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Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum.

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Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum.

Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Remembering our lost babies this Christmas

75 replies

OTheHugeManatee · 21/12/2015 15:37

I was supposed to be three weeks from giving birth this Christmas. Only I'm not. I lost my baby at 9 weeks, back in the summer.

I've been okay with it, mostly, over the last few months, throwing myself into work and back ttc. But Christmas, with all the celebrations for the birth of a very famous baby, and children all excited and families celebrating has just brought it right back to the surface.

I never knew my baby's sex, but I think of her as a little girl called Frankie. I just wanted to say: Frankie, wherever you are, I still think of you. DH and I loved you, for the few weeks we hoped we'd get to meet you. I hope one day we'll have a baby of our own, but I'll never forget you.

for anyone else out there coping with miscarriage/pregnancy loss and struggling with it this Christmas.

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KittyandTeal · 21/12/2015 18:11

This will be our first Christmas without our dd2. She was stillborn at 22 weeks in January. So I guess it's almost been a year. Seems strange to think that. There's not a day that goes by I don't feel the pain of her loss somehow.

We're off to the crematorium on Christmas Eve to put down some flowers. I got her a special bauble for our tree, and one for the tree just by her 'spot' where her ashes are.

This is our first Christmas living with the 'new normal'

OTheHugeManatee · 22/12/2015 07:24

So sorry for your loss Kitty

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Bonywasawarriorwayayix · 22/12/2015 13:13

I'd like to mention our little Bean. We lost her at 10 weeks (so no idea if a 'her' but she was to me) in October. She was going to be a much wanted second child and we don't know if we can bear to ttc again. I now wear a charm bracelet symbolising her and gorgeous toddler DS.

KittyandTeal · 22/12/2015 16:17

Thanks

Bony I was the same, totally unsure about ttc again. Decided to give it a go, cycle all over the place and apparently I have endo and adeno so our decision has been pretty much made for us. Actually it's a bit of a relief.

Bonywasawarriorwayayix · 22/12/2015 18:20

Sorry for your loss Kitty.
I can see what you mean about the decision being taken out of your hands. I'm back on the pill for a bit so we can think about things properly.
The bauble is a lovely idea.

wellthatdidntgotoplan · 22/12/2015 18:24

So sorry for all your losses. Our beautiful baby girl was stillborn at 32 weeks at the beginning of November. 27th December was her due date so we are in for an up and down kind of Christmas I think. We have a few things to remember her by - not that we need reminding

GoApeShit · 22/12/2015 20:38

So sorry for all of your losses.

I found out I was pregnant with DC2 last Christmas Eve. I miscarried in early February. Not nearly as heartbreaking as some of the things some ladies on here have gone through, and even though I'm now blessed to be 35 weeks pregnant with a very healthy baby, it still hurts so much to think of our baby that just didn't make it.

Love to you all this Christmas.

eastegg · 22/12/2015 22:05

Hi OP, I was due in January too, and I'm also struggling. What's making it harder is that DH confirmed 2 days ago what I feared but had been trying to pretend would go away ie that he really doesn't want another child. We have 2 already, and lost our 3rd at 16 weeks in August. I thought I was OK but really I was just burying it all under hopes of getting pregnant again. Ain't gonna happen.

Sorry for your loss OP, and everyone else on here. Christmas is definitely bringing it all back for me

KittyandTeal · 23/12/2015 09:52

Be kind to yourselves everyone. Times like this are such an up and down time.

I have warned everyone and fully expect to have to take myself off on Christmas Day for a bit of a moment. I'll spend some time looking through her memory box and photos.

It's a world I never thought I'd be part of but now I'm here I'm so grateful for all the wonderfully supportive people in this community

OTheHugeManatee · 23/12/2015 10:31

Same to you Kitty. Perhaps the hardest thing is to reassure ourselves that it's OK to feel sad in the midst of jolliness and feasting and all.

DH's dad and my grandmother both died in a short space of time, a month before DH and I married. We nearly cancelled but MIL begged us not to so she had something to look forward to I ended up giving a short and quite tearful speech to remember them both during the toasts. Apparently it made everyone cry but it felt very important to make space for the sad in the middle of all that happy, otherwise it'd have felt fake. I think this is the same, perhaps, slightly So like you I will be taking time over Holy Week to remember my little bean. I will think of you all as well when I do so

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JoMalones · 23/12/2015 15:31

I'm so sorry for all your losses.

Personally, I don't want to celebrate Christmas but will be focusing on my children and family, making sure they are happy. I had a massive rant to OH last night saying I don't want any presents.

Such a hard time of year when most are celebrating and there are constant reminders around.

Blueskies80 · 23/12/2015 18:51

So sorry for all your losses.

