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My late missed miscarriage - 17 weeks

(20 Posts)
dc100591 Tue 19-Jan-16 17:18:46

Hi everyone.

I had kept an eye on mumset all through my pregnancy for advice and support. This was my first baby so its great to read up on other peoples experiences to know that everything is 'normal' when your bump isn't growing and you haven't felt baby move yet at 20 weeks. Unfortunately for me things weren't normal, and with growing concern I asked to be checked over a week ahead of my 20 week scan.
I had recently bought a home doppler so that I can hear my baby's heartbeat and settle my nerves. When I couldn't find my baby's heartbeat, and the midwife couldn't either, I knew something was terribly wrong.

I was alone at the hospital as I just nipped before work, thinking they would find the heartbeat no problem and I'd just be in and out. The lovely midwife told me not to worry and that a quick scan would be able to find the baby for us, everything would be ok. But after a few long painful minutes of silence during the scan, I was told that there was no heartbeat, and the baby had passed away at around 17 weeks.

I was told that my labour would have to be induced, given 1 tablet that day and then told to come back in 48 hours to continue the process and deliver my little baby.

To be honest, that feeling of anxiety and dread for having to deliver my baby over shadowed my feelings of sadness for the next 48 hours. I just couldn't imagine what it would feel like and what i would have to do. I wasn't ready for that stage yet. However, when it came to that, it was actually a really peaceful experience.

I was in labour for 9 hours. My partner and I were given a special suite at the hospital especially for these sad situations. The midwives were amazing! I have never felt so safe and cared for. The contractions were painful like a really bad period, but I had no bleeding. Out of nowhere at about 9.30pm, when the pains were at their worst, my baby just came in to the world. I didnt even have to push, they just came themself.

I wasn't sure at first if I wanted to see my baby but I'm glad I did. They looked so peaceful and perfectly formed. Not sad or sick at at all. My partner and I got to sit with the baby for a couple of hours while the midwife cleaned up and got everything ready for baby to get taken away to be tested. They said that the baby had some excess fluid particilarly around their tummy which would suggest a virus, but I had felt fine during my pregnancy so we will just have to wait and see what comes back.

We opted for a full postmortem as I am now terrified that this will happen again and want to make sure I can do everything possible to prevent it. They said it will take a minimum of 6 weeks to hear anything back so until then we just have to try and move forward with our lives the best we can.

I don't feel as crushed as I expected, I feel at peace now. I've had a baby. I'm a mother now and nothing can ever change that.

Sorry for the long post but this is the first chance I've had to spill my heart out. My family are still so upset so I don't like to talk about it in front of them. I know many of you have been in a similar situation and I salute you for your strength and courage.

Much love.

D

Duckdeamon Tue 19-Jan-16 17:21:45

I'm so sorry for your loss. flowers Glad you were well looked after at the hospital. Take time off work as you need.

obsessed1 Tue 19-Jan-16 17:36:37

I have just read your message and I'm so grateful that you took the time to post as it feels like you have written it to me personally. First of all, I'm so very sorry for your sad loss. I'm glad you had such a peaceful, comforting experience.

I have to go in to be induced tomorrow. I was 19 weeks pregnant with twins until I had a routine scan yday which revealed that they were no longer alive. We had a scan 2 weeks prior and all was fine. I felt that so,etching wasn't right all weekend as my bump felt a bit loose and deflated, but I thought I was just being neurotic and in my heart expected all to be ok. I couldn't believe it when I saw their limp, lifeless bodies.

I am so frightened of what tomorrow will bring. But I want it over now. Today feels like hell, just waiting. Every now and again I get an awful shock all over again when I catch myself thinking about my little boys as if they are still alive and growing. I think after so long planning for their arrival, talking about them, thinking about them, it's hard to comprehend that this has happened.

Sorry to go on but it was just such a relief to hear your story and to know I'm not the only woman going through this right now cxxxxxx

Loki17 Tue 19-Jan-16 17:50:47

I'm so sorry for your loss flowers

May09Bump Tue 19-Jan-16 17:51:39

You are so brave xx I'm very sorry and I'm glad you have found some peace. Best wishes for the future and I hope the PM gives you some answers - take care and be kind to yourselves.

