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Nowhere To Turn

(10 Posts)
LouisaJF Sun 21-Feb-16 23:32:02

Five years ago I suffered a miscarriage and dealt with it very badly. I am incredibly lucky as I have gone on to have two incredibly beautiful and perfect boys for which I am eternally grateful. The problem is that I can stop thinking about my lost little one. I think about him more than anyone knows but this last couple of months it seems to have switched up a gear and I can get him out of my mind. I cry the second I think about him and my heart just breaks all over again.

DH dealt with it really well but he developed a degree of frustration when I couldn't move on. I became slightly irrational in my grief and he just couldn't understand it, which made me hide it from that point onwards. I don't want him to sound like a monster, he is a wonderful DH in so many ways but for him emotions are very straight forward and he can't understand it when people don't deal with things. I don't want to tell him how I'm feeling now because I think in the long run it will stress me out even more trying to get him to understand.
I have very few friends and my closest ones are all going through some horrible situations at the moment and don't need burdening with this. I don't have any contact with my family.

I guess I just feel lost. I don't know why I'm posting, I just don't know how to get a grip. I never want to forget him but I can carry on feeling like this. I know I should just be grateful for the two angels I have, so many people aren't so lucky, but I just can't let him go. I don't know what to do or where to turn, I just want to stop crying.

Wolfiefan Sun 21-Feb-16 23:33:51

Oh bless you. You don't make him sound like a monster at all but you clearly need help. Have you tried the miscarriage association? X

LouisaJF Sun 21-Feb-16 23:49:41

I think I spoke to them once when it first happened. I'm not good at explaining my feelings so I didn't really know what to say. I'd feel a bit daft ringing them five years on.

Wolfiefan Sun 21-Feb-16 23:54:37

Why should you feel daft? You have suffered a loss and everyone grieves differently.

LouisaJF Mon 22-Feb-16 08:38:04

I don't know. It just seems silly to try and get help five years after the event. I should have gotten over it by now.

RoTo72 Mon 22-Feb-16 19:03:42

Hi. I'm only 3 months after my miscarriage, nut I don't think il ever "get over" it. It is a loss and a traumatic one at that. UV every right to feel how u do and ur not being silly at all. I'm going yo bereavement counselling and I'm finding that helpful.

Moving15 Mon 22-Feb-16 19:13:25

I am 2.5 year post miscarriage and remember everyday and regularly get tearful. I'm not a very emotional person and I have been very surprised how much the whole experience affected me. I still can't really talk about it all. Grieving is a long process, I think I just have to let myself go through it at my pace. I wear a special necklace so I feel like the baby is with me still. Sometimes I wonder if I should take it off so I don't keep playing over things in my mind. It helps me to know that other women also never forget their babies. A friend who miscarried 20 years ago said she still felt much the same.

lonelystarbuckslover Mon 22-Feb-16 21:11:44

I'm a year on and also can't forget it. It is a very traumatic thing to go through in so many ways. I don't think I will ever get over it, as long as I live. I have no DC.

Lots of love to you and sorry for everyone's losses x

Astrophil Tue 23-Feb-16 14:51:31

I'm sorry for your loss. Please don't feel silly asking for help. Everyone is different and everyone grieves in their own way at their own pace. I miscarried just last weekend, and I don't see how I'll ever get over it. It's such a sad and traumatic event, and the advice I keep reading here is to not feel guilty for whatever you're feeling. I would add to that don't feel guilty for however long you feel it, either.

MamaLazarou Tue 23-Feb-16 17:27:31

You poor love. Talk about it on here as much as it helps. Don't feel silly for not being over it yet. It's a very hard thing to deal with.

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