Early scan at 9+3... measuring 6+2. Advice please!!

(4 Posts)
pa55methecake Wed 03-Feb-16 11:02:38

As it says really. I went for a scan this morning due to a small amount of bleeding at the weekend and some pains at a different time. No heartbeat was found and they said it measured at only 6+2. I now have the heartache of waiting a full week to be rescanned to check my dates aren't wrong but I'm pretty certain that's clutching at straws but understand why they do this. My last LMP was 29th Nov and the last time we had sex was 24th Dec so really cannot see that it is anywhere near viable. Plus I tested on 3rd Jan and it was a very quick, strong positive.

I feel okay in myself, no pains or more bleeding but clearly cannot face work (I work with kids) and the fact I may start to bleed etc soon. This is going to be an awful week of waiting and I just wondered what other women have done regarding work. Did you take time off work until everything was resolved? Or did you take a few days and go back. My heart says take off work until everything us resolved which I'm aware could possibly be 2 weeks as I would need to wait for a procedure too and recover from that. I don't have a particularly busy, crazy job but there are some things coming up in next few weeks that if I miss will have a knock on effect on how our service runs and will likely mean I'd be quite stressed when I do go back. Saying that, I won't feel guilty about needing to be off.

I am totally devastated and feeling at a total loss at the moment. I have a supportive husband but he is very 'Yorkshire' in his dealing with things and so is not showing any emotion within moments of us finding out was already making comments like 'don't cry' and 'we'll get pregnant again' which I really do not want to hear right now, I just need to cry and grieve. If anyone can give me any advice or kind words I'd be extremely grateful.

Thank you

smellsofelderberries Wed 03-Feb-16 14:06:23

I'm so so sorry you're going through this. I went through similar over Christmas, it's such a horrible time. The time I took off in total was 2 weeks before Christmas as sick, 2 weeks over Christmas which was planned holiday and another 1.5 weeks in early Jan as I ended up having an ERPC. I also work with children (I'm a nanny) so 1) couldn't really face being around children at that point and 2) I was really fragile so I though it was better for my bosses if I just booked the time as sick so they knew exactly where they were instead of me having to leave early or calling in sick every other day.

My DH said similar things and I would get so cross at him for it. I didn't want to have to try again as we both found trying really stressful, I didn't want a different baby, I wanted that baby! My DH found it very helpful if I told him what I needed him to say. Guide your DH with what you need to hear- it will help you both.

The waiting is agonising, but I just parked myself on the sofa and watched lots of Grey's Anatomy under a blanket with lots of delicious treats and as much good coffee as I could manage (I'd given up when pregnant and I LOVE coffee). I talked to the baby a lot too, tried to enjoy being pregnant even though I knew it wasn't going to last, took time to tell baby how much I loved it and how much I had wished for it. I never gave birth to it but I will always think of it as my first child.

SharyBobbins Wed 03-Feb-16 16:03:44

I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this too. My timeline is similar- twins measuring 6 weeks at a 9 week scan. My first scan was private so I had to wait another 4 days to be seen at the EPU. Like you I was told we would have to wait another week after this scan to see if there was any change but as I was 100% sure of my dates I knew there wouldn't be. I had a medical miscarriage on Friday two days after the second EPU scan which confirmed no change.

Are you able to tell your boss what is happening? My boss knew I was pregnant (had time off for a booking appointment the day before the private scan) so I emailed him after this explaining what had happened and that I wouldn't be in until after I'd been to the EPU for the first scan. I returned to work between the two EPU scans for the distraction and because I was quite confident I wouldn't bleed (I'd had a missed miscarriage so no pain or bleeding). The sonographer said I was showing no 'signs' of being near a natural miscarriage at this point. I was then off for the day of the second EPU scan and the day of the medical miscarriage. I was given a sick note at this appointment which I'm currently using but I think I'm going to go back in tomorrow and I'm feeling ready.

There really is no right or wrong answer with regards to how much time you want to take. I bled heavily the day of my medical miscarriage but haven't since so whilst I was physically fit for work I still used the sick note as I wasn't emotionally ready to face the world (I'm still not but I'm as ready as I'll ever be if that makes sense?!). One thing I will say though is that being 'in and out' has made me the subject of gossip in the work place whereas if I'd been off for two weeks straight I don't think there would have been as much speculation. Luckily for me my boss has been amazing and has kept everything private for me. However I know there has been a lot of "do you think Shary is off because she's pregnant" talk which is infuriating!!

Please do take the time you need to cry and grieve. Other than your husband is there anyone else supporting you?

pa55methecake Wed 03-Feb-16 17:30:57

Thank you both and I'm so sorry you have gone through the same.
Elderberries, I too have continued talking to my baby and telling it how much we wanted it and love it. I was pregnant during our honeymoon and was due in our anniversary so I'm struggling with that at the moment as it just seemed perfect and I kept thinking what lovely timing it was. Good idea about guiding dh what to say, though he us prone to taking things the wrong way and right now my emotions aren't helping me to explain well. I keep asking him how he's doing though as it must be hard knowing someone you love is physically dealing with this and you can't help. I've definitely missed the coffee too so that's a good idea, might do some baking too as a bit if a distraction, just hope I don't eat all the cake !

Shary I have two jobs and both bosses know and have been supportive. I work in an all female office so I know there will be speculation but sadly there are a number of ladies that have had very tough losses so I know they would understand. I'm keen that no one else knows at work unless I chose to tell a close few if it feels necessary. I have told my mum today and that helped to talk to someone who understood and dh is going to tell his parents and brother. My SIL had a miscarriage a few years ago so I think it will be good to talk to her about it while I'm off as I'm sure she won't mind. The sonographer did not say anything about whether it's likely to happen naturally bug I'm guessing if it stopped growing 3 weeks ago, it's unlikely now. Physically I could work but I think I'd struggle emotionally. I hope you have a good first day back to work tomorrow! flowers

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