I am supposed to be 9 weeks 3 days pregnant (according to LMP; 8 weeks 3 days according to when I think I ovulated and my usual cycle length). I have two children and had a MC at 5 weeks before I had them.
I had sore boobs and back ache this pregnancy, but I didn't ever have sickness or nausea (I had a LOT of sickness and nausea with my two healthy pregnancies). And then last Thursday there was blood on the tissue when I wiped. I went to the GP who booked me in for a scan on Monday, but I didn't want to wait that long so booked a private scan on Friday and it revealed a missed miscarriage. I have been lightly bleeding ever since.
On Monday I went to my NHS scan with my report and photographs from the private scan. I was rescanned and it revealed no change. But then I was told that the NHS needs two scans and won't accept private scans as evidence. I have a scan next Wednesday (so almost two weeks after the first scan) and have been told if I want an ERPC (I do) I should be able to have it the next day. The nurse said there is not even a one in a million chance that this pregnancy is viable, and she wishes she didn't have to make me wait for purely bureaucratic reasons, but there's no way around it. She even went off and asked a senior nurse if they would take my private scan evidence, but she refused.
I am fed up. I wanted to try for a third baby a year ago, but my coil was stuck and had perforated my uterus. It took six months and a complaint to PALS to get it taken out. Then three months trying to conceive, and now I'm two months in and stuck in a similar but worse situation - I want this baby out, it isn't alive and may never have been alive, and I have to wait until somebody somewhere can tick a box. In both cases the medical staff have said 'I'm so sorry it has to be this way - we're currently fighting this policy as it is so heartless to women in your situation, but there's nothing we can do'.
I am sick of being told this. I am sick of being asked to carry things around inside me that I don't want there. I don't want to wait another week for my ERPC. I am sick of going to the loo and checking for blood. I am sick of waking up wondering if today will be the day it happens naturally. I am sick of being off work and letting everybody down. I am sick of not being able to move onwards with my life.
I am posting this here because I don't want to be a massive drama queen in real life and feel like posting anonymously will at least let me get my worst thoughts off my chest.
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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss
Waiting two weeks for ERPC - feeling angry and upset
37 replies
swancourt · 10/03/2016 14:05
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