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My MMC measuring 11+4 - medical management

(11 Posts)
Samkate Wed 16-Dec-15 04:40:05

This is my first post, I wish it was for a happier reason.
I had my scan on Monday (14/12) and was 13+4 according to my calculated date.
I was devastated to be told that my baby had died at 11+4.
They think it may have a cystic hygroma, suggesting Turner Syndrome being the cause of miscarriage.
After being in complete shock my husband and I had to sit in a quiet room for an hour to wait to speak to a midwife/doctor. The wait was agonising.
Luckily this is my only negative part of care I've received so far.
I was then spoken to by an amazingly kind and gentle midwife who explained as much as we were able to take in. A consultant then spoke with us about genetic testing due to the possibility of chromosomal abnormality being the cause. He scanned me again to see where my placenta was to try and perform CVS.
To add insult to injury this wasn't possible as my placenta was at the back.
I was then transferred to another hospital to organise the management of my miscarriage.
Again, we were looked after by another wonderful midwife who organised me to come back in the next day as I wanted medical management.
My reasoning for this was after discussions with the doctor, this option gave the best chance of the placenta/cord being tested as surgical management would mean it probably wouldn't all be intact.
I couldn't bare the thought of natural management. Unlike a lot of people on here I hate the thought of being at home. I don't want to pass my baby down the toilet and I think if I have professionals nearby I might be less scared. Plus, the fact I want it tested would mean I would have to take it into the hospital so much more practical this way.
So I had the tablet at 10:30 yesterday and at 21:00 I had some bleeding when I wiped but none since. I've been taking paracetamol as I feel crampy.
I've got an appointment for Thursday to go in for the pessaries.
If i experience heavy bleeding or cramps that paracetamol can't handle then I am to call them and I can go straight in.

The doctor was very clear in telling me and my husband that we have done nothing to cause this.
If it is Turner Syndrome then it's just "one of those things" and nothing contributed to it. It's unlikely to happen again, which is very reassuring.

I just feel numb. I mostly feel cried out and even laughed a bit with my husband tonight at a TV program. But then suddenly I think of something and I feel like my world is crashing down and I just sob uncontrollably.

To make matters worse, 4 people at work are pregnant, we all had due dates within a month or so of each other. My sister is also pregnant and she had her scan today and everything is well for her.
Although I am happy for all these people, and wish them all the luck in the world I can't imagine how I will feel seeing them. Particularly my sister who over the next 6 months I'll see grow. Her due is 13 days after mine was.

I am blessed to have a son who has just turned 2. I know I am already more lucky than some. I am so grateful for what we already have.
But this baby was to complete our family. Everything had lined up perfectly. I know this isn't the end though, there's no reason we can't try again.

My husband and I both wanted a baby girl. If it is Turner syndrome then it was a girl (boys don't have Turner syndrome). I now feel so stupid and naive for wishing so desperately for a girl and should have put my thoughts and wishes to just having a healthy baby. I feel such a selfish fool.

I keep having awful thoughts that they just missed the heartbeat on the scan. I had a bath on Monday night and actually thought I felt the baby clearly moving! I swear I could see it!
I know this can't be true. The baby didn't move at all on the scan. I could see the blood all lit up in the placenta but clearly none went any further onto the baby and there was clearly no heartbeat.
But I just keep getting upset that there's a chance it could be alive and I've just taken the tablet to kill it! I keep imagining passing it and seeing it move!
Again, I know these are irrational thoughts. I just can't shake them.

I feel that in reading some stories of medical management on here I feel better prepared. But I also feel scared too as the hospital don't suggest anything near as traumatic as pretty much everyone on here describes.

If you have read to the end I thank you. I'm hoping that writing this down will help me whether I get any replies or not.
I suppose I just wanted to put down my ongoing experience. I know it's very raw now as we only got the devastating news 41 hours ago.
I just feel so lost and scared.

holidaysarenice Wed 16-Dec-15 04:49:05

I couldn't leave this without replying, you are an incredibly brave woman who has faced some very difficult decisions in the last few days.

