Anxiety/low mood after third miscarriage

[Jayni313]

Hello everyone! Just wanted to send a quick post; we suffered our third miscarriage in February and had a D&C three weeks ago, baby was 8 weeks when they died, I lost the previous two at 5 and 7 weeks respectively. We've already got one beautiful DC and have made the painstaking but necessary decision not to have anymore children...we just cannot go through this again...

Thing is, I was dealing really well with things, but since this miscarriage I have been hyper anxious, not sleeping, snappy, crying at really random things (like a PowerPoint at work!? I mean, WTF!!!!), racing heart and generally feeling really nervous at situations which shouldn't be making me nervous. It's not stopping me doing anything, I'm going to work as normal and doing everything I normally do with DC, only DH and one friend have noticed I'm not myself so it's clearly not obvious to people...I'm just hating feeling like this and wanting some advise if anyone has any?
TIA :) xx

[Lou1791]

Hi Jayni,

So sorry for your losses.

I had a miscarriage (now diagnosed molar pregnancy) in Jan. I've been struggling with all the things you've mentioned and this was my first pregnancy. I can't imagine going through it more than once.

I'm not sure I can offer advice but words of support and understanding. I think these feelings are normal. It is a devastating, life changing experience and for you it is even more recent. Give yourself time.

I hope you begin to feel better soon.

[lateforeverything]

So sorry for your losses.

I second Lou, give yourself time. I made the mistake of 'soldiering on' thinking I was/would be ok but eventually the lack of sleep burnt me out after my mc.

I understand that it's not stopping you from doing anything but that's just it- maybe it should if you see what I mean? In hindsight I wish I'd taken more time out x

[KittyandTeal]

I'm sorry for your losses.

I have just lost my second (third baby, dd1 is living). After loosing dd2 I said one more go, we have just lost our 'one more go' ds at 14 weeks. I also cannot do this again and have decided to not have anymore although, obviously, I would desperately love another.

I am finding that this time I am not just grieving for the loss of my ds but the loss of how I imagined my family to be, no more pregnancies, no more babies, just having dd1.

I have also found I am much more anxious, specifically about dd1. Apparently this is absolutely normal, it's not fun though.

💐

[Jayni313]

Thank you for your responses ladies, I'm really sorry to hear about your experiences :( I'm glad what I'm experiencing isn't abnormal though by the sounds of things...I did see my dr this morning and he's prescribed some anti depressants for a couple of weeks but I'm in two
Minds about taking them...
It's so horrible when people on the outside can't see why your upset, but like you said kittyandteal, you aren't just mourning a life but also a family you were expecting xx

[BipBippadotta]

Jayni I'm very sorry for your losses. I've had several miscarriages and after each one I've had a period of feeling very physically anxious - tense jaw, racing mind / heart, etc - on top of what feels more like an emotional response to grief. My theory has been that it's the sudden drop in progesterone that causes the skittishness - and it generally subsides for me after about 6 weeks (which is a loooong time when you're feeling on edge, but it does go back to normal). Go easy on yourself if you can.

[lateforeverything]

That's so true about mourning Jayni. In my circumstances dh and I weren't actually trying and I was so horrendously busy at work that I hadn't even realised that I was pregnant until the mc started to happen. It was like my life was flashing before me and suddenly the bleeding gums, steak cravings and glowing skin all made sense but at the same I was losing the baby. It was simply horrific.

For the next few months I went over and over in my head about what I ate, drank etc and blamed myself for not realising. We weren't trying and it was my first pregnancy but I still felt so guilty for not seeing the signs.

I think that my healing process took much longer because my gp was completely insensitive and dismissive. I never set foot in that surgery again. What did you decide about the antidepressants?

[Jayni313]

Thanks for your replies ladies :) I've not started them lateforeverything, been concentrating on doing loads of activities with Dc and find that that's being therapeutic in itself...he did say that I can start and stop them when I want, I'm just sceptical of antidepressants when I'm grieving and not depressed if that makes sense? He did say it may help the anxiety but they may also make the anxiety worse ?!?!

[lateforeverything]

Personally I'm a bit skeptical too and don't think that I would ever take them but that is just mo. I agree that grief and depression are two entirely different things.

Your dc is def the best therapy, I have a dss who lives with us full time and I love him like my own. I cannot imagine not having had my boy with me in that time. He never knew what was wrong but always tried his best to 'stop mummy's tears' when I did have a wobble in front of him

I really hope that you continue to heal and mend. Sending you warmest wishes x

[bananafish81]

I think there is a difference between being depressed because you're experiencing a period of feeling (understandably) very down about something very sad that's happened in your life, and clinical depression.

I was certainly very low after my Mum died - bereavement is very sad, and grief is incredibly emotionally tough

I only have experience of the one miscarriage so far - lost our baby at 10w just over a fortnight ago (ERPC the same day) - and the emotions I'm feeling now, and the peaks and troughs, feel very familiar to me. Grief manifests itself in all sort of ways. I'd have days when I'd feel really positive and full of energy. Then suddenly I'd come crashing down to earth and feel utterly despairing. And sometimes really angry and snappy. Sometimes really manic. Sometimes really anxious.

Agreeing with PP that grief and depression are two different things

I really really benefitted from speaking to a therapist after I lost my Mum. I went under duress, basically thought it would be a load of bullshit etc I found it found being able to talk about how I was feeling in a completely safe space unbelievably helpful, and the counsellor didn't tell me what to think or do, but just gave me pause to reflect on things.

I know that wait lists for talking therapies are horrendous, which is why GPs dole out antidepressants so readily, as they aren't able to offer the treatment they know would be most beneficial

Many psychotherapists will work on a sliding scale, where you pay what you can afford. If you thought a few sessions might be doable, I'd strongly recommend giving it a go

Much love and strength xx

[bananafish81]

Oh and an app like Headspace, or downloading some guided meditation / relaxation tracks or playlists, can be really really helpful

Much easier to fit into your daily life too

[lateforeverything]

I totally relate to the mood swings between feeling angry and manic bananafish. So sorry for your loss. I've started a bit of meditation too recently actually and even though I didn't do so because of the mc, it has helped me to deal with my emotions and fully accept what happened. I don't blame myself so much anymore.

I remember really clearly overcooking a boiled egg one day soon after the mc and then feeling like I was a useless twat for the rest of the day and not eating a thing My 'rationale' at the time was "Of course I don't know when an eggs's cooked, I didn't even know what was going on in my own body!"

At the time I thought I was going to feel that way forever but it does pass with time xxx

[bananafish81]

Hi ladies. Hope you are all doing OK, and hanging in there. I saw this on FB and it rang quite true to me, given the discussion on this thread - thought you might appreciate it...

[CarrotVan]

Jayni - I started on Sertraline for anxiety and depression after my third MC. It's the only way I've been able to function over the past few months. I had a lot of other stuff going on too and had drifted into situational depression.