need to post tonight simply because I'm so upset and have tried to talk to my DH but he is not listening / doesn't know what to say. Background is that I had recurrent miscarriages (3) and it wasn't always easy for me to conceive until I finally was lucky enough to have DS. All the losses were traumatic in different ways and although I generally have learned to accept the grief I am struggling a bit tonight.
A lot of my friends have moved on to their 2nd babies and a very close friend has just had her second boy. And this is bringing up a lot of grief for me about why I had to endure so many losses and other people just successful conceive / have babies without having any issues. I am too old now to have any more children and I feel v guilty that DS will be an only child. It hurts that if I hadn't lost so many previous babies I would've had time to have had more than one potentially. And then I start thinking of the babies I lost (one was a later miscarriage) that always upsets me - even now.
It's approaching the anniversary of the date I discovered that my first baby didn't have a heartbeat but because of possible issues re dates had to wait 2 weeks for second scan to confirm (I ended up miscarrying the day before the second scan). And today a friend was telling me about her first scan (first baby) and it brought back so many memories of my 3rd miscarriage that I've been struggling a bit to deal.
So tonight I am very sad. And thinking about my lost babies and unable to talk to my husband who has a stock line that we should be lucky that we have DS (and I am v v grateful) BUT it doesn't help me stop missing my other babies, or their lost potential, or stop feeling jealous or feeling angry that we've had so much grief and trauma in our lives.
Anyway thanks for listening - it helps to vent
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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss
Still grieving ... years on
5 replies
TigerLily666 · 12/02/2016 22:08
OP posts:
IAmPissedOffWithAHeadmaster ·
14/02/2016 10:11
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