I had two miscarriages this year at 11 and 7 weeks (second was around the time of due date for the first pregnancy..) so this Christmas I will be remembering these two little ones that didn't make it. I have my dc and am so grateful for them but sad that these little ones didn't make it and trying to stay positive for the future xx

invisibleloss · 23/12/2015 22:01

I just wanted to say how sorry I was for us all in here. The pain never leaves us it just changes.

I'm lying on the sofa and my partner is asleep on the coach and I'm watching a crappy movie. And can't help but remember the babies I've lost that would have brought some excitement this Christmas however I am grateful for my life, career and the support I received off some of you amazing ladies this time last time last year when I thought life wasn't worth living.

Thankyou so much. I which you all the best. Have a merry xmas.

Nousername2015 · 24/12/2015 07:42

I'm sorry for everyone's losses, it's heartbreaking.

I lost at 11 weeks in March this year. The scan showed the baby died around the same day that my nan died and I started to spot (which led to confirmation of mmc) at her funeral. So this Christmas I'll be thinking of someone that I was fortunate enough to be very close to for many years, and someone who I was very close to for a short time but never got to meet.

I am pregnant again and grateful that all is going well but frustrated that people around me seem to have forgotten that there was a time when there was going to be one extra this Christmas, and instead are purely focused on the 'replacement' pregnancy (This is absolutely not how I view it by the way but unfortunately how people in the family seem to see it). Maybe they do remember but don't feel they can say anything.

I hope you all have a good Christmas, even if it is a time that brings back difficult memories. Look after yourselves, will be thinking of you all.

Tftpoo · 24/12/2015 07:51

So sorry for all the losses and pain people here have gone through. We lost a baby (I think it was a boy) at 12 weeks earlier this year, he was due last weekend. We have bought a special decoration for the Christmas tree which I want to put up every year to remember him and make sure that he is still part of this special family time. Eventually I will explain to my toddlers the significance of this decoration.

OTheHugeManatee · 24/12/2015 08:16

So sorry for everyone's losses and grief. Nousername I know what you mean about the 'replacement'. Lots of people responded to our MC by talking about trying again and while that's true, for us at least (I know others on this thread are coming to terms with different circumstances) there was a particular baby, at a particular time, who was lost and that can't be 'replaced'.

As it turns out, I discovered the day after starting this thread that I'm pregnant again, and while I'm delighted I still feel like I need to make space for remembering the baby who would have been so nearly here at this point. I think perhaps those around the person who is actually pregnant sometimes don't feel its presence so acutely because it's not them who has the constant awareness of a little third party in their body right from the start. So it's more abstract and a new pregnancy can look like a 'replacement' for one that was lost. But it's not, not to me anyway. It's a different pregnancy and I'll never forget the baby I lost.

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JoMalones · 24/12/2015 09:58

Congratulations Manatee xx

OTheHugeManatee · 24/12/2015 19:06

I'll be thinking of you all tomorrow

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ElfOnTheBoozeShelf · 24/12/2015 19:14

Thank you for starting this. I've lost two babies this year, and quite frankly it's been shit. I've been holding it together for DS (6) and being as festive as possible, but I feel broken. My mum just called asking if the "baby's first Christmas" stocking from DS can be used for my nephew, and I felt like I'd been slapped. She did ask very gently, and I know she wasn't trying to upset me in any way, but it's all come rushing back. And I swear to God if one more person tries to make me feel better by saying "at least you can drink!" I will scream.

It might sound bizarre to other people but I got some ornaments for the tree for my babies. Two little glass hearts with a feather inside. I'm not religious in any way, but they touched me. I bought them two weeks ago, and just put them on the tree. Haven't even explained to DH what they're about - I think he guessed though.

Much love and peace to you all for tomorrow.

OTheHugeManatee · 24/12/2015 19:25

Elf How utterly painful about the stocking. Take care of yourself this Christmas. Lots of us will be taking time out from the day to remember our little ones who didn't make it.

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3littlebadgers · 24/12/2015 19:27

to all of you missing your previous babies.

We lost our tiny girl, Azra at 40+5 in March, she has a pretty star on top of the tree and her stocking is hung by the fire place. The stocking will remain empty but our hearts will always be full of love for her.

Tonight my tiny girl, while everyone's eyes are searching the skies for Father Christmas, my eyes will be searching for you, mummy's little star. I love you so very much and I am so proud I got to be your mummy, if only for a while x x

3littlebadgers · 24/12/2015 19:27

Precious not previous

OTheHugeManatee · 24/12/2015 19:30

Badgers I'm crying for you. With you.

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3littlebadgers · 24/12/2015 19:33

Thank you manatee hopefully all of our babies are somewhere celebrating together x

OTheHugeManatee · 24/12/2015 19:37

Have a very unmumsnetty hug (((badgers)))

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