Relationship problems after 2nd miscarriage(2 Posts)
Hi, I found out at our first scan 3 weeks ago that the baby had died 2.5 weeks earlier. No obvious cause for it to stop breathing 'just one of those things' how they described it. It was a very difficult experience a big shock to me and my partner as we thought the baby was now over 12 weeks and I had had no pain or discomfort just a growing waist line and other pregnancy symptoms. This was our second miscarriage I had my first 18 months earlier. The first pregnancy wasn't planned, I was 34 at the time and my partner 30 we had only recently started living together. So we decided to wait and try again later, the second was planned we really wanted the baby and we were so happy when we found out I was pregnant. after my first miscarriage I got very down and found it hard to cope with the loss, my partner was very strong about it and moved on quickly or so it appeared. This time I was a lot stronger and went back to work straight away, I didn't want to get down and depressed again, I found it easier to cope just to keep going rather then be waiting around the house for hospit appointments. I managed even around the discomfort and I'm pretty much on the other side now. However desperately I was upset I just wanted to stay focused on having another baby, not allow my spirit to falter, I just wanted to get on with life. As soon as we could start having sex again, not to 'try' I wasn't ready for that but just to get on with life. However my partner just won't have sex with me. He says he isn't ready and not ready to let go or move on. I don't know why, but it's hard because it feels like he's pushing me away and it just reminds me of what has happened to us and the divide we have now when we were so happy just a few weeks ago. I don't want the reminder..I just want to move on and start our lives again.. I don't know what to do its causing arguments between us and I just don't feel fully close to him. It's hard for me to look at this objectively right now because it's such an emotive subject and I'm so close to my own view of it all. Appreciate any advice
Everyone deals with things differently - I'm currently going through a mc and I don't know if my DH is coping or not. I keep checking if he's ok but he just says that he's worried about me. I contacted a friend of his earlier today to explain what was going on and asked him to call him, because I really want to give him the opportunity to talk to someone about it.
Would your partner be open to seeing a councillor - both of you together? Or would it help to mark both pregnancies e.g. plant a tree in your garden etc. as twee as that might sound, it might help?
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