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3rd miscarriage. How much time off work?

(17 Posts)
Lucinda15 Fri 11-Mar-16 14:29:42

I've just had my 3rd miscarriage in 9 months.

My first one was in July 15 at 11.5 weeks and was very traumatic. I suffered heavy bleeding & was admitted to hospital via a&e after passing out several times with blood loss. I needed an emergency erpc on the ward and drips throughout the night. I was very unwell and was signed off work for 2 weeks.

I then had a very early miscarriage in Nov 15 at 5 weeks. It was hugely different experience, a lot easier physically and emotionally and I only had 2 days off work with what felt like a heavy period.

On Tuesday I had an early scan at 8 weeks pregnant and found out id had a missed miscarriage. I had the day off work for the scan. I went to work on Wednesday but was very upset and had started spotting. I was sent home early. Boss told me not to push myself and not to come in if not up to it on Monday (I don't work on thurs or fris).

I have now miscarried naturally at home over the last couple of days, it was painful and quite heavy but thankfully I think it is nearly over. Apart from feeling exhausted I feel ok. Nothing like my first miscarriage.

I feel I could go back to work on Monday but a friend has suggested I sign myself off for the week. She thinks that I am playing this one down because my first miscarriage was so awful, and that I should take a bit more time and not rush back to work. But I am wondering if it wld be appropriate to take any more time off. I do feel ok physically, but am tired and don't feel quite up to speed. But my emotions are all over the place. I'm quite up and down, one minute I feel calm and have accepted what's happened, the next I'm in tears and disbelief that this has happened again. So physically I think I could go back, but emotionally perhaps not so much and guess a few more days to get my head round everything could be good. But I'm just scared people at work will frown at me for milking the situation if I took any more time off.

Interested to know what other people have done with work when they have miscarried.

stumblymonkey Fri 11-Mar-16 15:06:40

Sorry....I don't have any experience with miscarriages as we haven't got pregnant yet but I would say to consider your mental health as well as your physical health.

Everyone is different but of course your emotions are all over the place and if staying at home and taking a week out to take care of yourself would help then you should. It would be entirely appropriate too.

And I just wanted to share a positive story about pregnancy after friend had five miscarriages last year and now has a healthy DD born just before Christmas.

thanks for you....

FuzzyOwl Fri 11-Mar-16 15:11:19

So sorry to hear of your losses flowers

I can't remember exactly, but I had quite a bit of time off for my mmc and erpc but mentally I needed it. Physically I also very quickly afterwards had a relapse of another illness that had gone into remission due to pregnancy and I refused to take any medication as I was ttc, so I feel very unwell.

I would say to take the amount of time that is right for you. Three miscarriages is awful if it is spread out, let alone over a short space of time. Make sure you look after yourself.

andadietcoke Fri 11-Mar-16 15:14:54

I'm sorry for your losses.

Everyone copes differently. I had a total of two half days off with mine. I didn't want work to know because I was in a managerial position and didn't want my boss to know I was thinking about having kids. But oh my goodness, when the loss hit me it was hard to deal with (two months later when I had time off for Christmas).

Do whatever you want to do, but do it for you, rather than out of any sense of misplaced loyalty or comparison with your first miscarriage. Be kind to yourself.

Lucinda15 Fri 11-Mar-16 15:20:32

Thank you. I think I agree with what you say and I would probably tell a someone to do the same if It had happened to them. It's just hard to accept and know what's right when you are in that position. And I do want to push on and get back to normal really. But I'm in a weird sort of limbo at the moment. Feel a bit detached. So in truth I am not sure what to do.

Thank you for the positive story. I'm so glad things worked out for your friend, it must have been heartbreaking for her to suffer those miscarriages.

I have a strong yearning for another child (blessed with DS who is 4) but can't even contemplate another pregnancy yet. The thought fills me with dread. The two emotions are so strong and are causing a real tug of war in my head. I am trying to come to terms with the idea that we will not have another, I couldn't bare to go through it all and lose again, and I really have more than I ever dreamt of.

I'm sure we will try again but we will definitely be taking a break from it all for a few months.

absolutelynotfabulous Fri 11-Mar-16 15:22:51

flowers. I was signed off for 5 days with mine (I was about 10 weeks gone, at a guess). Heavy blood loss, lots of pain but no complications.

Look after yourself.

Lucinda15 Fri 11-Mar-16 15:24:29

Thank you fuzzy & andadiet I didn't see your posts. I think I'm fine physically im just not sure what's going on in my head....Thank you for the support flowers

Lucinda15 Fri 11-Mar-16 15:27:18

Thank you absolutely

FuzzyOwl Fri 11-Mar-16 15:35:47

How you feel emotionally is just as important as how you feel physically. Don't think that just because what is wrong with you can't be seen it isn't of equal significance to your overall health. I would also say, from my experience, that it isn't just the immediate aftermath but how you feel when your due dates come up, or the anniversaries of your BFPs, scans, symptoms etc. Sadly it can be a long time of looking after yourself that is needed.

KittyandTeal Fri 11-Mar-16 16:25:29

I think everyone is different.

I had 6 weeks and then a phased return after loosing dd2 at 22 weeks but that was a highly traumatic tfmr.

I've just had what I guess is a mmc, a 14 week scan showed baby boy had died around 13+1. I've just had medical management.

I'm planning on not going back until after Easter holidays now (teacher) which feels like a long time, especially as physically this time was much easier. However, I am fully expecting the huge emotional fall out fairly soon.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es Fri 11-Mar-16 16:33:51

I had two at 6 weeks, then a normal pregnancy and delivery, then a third at about 6 weeks. Physically they were like very heavy periods with a lot of cramping. I took a week off for each of the first two, but the third one I didn't take any time off at all, I preferred to not be at home alone dwelling on it (DS would have been at nursery) and found work took my mind off things. I don't think I even told anyone except DH. However if I had wanted to take the time off I would have had no qualms about doing so.

You have to do what feels right for you. flowers.

shopaholic85 Fri 11-Mar-16 20:26:08

I'm so sorry for your losses flowers I agree with everything that has been said. There really are no rules and depends on what kind of job you do. I took 2 weeks after my mc at 6 weeks, but then had odd days after that. I needed the time to grieve and for my mental health. Do what is best for you please.

Persipan Fri 11-Mar-16 20:33:41

I took a day off each time (5w6d, and 10w2d), because physically they were just like periods and emotionally I preferred to stay busy (and didn't really want to get into telling people about it). I think it's totally up to what you feel is right for you, though.

Iggi999 Fri 11-Mar-16 21:53:06

You must be physically and emotionally drained, you've really been through the wringer. I took two weeks more or less with each one.

Iggi999 Fri 11-Mar-16 21:53:50

..none of mine felt like heavy periods incidentally.

Loki17 Sat 12-Mar-16 09:35:55

There is no right answer. Take your time and be kind to yourself. I'm sorry for your losses x

Lucinda15 Mon 14-Mar-16 06:38:07

Thank you all for your comments and kind words. I have decided to sign myself off for a week. Should return to work tomorrow. I thought the miscarriage had finished but I've continued to bleed quite heavily over the wknd and feel washed out so am grateful for a day at home today. Emotionally I'm still up and down. I've kept myself occupied and spent time with family this wknd. But i have this feeling I'm just coasting - and just feel so heavy in my heart. Underneath it all I just feel so sad. I know it just needs time but I'm so disappointed that we are having to do this all over again. I had just about got over the last two and here I am again - feels like some awful Groundhog Day.

Anyway. Thanks again x

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