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IVF miscarriage 3 weeks ago and Best friend pregnant!

(8 Posts)
hmatt123 Sun 21-Feb-16 10:53:36

I have recently been through a miscarriage (we found out on 7th Jan from scan at 9 weeks) The miscarriage wasn't easy - went medical route which took a week to work and still bleeding now. My two best friends have been an amazing support through this, there for me every step of the way. This week one of my best friends announced she was pregnant - she hadn't told me she was trying (she probably thought she was sparing my feelings) my emotions are all over the place. Has anyone else been through this?

AnotherTimeMaybe Sun 21-Feb-16 10:58:58

Oh so sorry flowers
Yes I was pregnant same time as my girlfriend but I miscarried and she went on to have a beautiful baby. It was tough I won't lie especially as I was struggling for two more years and had another miscarriage
But ended up being lucky at the end and I'm sure you will too
Good luck, it will all turn out ok just be patient and don't give up x

Mummamayhem Sun 21-Feb-16 11:01:23

It might feel very painful but your friend hasn't done anything wrong, she has been an amazing support to you and imo you should be to her, there is no guarantee with any pregnancy/birth that it will be without complication and she will need you too and I'm sure want you to be involved. I'm sorry for your loss.

Pacothepidgeon Sun 21-Feb-16 11:01:53

I feel your pain. My SIL is due the same week I'm due. I've no idea how I'm going to cope with it flowers

AnotherTimeMaybe Sun 21-Feb-16 11:07:42

she has been an amazing support to you and imo you should be to her
I think tbf it's one thing to not be resentful and another to actually be there and be supportive
Unless you've gone through this you wouldn't know how tough it is
I actually thought I'd take my own life at some point when all I could see was in laws going crazy over my friend's baby (she's also my SIL) and me being infertile at the same time
One has to do whatever they can do to cope with this as long as obviously they don't hurt anyone but she doesn't have to show support to anyone but herself!

hmatt123 Sun 21-Feb-16 12:44:52

Thanks -
I am so happy for her (after all it's not long since I've had those same intense feelings of happiness) I'm just not sure how I'm going to cope with her blossoming pregnancy without sadness!! We are going again and know that I need to get myself back into the right head space before doing this.

Lou1791 Sun 21-Feb-16 19:42:38

So sorry, it's really tough. I miscarried a just over month ago and have a very close friend and colleague whom I consider a friend who are both pregnant. My colleague and I would have been due at the same time and I was looking forward to sharing that experience with her. It is sad, you're allowed to feel like that. I've been really quite open with both of them but luckily I haven't felt any resentment towards them. I'm trying to show them that I still want to hear their baby news and am thrilled for them. Equally though, I think it's ok if there are times when you need to distance yourself from some of that! They'll understand. flowers

obsessed1 Sun 21-Feb-16 21:40:42

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's a horrible situation to be in, when you're happy for your friend, but it's such a painful reminder of what you've lost and want so badly. I had terrible dreams following my miscarriage, of my two closest friends at work (who as far as I know aren't pregnant) happily announcing their pregnancies. Those dreams literally made me wake up in a cold sweat. Both of the girls were so lovely and supportive of me when I had my miscarriage, honestly, they couldn't have been more kind and understanding. So I felt deeply ashamed that just the thought of them being pregnant could provoke such a negative reaction. I honestly felt like I wouldn't be able to face them if that really happened, as I really didn't think I could be happy for them. So I can understand how hard this must be for you. Have you talked to her about how you feel? I'm sure she will be feeling awkward about it too, so it might help to have an honest chat about how you're happy for her, but struggling because of your own loss? Big hugs to you Xxx

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