3 Failed Pregancies and Not Yet a Mother (Age 41)(34 Posts)
I am looking to see if anyone has had or is having a similar experience to me. I am 41 years of age and still not yet a mother but very much trying to be.
Pregnancy No. 1 - Failed: At age 39, I started trying for a baby with my husband in June 2014 on our honeymoon. Only a month later I conceived. By October 2014 (at around 14 weeks) I had to terminate the pregnancy as the baby was diagnosed with straight forward Trisonomy 21 (Down Syndrome) and was extremely sick ie. leaky heart valve and did not look like a bright future for it at all. It was truly a traumatic experience and still today I get upset about that loss as I had many scans on this one and saw my baby's beatiful little fingers, toes and all.
Pregnancy No. 2 - Failed: After some healing time, my husband I tried again in July 2015 (Age 40) and in yet again just one month I was pregnant again! But unfortunatley, the pregnancy failed - at my 7 week scan they detected an empty sac (known as blighted ovum) so at around 9 weeks I went in to have an ERPC.
Pregnancy No. 3 - Failed: In November 2015 at age 41 (after just having one period following the last ERPC), we tried again and yet again, in a month I fell pregnant again. This time at 7 weeks the scan went well and a heartbeat was detected and I was told everything looks normal. And now, just 2 weeks later (9 weeks pg), I am miscarrying. The sonographer scanned me at 9 weeks advising that the baby had only grown by 1mm since the 7 week scan so it passed away pretty much following the scan that I had.
To add to the above, in July 2015, I was diagnosed with an over-active thyroid (mild case and due Graves disease.. likely to have been bought on by stress from loss of baby number 1). When I was diagnosed with the over active thyroid, I had already conceived with my second pregnancy so my second loss (blighted ovum) could have been to do with the thyroid problem. However, since then, I have been under brilliant care by a thyroid specialist who has put me on a medication that is safe for pregnancy called PTU and prior to my 3rd pregnancy, I was given the green light to proceed with conceiving as my thyroid was (and still is) in normal range. I still have to continue taking PTU for at least the next year but my specialist said women on this medication are fine to proceed with pregnancy and will go onto have healthy babies.
Although I see the above as 3 losses, the doctors etc. are telling me it's only two ie. 2 miscarriages and the down-syndrome was a seperate issue / reason. They tell me 2 miscarriages is the norm at my age and if I am conceiving ok (which I am) then to just keep trying. I do feel lucky that I am conceiving so quickly as that seems to be a major issue for many women, and it's very good that I do, but I just can't seem to actually hold a baby for it to make a healthy one. :-(
I am just so worried that I am never going to be able to actually have a baby. Any feedback or similar experiences would be appreciated. Thanks.
It is probably worth adding that my husband is only 10 months older than me (now 42) and already has 2 beautiful children (my step children) from his previous marriage. Therefore, if there is a malfunction somewhere, I would say it points to me rather than my husband. I am at present being referred to a gynecologist to start looking closer into my failed pregnancies which may lead to chromosome testing etc. Obviously I am praying the outcome to be that I am normal and that I am just having really bad luck.
I'm so sorry you've been through all this. It sounds very very hard. I know there are some lovely women on here who have had to have terminations for similar reasons, and hopefully one of those may be along.
I have only had early miscarriages, and found the overwhelming need to be pregnant again very hard.
I'm glad your thyroid is getting sorted. My issue was blood clotting (and underactive hyroid), and I'm now 40 and on my sixth pregnancy, with two children, and hopefully this one is going to go well, thanks to getting treatment. I sort of think chromosome testing is a bit pointless, because what's the treatment? I would be more interested in clotting and immunes. But it is sadly likely that it's just bad luck. It's great that you get pregnant so quickly. In the end, it is a numbers game. You've got to roll the dice again and again, particularly at our age.
Thank you so much for responding and for the good advice.
I like to think it's just bad luck rather than there be something wrong with me. And the dice throw term is exactly what the sonographers said to me at early pregnancy unit. It's just the luck of the dice at my age.