KittyandTeal Tue 19-Jan-16 18:43:24

You are right, you are a mother now and that will never change. I am so sorry for your loss, loosing a baby is utterly devastating.

Be kind to yourself in the next few weeks and take support where you can. Sands are a great charity and well worth getting in touch with.

One day at a time flowers

OhShutUpThomas Tue 19-Jan-16 18:47:12

I'm so so sorry for your loss, and for you obsessed. You are incredibly brave sharing your experiences here flowers

MrsSiba Tue 19-Jan-16 18:52:42

So sorry to hear your story and that of obsessed, sending hugs to you both. My sister has had 3 miscarriages in the 2nd trimester at 14, 20 and 15 weeks so I have exoerienced how devastating this is. Be kind to yourself. I am so sorry for your loss.

RoTo72 Tue 19-Jan-16 18:55:28

So sorry to read of your loss. Xxx. Obsessed Il be thinking about you tomorrow xx. flowers hugs to you both

FellOutOfBedTwice Tue 19-Jan-16 19:01:31

So sorry D. Sending my love flowers

jaffacake2 Tue 19-Jan-16 19:03:34

Sorry to read of the loss of your baby. I have no words to comfort either you or your partner at this sad time. Your little one was not quite strong enough for this world and will now be at peace. Xxx

scoobyloobyloo Tue 19-Jan-16 19:10:48

Thank you for sharing, this really touched me. I am nearly 16 weeks with twins and twin a is fine but twin b is poorly and will pass away any day now. They are ivf twins following husbands cancer and two previous mc. It gives me strength to know that others have been through this and come out ok, thank you for being brave and sharing with us all. The more people that speak out about things like this, the easier it becomes for others.

Hoping that with time, things become easier for you x

Orange1969 Tue 19-Jan-16 20:43:21

So sorry thanks

KittyandTeal Wed 20-Jan-16 12:04:58

Oh scooby how sad. I'm sorry you are going through this. Is there any hope for twin b or is it inevitable that he/she will die?

I know sands have a great leaflet on loosing a twin. Not that you are there yet or ready to think that far ahead flowers

patienceisvirtuous Wed 20-Jan-16 12:07:50

I am so sorry for the loss of your lovely little one xxxxx

bikingintherain Wed 20-Jan-16 18:34:33

Thank you for sharing your stories ladies. Your children will forever be in your hearts.

I have especially been thinking and praying for you today obssessed, I really hope you get all the support and care you need.

obsessed1 Sat 23-Jan-16 18:02:38

Thank you for your message bikingintherain. We went into hospital on Wednesday and came home today. We never imagined the induction process could take so long, but I suppose my body wasn't ready to let go of our precious babies. The doctors finally increased the medication yesterday morning, and my beautiful boys, Charlie and Archie, arrived into this world at 3.08 the same day. They were small but perfect, with tiny little fingers and toes and looked very much like their daddy. The hospital staff were absolutely amazing, making us feel so cared for. Now this is the hard part, having to move forward without our boys, making new plans when all our thoughts for the future have revolved entirely around their arrival for the past 5 months... I feel so sad that I can't get out of bed, can't get motivated to do anything, but I suppose it's still very early days and my body is still messed up from the drugs, hormones and labour. Xxxxxx

KittyandTeal Sat 23-Jan-16 19:37:07

Be kind to yourself. The next few weeks and months will be really tough.

The best phrase someone told me when we lost dd2 was you never go back to normal but you find a new normal and you never stop hurting but you find a comfortable place in your heart for your pain and grief.

RoTo72 Sat 23-Jan-16 20:44:41

Oh obsessed that's so sad, my heart is breaking for.you. Wish there was something I could say to ease your pain ❤

scoobyloobyloo Sat 23-Jan-16 21:38:43

That's a really good way of putting it Kitty, you will find a new normal. But in the meantime allow yourselves to be sad, whatever kind of sad that is. Mine involves hours in bed watching shit tele and not seeing anyone. I know from experience that over the next few months I will gradually piece my life back together again, just as you guys will. X

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