Am I being too sensitive? MC at 6 weeks and comments from family(12 Posts)
I mc 2 days ago at around 5/6 weeks.
Started cramping and bleeding lightly at work during the afternoon. By 8pm I was in A&E with severe bleeding clots and pain. I was given morphine which didn't make any difference.
The next day (yesterday) I had a scan which confirmed the loss. When I went to the toilet to empty my bladder before internal scan I noticed a large blob on tissue, which I now think was the sac. But I just flushed it down the toilet in shock. I feel so sad about that now.
DH has been lovely, my DPs however have said some things I've found very upsetting. "Chalk this up to experience" "try to think that you're lucky, you've already got one child", "others are much worse off than you" to name a few.
Is this honestly supposed to make me feel better? Its been 2 days for God's sake. Its raw and fresh and so terribly terribly sad. I'm bleeding so much and in so much pain. They know this.
Would I be unreasonable to avoid contact for a few days until I feel stronger to cope with this insensitivity? Or am I being too sensitive?
Everything feels so confusing.
Your not being over sensitive. I suffered a loss at the same gestation as you. We were about to start ivf when I fell and then lost this baby.
People think they are being helpful, trying to see the positive, but it's too soon, too painful for you to "see the positives"
Sending you gentle hugs
Stay away from them until you feel stringer and if they start contacting you, tell them why. Explain that you need some space for a while because you don't want to fall out with them. I'm so sorry for your lose.
They're being insensitive nobheads. You're absolutely allowed to grieve and feel rotten about your loss. We all start to hope and make little plans for our family. It's cruel when that's taken away.
Avoid them until you're feeling stronger. Be kind to yourself
So sorry OP. They are being very, very insensitive. Please take no notice. They are wrong. It is a massive loss and you are suffering so much physically and all the hormones. I had an anembroyonic pregnancy. The world literally went grey, it really did. I grieved so, so much. The world felt like it had turned through 90 degrees. Everything was wrong. It was over 16 years ago and I won't ever forget how it felt. I got insensitive remarks too. The only thing anyone should say is how sorry they are.
Please avoid your DPs for a good while if you can. Avoid anyone who will upset you further. Look after yourself, sending love and hugs. I know only over the internet, but sincerely sent xx
Thank you everyone for your kind words.
I know I have probably been quite snappy in response to some of the comments and now I feel guilty. I know I've upset my DM this morning but I just couldn't cope with being told to be grateful I'd already got one child.
Very sorry to hear of your losses muskateer and Emily.
They mean well and although very hurtful to you I doubt it's intended that way
They most likely thought it might make you feel better. Don't be angry at them they just don't understand.
Sorry for your loss.
for you grey.
I had two miscarriages last year at around 5/6 weeks. I had many similar comments (I also have a DS), along the lines of 'at least you can conceive', 'it's so common','you can always try again etc.
Really unhelpful, but I think people were trying to help, they just didn't know what to say.
Try to rest, take some time, don't put pressure on yourself to get over it quickly. Xx
I am currently suffering my 4th miscarriage and I have the same problem as you both of my sister-in-laws are pregnant and everytime I'm around mother and father-in-law all they talk about is how excited they are about the new babies coming, when I go in there house the place is covered in scan photos of these perfect babies. It's horrible how envious we can be but it does take time to heal and all I do is avoid them all the time, I'm sure they have noticed but I couldn't care less makes me feel better. We are grateful we have one healthy child that doesn't stop us wanting more, sending healing hugs to you hun
Sadly I too had to endure many such comments at the times of my recurrent miscarriages. The one that hurt me the most was after my 3rd later miscarriage when I'd confided in a close friend the results of the tests of the foetus (which was traumatic at all levels) which had shown a rare genetic condition and the response I got was 'perhaps it was a blessing you miscarried then'. I understand the logic that maybe I was saved from having the make the choice to end the pregnancy or not, but that was my DC my friend was talking about, a much wanted and much loved baby, that we lost and meant the earth to us. People don't think I'm afraid or really don't know what to say
So sorry greyparting and anyone else on the thread who has experienced/is experiencing pregnancy loss, it is the most heart breaking experience and I think unless you've actually been through it yourself it's difficult to truly understand, often people don't know what to say.
Even an early miscarriage is devastating, from the moment you have your BFP the love starts .
It doesn't make any difference how many children you have already, you would have loved this one just as much!
Of course you are entitled to grieve.
The Miscarriage Association website has downloadable leaflets which I found useful, there's one for friends/family on what to say and more importantly what not to say (I think my MIL covered practically everything on that list!)
I think it's self preservation to avoid people/situations that make you feel worse, look after yourself x
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