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Third miscarriage

(16 Posts)
wyni Sun 24-Jan-16 19:27:18


I haven't written on here before and I'm sorry if this is a repeat of a similar post. I'm just feeling so desperately sad and need to connect somehow to others. Today I started losing blood and having familiar cramps, this will be my third miscarriage in a row.

I have two gorgeous children and feel so guilty for feeling our family is incomplete, but since the first mc which happened at 10 weeks last August, it has felt like there is an empty space in our family and I so badly want to fill it, for all of us. I really don't want to seem ungrateful as I have been dealt a wonderful hand in life, but these losses have brought such feelings of bleakness and despair and I don't know where to go with them - the feelings of hopelessness are unbearable and so unfamiliar to me!

DH and I were quite open about the first mc which is positive in terms of support but now it feels like friends and family are waiting for more happy news, so seeing anyone is just painful. I would quite like to hide abroad for at least a year actually, avoiding all fun and social activities. But life just carries on doesn't it, and we smile and say 'fine thanks' to most people who ask.

With every mc my dh becomes less keen on the idea of trying again, so I am trying to be light hearted about it in front of him, (probably why I am writing on here), as he's worried that it's too upsetting for both of us to go through many more times. But the only thing keeping me from that darkest of dark places is hope for the future. I would love it if anyone was willing to share stories of hope as that is all I can focus on, this moment is just too sad.

OP’s posts: |
Lou1791 Mon 25-Jan-16 21:01:30

I didn't want to read and not reply. I am so sorry for what you are going through, it is completely devastating. I have just had a miscarriage (my first pregnancy) and I can't imagine going through it more than once!

Lou1791 Mon 25-Jan-16 21:05:23

Sorry - pressed post too early.

I hope that you are being looked after, you sound certain that it is a miscarriage but is it worth seeing a doctor?

I'm afraid I can't over a story of hope because I haven't even begun to think about trying again yet. But, there is always hope and I can completely understand your desire for another child - don't feel guilty. Thinking of you.

Celen Mon 25-Jan-16 21:12:34

Hi wyni so sorry for your loss flowers

I've had an MC and an mmc so can understand a little on how you're feeling. On a practical level, when you feel up to it, please go to your GP. There are tests that can be done to see why you are unable to stay pregnant and gps are more likely to put you forward for testing after 3 mcs as it's a more unusual set of circumstances. Indeed, I've only had two and my GP today has just recommended a series of tests for me to get the ball rolling. I know it's hard but try not to give up just yet. And big hugs, it's such a shitty time flowers

Iggi999 Mon 25-Jan-16 21:37:46

Definitely have some tests done, maybe read a book like Avoiding Miscarriage by Susan Rousselt (it's not suggesting you're responsible by the way, it goes through different things that can lead to loss - for me it was an autoimmune issue).
I had 4 mcs after my first child, then finally a successful pregnancy. There is hope, but it's a hard road. I think you will just "know" when you're done.

squizita Tue 26-Jan-16 22:49:21

I would recommend "miscarriage" by Leslie regan and "Coming to term" by Jon Cohen. Both very compassionate but highly scientific.

Unless you live a high risk lifestyle there is pretty much nothing you can do to cause a loss so try not to worry.

I had 3 losses plus a stretch under Charing Cross for a partial molar. After tests, I was found to have APS. I had to inject Clexane daily when pregnant - my daughter was a healthy full term baby. smile Over 70% of cases like ours end with a live baby! So do not give up hope.

Blueskies80 Wed 27-Jan-16 10:46:13

Hi op
Sorry for your losses.
I am in a similar place, although have had two, at 11 weeks and at 7 weeks.
I have two wonderful children, after years of infertility. I also know that I won't feel like I have finished until we have no 3.
It's so tough as people (including family members) can not understand why we went another child. I am from a big family so it is natural to me but on my husbands side they say things that shows they think we should or we are stopping at 2.
We are leaving it a while to recover. Time is ticking but I can live with it for now.
For you three losses in less than six months is a lot to deal with, maybe put it on the back burner and recover for a while and then try again?
Wishing you lots of luck xxx

Celen Wed 27-Jan-16 11:41:45

Thank you squizita for posting those two resources, I'll definitely be buying those smile

mrsdiddlydoo Wed 27-Jan-16 16:22:13

wyni you should be referred for tests at your local recurrent mc unit now which might not necessarily find an answer for the losses, but might, and could offer some kind of treatment plan to possibly reduce the likelihood of further mcs. Despite experiencing 3 in a row the chances of a successful outcome in a future pregnancy still outweigh the chances of a mc. There is a rmc thread on here which you might find useful. It's a bit quieter these days because of a fb group but there is a lot of useful info on there. And many members of this thread have gone on to have successful pregnancies and we have quite a few thread babies now.

Iggi999 Wed 27-Jan-16 18:03:55

Celen bear in mind professor Regan doesn't support the treatment for NKC which a number of us on here have found success with, so I don't imagine it's mentioned in her book.

Celen Wed 27-Jan-16 18:12:14

What's NKC Iggi?

squizita Wed 27-Jan-16 19:28:50

ProF Quemby is doing a q and a ... She's up on natural killer cells.
Though worth noting APS is accepted to be far more common so Regan's book covers that mainly.

frowner Mon 01-Feb-16 09:33:11

When is the q and a please? Thanks

Iggi999 Mon 01-Feb-16 11:17:05

Frowner, it's already happened, but you should be able to read the thread if you search with her name and live webchat.

frowner Tue 02-Feb-16 13:54:32

Thank you Iggi999, that's a shame I will have a read through. Sorry for hijacking your thread wyni and I'm sorry I'm unable to share a story of hope, but I just wanted to say that I can relate to your feelings. I too have two beautiful children but had two miscarriages last year, I'm feeling desperately sad and just know we have enough love and space in our family for another child. I'd quite like to hide away too. Thinking of you.

firsttimer08 Thu 04-Feb-16 03:20:02

Another success story. Had 3 McS. After 2 years, plenty of steroids and clexane, I have given birth to a baby boy - 3 weeks ago! Don't lose hope.

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