anger out and I'll run tmrw. At some point something will come to me. And if not I'll just do what feels right on the day.

KittyandTeal Wed 30-Mar-16 20:19:01

Thank you strawberry, I like that one too. It's the only one I seem to be able to find that suits. And maybe 'remember'

Itsalwayssunny Wed 30-Mar-16 21:20:55

Remembering my Elizabeth Dent really fit for us for our DS.

I am sure when you find something you'll know it feels like the right thing to have read. You could use the same as you had at DD2, in a way that brings them together in a way maybe?

Have been thinking of you Kitty. Huge hugs x

KittyandTeal Wed 30-Mar-16 21:38:36

Thank you sunny, that was the one I was looking for.

I like the idea of something being the same I think. It just feels so full on I can't really face it tbh

obsessed1 Wed 30-Mar-16 23:53:20

Oh I've just read Remembering and it's beautiful. I haven't come across that one before. How very true.

I was also going to suggest do not stand at my grave and weep. We used that and the snowdrop poem at our boys' funeral.

We also played a song that had special meaning to us. I hope your minister will let you do whatever feels right for you. Sending you a big hug, my heart goes out to you xxxx

TalkMeDownPlease Wed 30-Mar-16 23:57:15

We read a story, which we chose together (in floods of tears in Waterstones) which I read and then it (the book) was cremated with our baby.
flowers for your loss I am so sorry

Itscurtainsforyou Thu 31-Mar-16 00:40:10

We used this one (although I left out the bit about "another child you'll bear")

An Angel Never Dies

Don’t let them say I wasn’t born,
That something stopped my heart
I felt each tender squeeze you gave,
I’ve loved you from the start.

Although my body you can’t hold
It doesn’t mean I’m gone
This world was worthy, not of me
God chose that I move on.

I know the pain that drowns your soul,
What you are forced to face
You have my word, I’ll fill your arms,
Someday we will embrace.

You’ll hear that it was meant to be,
God doesn’t make mistakes
But that wont soften your worst blow,
Or make your heart not ache.

I’m watching over all you do,
Another child you’ll bear
Believe me when I say to you,
That I am always there.

There will come a time, I promise you,
When you will hold my hand,
Stroke my face and kiss my lips
And then you’ll understand.

Although I’ve never breathed your air,
Or gazed into your eyes
That doesn’t mean I never was,
An Angel never dies.

Thinking of you

RTKangaMummy Thu 31-Mar-16 00:41:09

RTKangaMummy Thu 31-Mar-16 00:43:18

KittyandTeal Thu 31-Mar-16 09:12:49

Thank you all. Those are really helpful.

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