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Can you help with me with what to tell work about my miscarriage?

(10 Posts)
20152016AZZA Sun 31-Jan-16 16:29:18

Hello everyone
I'm looking for some help. I miscarried at 7 weeks. It was fairly traumatic (I know I'm not the only one who will say this). The EPU sent me home and said I couldn't have a D&C until the 10th of February. But on Thursday last week I was in so much pain I was admitted as an emergency through the night and got the operation on Friday. I'm relieved it's over but I'm sore and very up and down emotionally.
I'm not going into work next week. But I'm not sure how to handle it. I don't really want to tell my boss as she'll no doubt want to ask me about it when I do go back - and I'd rather keep my private life separate. But if I need longer than 5 days to get back to normal...I'm not sure how to deal with it.
Can I ask for your advice and stories? What did you do?
Thank you.

Twitterqueen Sun 31-Jan-16 16:32:57

I understand why you don't want to tell the truth but I do think that honesty is the best policy here because anyone with an iota of sensitivity will not question you or comment at all. [speaking from experience]

Whereas if you say something vague it tends to make people curious so they ask questions.

Or "I had to have emergency surgery that has left me a bit shaken up."?


Akire Sun 31-Jan-16 16:37:00

Sorry about your lose, can you say I had to have emergency gynelocical surgery over the weekend. 100% true most people are not going to ask any more questions. If you need more time after and get a doctors note they can refer to it as procedure without mentioning exactly what just your physically not up to returning to work yet- again 100% true.

20152016AZZA Sun 31-Jan-16 16:56:15

Hi Akire
Thank you for your reply. It's such a personal time, I have no problem telling friends what's happened but I'd like to keep it out of my work life. I could definitely say that and will take your advice. Thanks.

DesertOrDessert Sun 31-Jan-16 17:35:20

Sorry for your loss.
My sick note after an ectopic pregnancy just said "abdominal surgery" so that could be another option, or just "recovery from unplanned hospital admission". Then gyne when probed further. flowers

20152016AZZA Sun 31-Jan-16 18:42:19

Hi DesertorDessert
Thanks for getting back to me. That's another option, it would say just enough for them to accept why I'm not in work while keeping the details private. Thank you.

Pigeonpost Sun 31-Jan-16 19:59:35

Oh poor you. thanksEmergency gynae surgery covers it just fine. Not lying and not giving away too much. Although in my repeated experience of exactly this it can help for your employer to know what has happened in the event of any little emotional meltdowns at work. I say from experience... confused

20152016AZZA Mon 01-Feb-16 09:18:55

Hi Pigeonpost. Thanks for your advice. I've emailed this morning to say that I had emergency surgery and that I'll be staying at home to rest this week. I feel physically much better today so the time off will really help me to sort out my head.
I'm sorry that you've experienced miscarriage more than once. The fear of that is definitely on my mind at the moment. But one day at a time...

20152016AZZA Mon 01-Feb-16 09:21:34

Hi Twitterqueen
Sorry, I missed your reply to me yesterday. Thanks for getting back to me. I know deep down that you're probably right and that honesty is always the best policy. At one point I was fine to tell my boss confidentially. I get on with her, but as I started to come to terms with everything I just thought that I'd rather she didn't know. We're not really 'friends' and it felt odd divulging something so personal. But, if it turns out that I need more time I may end up having to tell her. I really appreciate your reply, thank you.

dangerrabbit Mon 01-Feb-16 09:24:49

Sorry for your loss flowers

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