I was coping really well until now

(10 Posts)
Pineapple80 Fri 18-Mar-16 21:26:22

I found out I had a missed mc about a month ago now and have since had a D&C. It has been about 3 weeks since that. I feel like I have bee rather practical about it all accepted things did not work out. I was about 9.5 weeks when I found out and baby measured only 6 wks and had no heartbeat. I have been sad but my life has continued as per normal mostly as I have an almost 3yo dc.

Last night I was on Facebook and a woman from my parenting group (much like the UK NCT groups) has just announced her new pregnancy (we all had our first babies around the same time) and she is due on the exact same day this baby I lost was due. I was gutted, they had their happy scan picture on display and she complained of the terrible morning sickness she was suffering. Obviously this is wonderful news for them, but I am admittedly gutted. What were the chances she'd be due on the same day?!

I know I will get over this but I felt like I had coped and dealt with this so well and it was behind me. I didn't even feel any sadness or anger towards pregnant women, it just didn't bother me but I guess this is just closer to home... sad. I just want to be pregnant again. Anyway I really needed to get this out and thanks for reading.

KittyandTeal Sat 19-Mar-16 12:47:36

Pregnancy announcements are tough at the best of times after a mc without it being the same date as your due date.

Have a bitch and a moan about her complaining and how unfair it is to someone you trust. You don't have to feel over the moon or even happy for her right now, it's ok to feel sad or jealous or angry.

It will hit you in different ways at different times.

I got an email from an nct friend recently, she's just had her third. I've also just had my third, except number 2 was still born and number 3 was a mmc. All I could muster was a mumbled 'for fuck sake'. At some point I'll be happy for her but atm I'm just pissed off that once again I dont have a baby.

Try not to be Wonder Woman, the woman who has lost a baby but is happy for everyone else. I tried it and it eats you up.

💐 For you x

Pineapple80 Sun 20-Mar-16 04:05:49

Hi Kitty, thanks for your reply and I'm sorry for your losses.

I did have a moan to my two best friends, one of which has had struggles with infertility and another who has had multiple losses herself. It is good to have their support and understanding.

You are right though, I have unknowingly been trying to be Wonder Woman lately. Guess I am only human after all.

Appreciate your reply and kind words. Congratulations on your little one smile

Pineapple80 Sun 20-Mar-16 04:07:57

Sorry Kitty I re read your message and realise your third was mmc too. Apologies, and wishing you all the best thanks

KittyandTeal Sun 20-Mar-16 08:04:51

No worries, it is a bit of a confusing way of wording it, sorry!

Often we don't realise we're trying to be Wonder Woman until someone else points it out to us. Try and be kind to yourself

Pineapple80 Sun 20-Mar-16 09:20:58

Well I wouldn't have thought that at all until you mentioned it, so you're spot on with it.

I read another one of your posts on someone else's thread earlier and you have been through quite a bit yourself. Take care of yourself too. It has been really good speaking with someone who has been through similar.

northdownmummy Sun 20-Mar-16 09:28:43

You just need to be kind to yourself, whatever you're feeling is right for you.
Personally I took a 6mth break from Facebook etc. after my mc, I found it too hard to read others happy news.
I've since had a gorgeous daughter but still shed a few tears on what would have been the anniversary of my due date. I think learning to deal with the emotions just takes time.

Loki17 Sun 20-Mar-16 20:43:24

You have to let yourself feel and be angry. My sil is getting married on my due date. She has no idea of the significance of the date and I'd never tell her. But, inside, I'm all 'of all the dates in the year, why that one?!' I had a good cry and a scream and now I can go on. Be kind to yourself. You too, Kitty xx

andadietcoke Sun 20-Mar-16 20:50:09

Almost exactly the same thing happened to me. A friend, and bloody Kate Middleton. I collapsed. I'd been fine and suddenly I wasn't. No one understood at all, because I'd been okay. Fortunately I was pregnant by the time of the EDD for my mc but it was still a painful time. Hang in there, and take care of yourself. Talk, to anyone who will listen. I didn't, and that made it worse for me too. I'm very sorry for your loss.

Pineapple80 Wed 23-Mar-16 09:59:53

Thanks for your replies ladies and sharing your experiences. I'm sorry for your losses and sorry that you've also felt this sadness and anger around your due dates.

I'm feeling a little better about it now. I did stop the notifications on Facebook as I don't want to hear anymore baby news from her or the group for the time being.

All the best to you all smile

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