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Family members baby born, feeling very low

(8 Posts)
Hopefullywaiting Sun 24-Jan-16 18:26:39

I feel horrible writing that title. I am very happy for them. I also feel so so sad alot worse than I expected to. I'm really hurting today. The baby is my sister In laws (partners sister) and earlier than expected. My babys 2nd due date was last week. I also found out a friend is pregnant and found out the same day. I had and have been finding it hard. I feel disappointed that coming up to two years since the miscarriage my heart still aches so much when hearing of other people's pregnancys sad

The baby Is the first baby girl in a long time. They were all very excited at just the prospect of us having a baby girl ( we knew it would be). I am trying very hard not to think of all the what ifs but seeing all the same flurry of excitement that we received I am failing today.
I can't even speak to partner as it's his sister. She has been through multiple miscarriages so I feel mean even expressing my sadness. I don't feel like I can speak to any one in real life right now. I feel very lost and alone and pretty selfish sad

ajandjjmum Sun 24-Jan-16 18:40:01

Your feelings are totally understandable. flowers

Hopefullywaiting Sun 24-Jan-16 18:59:42

Hi ajandjjmum
Thank you for your reply xx I feel I sound unreasonable. I of all people know what she's been through. And in a way I could never imagine it, I have had one loss she has made it in to double figures. I feel I need to modify my feelings because it's such a miracle the baby is here. I have tried to focus on that and have done pretty well recently, picked out some lovely things (planned to order them once she was safely here). Then last week (same day I find out about friends pregnancy) I get a text from Mil expressing her excitement of babys impending birth (counting down the days) and her next grandchild. It seems all the joy and excitement we were bringing to them is long forgotten.

BeaufortBelle Sun 24-Jan-16 19:09:46

Yep, it sucks. 20 odd years ago I felt the same. Friends phoned me to tell me good news and I sat saying how thrilled I was with tears running down my cheeks.

Awful and hard. You just have to grin and bear it and eventually it stops hurting quite so much.


Give it time and hopefully in a year or two they'll be excited for you >>>hug<<<

Loki17 Sun 24-Jan-16 19:30:02

Your feelings are completely understandable but you are right. You need to try and be happy for them. I know what you are going through; I miscarried a couple of weeks ago and have two family members with impending babies due. As you've said, they've been through the mill trying to get their baby and it is a blessing for them. Your mil was always going to be excited, especially as she has watched her daughter go through multiple losses. It doesn't mean your baby is forgotten. I hope you are okay and I'm sending an unmumsnetty hug. Are you ttc now?

Hopefullywaiting Sun 24-Jan-16 21:59:23

Hi BaufortBelle

That you for your reply. I have done that expressed my (sincere) happiness while keeping back the tears. I have never let on to anyone.
I just wish I could go back to how I felt before the miscarriage when happy news wasn't also a conflation of emotions. I can only hope it will be our turn soon.
Thanks again for your reply xx

Hopefullywaiting Sun 24-Jan-16 22:47:34

Hi Loki17

I'm so sorry for your loss flowers I hope you are coping OK Xxxx

Yes they really have been. Part of the reason I was so gutted to miscarry was because I felt I let my sis in laws first born down and deprived them a cousin ( as chances of a sibling was slim to none though I never expressed that). So it's a miracle she's here. There family is now complete.

Its very tough as I feel I need to change how I feel because of there situation. Not that I ever would dream of it but I feel if I was to express my disappointment that things didn't work out to the family, I would be Met with a well that was then this is now kind of attitude. They were all so excited it was kind of overwhelming but in a nice way. I feel I'm the only one who remembers now. ( not because of the text). I just feel I have no right to feel sad in the circumstances. Which makes it very hard to cope with as can't really talk to anyone.

Mother in law is nice we get on. She does however have form for not thinking before she speaks. A family member (male) see the text and said it was a bit in your face. She also spoke to me over Christmas to discuss presents in future and her just buying for the grandchildren as she has enough to think off and said she imagined wed be having our own children in a couple of years sad. Partner even said she doesn't think sometimes.

I am not currently ttc. I had to give up a few months ago after a ttc for a year. I have endo and the pain was becoming unbearable and disrupting my life. I actually thought I was pregnant this month as messed up contraception and have had so many symptoms but just found out I am not.
I had to wait a while intially to ttc due to health and needing an op, before I could ttc. I thought with endo diagnosis it would take at least a year. Was shocked and delighted to find out I was pregnant after a few months. It feels almost like it was a one off pregnancy or a fluke as it just dosnt seem to want to happen again. I am also at risk of losing my home which will result in moving back in with parents so ttc will have to be put on the backburner once again. I feel a family is getting further and further away.
I think the stresses at the moment plus the fact I have a nasty cold and af hormones is probably affecting my mood.

Thank-you again for the kind replys

Hopefullywaiting Sun 24-Jan-16 22:50:55

P.s thank you for the hug Loki17 and hugs to you xxx

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