Once this bleed is over, friends are telling me to just get back on the horse and try again as it's my eggs due to my age. Problem is, every loss i have is so hard to deal with... I could wait to see gyneacologist but I could wait a long time as it's Nhs. So maybe I'll just try one last time... besides they do say it's 3 miscarriages in a row that you should worry about rather than 2...
I wish you all the luck in the world with your pregnancy now and so sorry you've had terrible time too. Wishing you well with the continued successful treatment for your thyroid, the doctors are great aren't they.
Warm wishes and thanks again. x
I didn't want to read and run. I've only had one miscarriage and that was traumatic enough, I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through. I don't really have any advice but I really hope you get the support you need and deserve OP.
Sorry to hear this.. I've just had the one miscarriage this was after DS2. He is severely disabled. Then got pregnant again with DD1.
Age is a factor and a disabled child is not the end of the world... It's the start of a new one.
Thank you Mermaidmagic, that's kind of you. I'm so sorry for your loss too... one is still too many bless you. x
Thank you sometimesithinkimbon
Lou- don't loose hope. My auntie had my cousin at 40 after a couple of years ago after 3 miscarriages in her late thirties. She didn't tell anyone till she was 5 months because she was worried in case something went wrong. There were no complications during her pregnancy/labour and he is now a happy healthy 6 year old.
All is not lost yet. My fingers are crossed for you.
Very sorry to hear about your losses. It's really tough I know.
I am 38 and have had 3 miscarriages in the last two years - I have no children yet. Like you, I have conceived pretty quickly, to date anyway.
I've had various tests. Nothing detected except maybe a clotting issue (I am waiting on my results). It could be my dodgy eggs due to age. The advice I have received from two consultants is 'persevere'.
We're ttc again now.
If you read the recurrent miscarriage threads you'll pick up some really good advice. Where are you based?
A lot of us on the thread have visited Coventry implantation clinic and are following their recommended protocol.
We also have a private Facebook group which I'm sure you'd be welcome to join.
You're not alone love x
Hi Mermaidmagic, Thank you for sharing that with me, it does help me. It's all pointing to my age at the moment which also gives me hope that if I carry on i may be lucky one time soon just like your Auntie so hopefully it'll be the lucky egg on the next one!
Thank you so much for reaching out it means a lot. i will keep you posted x
My goodness you also have really had it hard and thank you so much for your message. I will take a look at the recurrent miscarriage threads like you mention. I'm new to Mumsnet so it's great guidance you've given, thank you again.
I have everything crossed for you this time, I may not be far behind you with ttc. Hopefully it'll be 4th time lucky for us both!
It's good to know someone in same boat as me, you're the only one i know who is as all of my friends have a child / children already.
Unfortunately I live in Hertfordshire, so Coventry isn't local to me but saying that I'd be willing to try that clinic if my luck doesn't improve.
As for the FB group what is the name of it? I'm not on FB right now as too many of my friends on these are having babies and it's too roar for me to be looking at all that right now but I'll be back on in it in a few weeks.
Thanks again for sharing your situation too and let's keep positive together x
Spell check = raw not roar lol although I do feel like roaring sometimes!
I had DD at 41. Prior to having her, I'd had a MMC at 40, and a molar pregnancy at 39. I needed surgery for both miscarriages. I was very lucky that I got pregnant easily. I think 1-2 miscarriages is the norm for many women, but especially for those above 38. Don't lose hope!
I'm sorry you're going through this OP unfortunately I can't relate to this but wanted to share some support. I wish you all the best of luck and I'm sure some day you'll be a fantastic parents.
Congratulations on having your DD, you must have felt on top of the world when you finally had her in your arms like you so deserve after having gone through the turmoil you previously suffered, I'm sorry you went through that. I've read up on molar pregnancies, that must have been so scary. I won't give up, thank you.
Sallycinnamon17 thank you, that's very sweet of you and I really appreciate that :-)
Hello - I'm going through exactly the same as you at the mo. We aren't alone, even though it feels like a v lonely place. I've had 2 miscarriages and about to have a third - went for a 8 week scan on Wednesday and embryo hadn't grown enough. Going for another scan tomorrow and then will have a procedure so the little bean can be sent off for chromosomal testing. I'm going to be 41 in March and DH 42 in August.
