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I just want a baby.

(3 Posts)
littlepeanut16 Mon 21-Mar-16 09:44:58

I had a miscarriage when I thought I was around 11 weeks. The doctors think I had lost it early and it just took a while to show it had happened (I didn't really understand what they meant).

It was my first ever pregnancy, I'm only 20, which I know is young but I was SO ready for it to happen. It's all I've ever wanted. I had already told my whole family, bought baby & you bubble bath, stretch mark cream and found a really cute piglet onesie I'd saved since I was little. I also know it's silly to get so ahead of myself. Believe me when I say I've learned my lesson. But I was so excited.

Then the day after I'd called my family I started bleeding heavily and after waiting for a scan (worst weekend of my life) they told me there was no sign of pregnancy in my uterus. I remember being upset but ready to try again, to the point where I was almost obsessed. Me and my boyfriend were trying to move house at this point too and everywhere we looked I was asking about the baby's room etc to the point he now doesn't want to try because I made it feel so awfully forced.

After all of this, I still want a baby. It's been a couple of months of trying so hard to change my mind, I even went and got the implant, thinking it was maybe just my hormones making me want one. But no. I can't stop thinking about my little peanut.

I'm sorry this is so long winded, I just had to get it out somewhere and here seemed best.

nailsathome Mon 21-Mar-16 14:23:40

Sorry you're going through this.

What it seems the dr was telling you is that you've had a missed miscarriage. I had my second one 2 weeks ago. It's when the baby has died but for some reason your body carries on with the pregnancy for a while. I still thought I was pregnant 6 weeks after losing my first one.

It is a really tough time and I was the same as you the first time. I had an overwhelming need to have a baby to fill the hole in my heart.

Please get some bereavement counselling and look after yourself x

littlepeanut16 Tue 22-Mar-16 11:40:00

Thank you. I'll have a think about the counsellingsmile

Had a huge chat with my boyfriend about how down I was feeling about it last night over a meal. Didn't think explaining how much I still wanted a baby was a particularly good idea so left that out but still felt good to tell him I actually felt worse than I had explained.

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