Late night tears and trying again

[Penguinpattering]

I had my 1st miscarriage at approximately 6 weeks yesterday, confirmed by the out of hours Dr service. To say I'm devastated is an understatement, I never thought it would happen to me.. only yesterday DH and I were starting to get excited for our 1st very wanted pregnancy now it's all over. I had to tell work as I work in a hospital so the phone call in about 2 hours is going to be v hard.

I'm desperate to TTC ASAP however I'm scared and angry with my body the anxiety I'm going to feel next time... DH wants to wait as he says he can't see me being ready for a long time. He has been wonderful but has admitted he is finding it harder to process and find his feelings. Please can anyone offer a bit of handholding.. this is really hard.

[Bonywasawarriorwayayix]

Hi Penguin. It is hard. And I'm so sorry for your loss.
I was desperate to ttc again after my MC. It's like any loss I think- you're desperate to fill the massive hole the loss has created.
Miscarriage is horrid and so unfair. Do you feel you have plenty of time to conceive? If so, it might be worth taking some time out to process your grief about losing your baby. I can only speak from my experience but I took a break (went back on the pill) and it helped. A friend got pregnant 4 weeks after her MC and felt in retrospect that it was a bit soon. Then again, lots of people start again straight away and are happy with it.
[Hugs]

[Penguinpattering]

Thank you Bony I think you are so right.. even though it was relatively early it still feels so awful and I feel a bit of a fraud having this much pain bit to me it felt like so real. I just want to feel pregnant again and take away this hurt.. but the last thing I want is to jeopardise any future pregnancies.

[Astrophil]

Hi Penguin, I just want to say I had a six week miscarriage just over a week ago and I'm desperate to get pregnant again. I just can't believe how hard it's hit, and I can't imagine feeling okay again until I carry another baby to term. My DH wants to wait a few months to give me time to recover a bit emotionally, but I really feel like that recovery isn't possible without being pregnant again and not miscarrying.

I recognise I'm probably being a bit irrational about it, but I do want to start ttc again immediately. I hope you're getting the support you need - it's such a difficult thing to cope with.

[Penguinpattering]

Hi Astrophil,

I feel a bit of fraud as I know so many people have lost babies a lot later, but I just feel absolutely shattered emotionally, all I want to do is be pregnant again and carry our baby safely.

My DH is exactly the same as yours; my friend described it as him being pragmatic and scared for me vs my emotional/natural response. It's really hard as I'm trying to be rational but I am desperate to ttc straight away, however I know I need to have both of us on board.

I'm thinking of going back to work on Thursday (I would have had 3 days off not including the weekend when it happened) I just need something else to focus at the moment.

Sending best wishes to yourself as well I really hope you are getting support too, thank you for your kind words.

[Astrophil]

I know what you mean about feeling like a fraud. After reading the miscarriage threads for the last week I do feel like I've had it very easy compared to lots of other people, with having later MCs or multiple MCs in a row... But just because this is your first MC, and just because it was 'only' six weeks doesn't mean it wasn't devastating to you. You are absolutely entitled to grieve your loss, whether others have experienced worse or more frequent losses or not.

My boss was very compassionate and told me to take as long as I needed. I ended up taking a full week after miscarrying on a Saturday. I wouldn't have said on Monday that I would need so much time off, but I've been really surprised at each stage to see how much and how profoundly this has affected me. I was a gibbering wreck last week, and this week I'm still bursting into unexpected tears several times a day.

As for DH and ttc, I've tried to appeal to his logical side by saying that we wanted to be pregnant before this, and it doesn't change that fact. Plus there's no medical reason to wait. Plus the emotional argument that I think I'll only really start recovering once I'm pregnant again... We'll see how that goes. He maintains that a lot of what I'm feeling, this desperation, will be hormone based, and he's probably right.

Give yourself all the time you need; I hope brighter days come along for you soon x

[Bunny19]

Hi ladies, I just wanted to say I am exactly the same. I had a miscarriage on 6th Feb, found out on my 12 week scan 3 days earlier that I had lost the baby at 6 weeks and then miscarried naturally. I am desperate to be pregnant again. My DH is the same as yours and wanted to wait to let me recover. It'll be 3 weeks on Saturday since my miscarriage, I just want my period to come so I know where I'm at! I'm sorry for your losses it really is an awful thing to go through at any stage xx