We are seeing mr Shehata at the miscarriage clinic in Epsom (close to Hertfordshire). There are lots of threads on here about him I think, but I'd highly recommend him - you really feel like something is being done and there's a plan rather than the 'keep trying' 'it's just bad luck' NHS mantra. It is private so obviously costs but happy to answer any questions if you have any.
Keep smiling - we'll get there. And if not we will survive and have a bloody good life with lots of money to spend on ourselves
Hi Historyhelen, I am so sorry about your current sad news and what you and your DH are going through. It is just such a devastating thing to keep going through. Well done for pursuing the private route. I am close to that. I have my first NHS gyneo appointment on 8 Feb and if it is not decided to take me forward for tests because i've "only had 2 m/c's" (they tend to view it that way even though before the 2 m/c's I carried a Down Syndrome embryo), then I may take the private route. Did you take the NHS specialist route first and if so what was your experience?
From what I see about Mr Shehata, he looks really good. Especially his success story regarding the woman who had 20 m/c's! And he indentified it was down to antibodies and gave her a Malaria tablet and that worked for her.
I have to say that this report from the Royal Colleage of Obstetricians and Gyneocologists is really good (https://www.rcog.org.uk/globalassets/documents/guidelines/gtg_17.pdf) "The Investigation & Treatment of Couples with Recurrent Miscarriage..." . It lists the most common factors that may cause a miscarriage which includes Age, Chromosomal, Immune factors-NK Cells, Thyroid, Antibodies, Anatomoical, etc... all the things that I am hoping my Gyneo via NHS will look into for me when I go and see him on 8 Feb. I would imagine this is the type of testing Mr Shehata will do for you.
Wishing you all the best going forward and feel free to keep me posted. Keep positive.
Thank you. We didn't get the chance to go down NHS route - it was a point blank no as we only had 2 miscarriages. I'm pretty certain the NHS won't test for high NK cells though so it wouldn't have helped me anyway. Although mr Shehata also works for the NHS, I don't think his treatment has been verified by NICE so it's quite controversial within the NHS. reading between the lines I think he's doing ongoing research on it but even he doesn't know why the treatment works - but it does have an 85% success rate.
Good luck with it all and keep us updated 😀
Hi Historyhelen, thanks so much and good luck to you too :-)
85% success rate sounds promising and Shehata really looks the bee knees.
Keep me posted too and so my Mum keeps telling me, keep the chin up! x
There is a really nice thread in the Conception section of MN for 40+ ladies who are trying to get pregnant in their 40's. It was a great support to me when I was TTC. Many of the poster's experienced infertility, miscarriages, high-risk ante-natal screening results etc.
Perhaps take a look if you feel up to it, although I can imagine things are very raw for you just now
Been for scan today. Still a low heart rate at 91bpm BUT little bean has grown by two days over last three days, yolk sac is now normal size and blood that was collecting is smaller. It's now 6 days behind according to mr Shehata initial dating (which I think was correct as I know when I ovulated) or 8 days behind if we go by date of my last period. All v confusing. Still likely to be miscarriage but Mr S has had a couple of examples where this happened and babies have been fine (but statistically likely to be miscarriage I think). Aaaaaaaargh!!!! Back for scan on Wednesday and if no heartbeat he'll do the procedure that day. I'm now stupidly optimistic which is probably silly but DH is taking it really hard - seeing the heartbeat is excruciating for him whereas I can somehow distance myself from it.
Don't know if anyone else has stories of low heart rate and behind on dates but everything fine? I'm clutching at any straws that can be thrown my way!
Lou2016 keep us updated with your appointment in Feb.
Hi historyhelen, you and your DH are truly brave. It's great that baby's o.k. and we can only pray all is ok going forward. It's the waiting that's the worst but it's good you know where you're at right now. I find it so strange that in normal life weeks just fly by, but in the "early pregnancy life" a day feels like a week and a week feels like a month! Try to fill your time with nice positive things whilst you're on this bumpy ride and get as much relaxation as you can. Hopefully the next visit and one after etc will be good news. Crossing my fingers for you.
Sure I'll let you know how I get on with gyneo on 8th. Roll on the next few weeks for us both, times like this we could do with a crystal ball! x
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.