Take the time you need, it's okay to have all those thoughts, to be angry at the world. People will be so much more understanding and sensitive that you imagine.
Keep putting your thoughts done here if it helps.
Much unmumsnetty love x

GentlyGentlyOhDear Wed 16-Dec-15 04:59:39

I'm really sorry for your terribly sad news. I can't offer much advice as my mmc was a blighted ovum so baby didn't develop past conception and I had surgical management, but I just wanted to say that it is completely normal (but totally unjustified) to feel guilty (my pregnancy was unplanned and I felt i caused the mmc as i wasnt excited about it) and to think there might be a mistake. Your thoughts and hormones will be all over the place and I was also trying to put a brave face in things so dc1 had no idea anything was up.

I also had a close friend due two weeks ahead of me and I was irrationally angry that I had lost my baby and she sailed through pregnancy problem free. Two other ladies at my toddler group also announced pregnancies with due dates within a week of mine only three or four weeks after my miscarriage and I had to feign illness and rush home as I had a panic attack. I didn't want anyone to know what I was going through as I felt it was a private thing, but did gain great comfort from two friends who I knew had suffered the same thing, so do talk to people in real life if you feel you can.

Things did get easier with my friend and although I found meeting her newborn hard, knowing I should have one too, it got easier after the initial meeting. I also now have a a five month old DS and although I think about the baby I lost occasionally, I can be a bit more philosophical about it - I feel for me it was better to lose the baby early rather than to be faced with some difficult decisions later down the line.

Do take care of yourselves as I know my dh struggled too.

And apologies for typos _ on tablet.

Samkate Wed 16-Dec-15 05:06:16

Thank you for your replies.

My son saw me cry earlier and looked at my tears and said 'oh , mummy drip' and touched my tear.
Beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time.

We have discussed trying for another baby. Which pulls me in both directions. I feel I shouldn't even be thinking about this yet and feel terribly guilty.
I know 11+4 is so early, but I do love this baby.
I just can't bear the thought of not being pregnant. I also think being pregnant on my due date will make it easier to deal with. I desperately want another baby but feel like such a bad person for even thinking about another yet. This poor baby is still inside of me!!
I've never felt such guilt or pain so strong that it takes my breath away.

Samkate Wed 16-Dec-15 05:07:51

Jesus I need to sleep. Not had a wink tonight.
My son will be awake in a couple of hours and what if things start happening today, I'm not at all prepared!

CazPet83 Wed 16-Dec-15 10:13:16

Sorry to hear about everything you're going through I myself suffered a mc on 7th and still feel awful about it all.
I was due my 12 week scan on the day I lost my baby so we never found out what really happened. Not as of yet anyway.

Hospital were rubbish, I had a very low BP throughout and had been injected with pethidine for the pain.

We have lots of unanswered questions at the moment, but hopefully they will be answered soon. My partner wants to try again, I do too but its hard to separate both the mc and trying again so soon.

Thoughts are with you and your baby x

JoMalones Wed 16-Dec-15 15:10:58

I'm so sorry. I was about the same dates as you. We weren't offered a possible reason and chose the surgical route. I hope it is gentle for you X

marmiteontoast76 Wed 16-Dec-15 15:47:02

I'm so sorry to hear this. Breaks my heart reading your story as I know how you are feeling, we went through similar in September. For us the worst part of it all was receiving the news at the scan, but after that the care we received at the hospital was wonderful. We lost a much wanted little girl which broke my heart. On a positive note I am 10 weeks preg again now.

Pm me if you need to chat more. I've found the support on here wonderful over the past few months. Miscarriage can be a very lonely experience and very awful when you are then surrounded by pregnant women.....there are 3 in my office too plus my friend has the same due date as our lost one.

RoTo72 Wed 16-Dec-15 20:00:58

So sorry to read this. I too had a missed miscarriage. I chose surgical procedure. That was 27th Nov, got my first negative test today, and it almost feels like I got b that news over again. Please be gentle with yourself and cry when u need to. I really wish u the best of luck in getting ur rainbow baby x

Nousername2015 Wed 16-Dec-15 20:16:15

I'm so sorry for your loss OP. What a beautiful (and heartbreaking) thing for your ds to say when he saw you crying. I had a mmc in March at 11+5, the baby measured 9 weeks. It was my first pregnancy. I completely identify with what you say about not wanting to be at home, I went into hospital for medical management for that very reason. I had 2 rounds of tablets and it took about 4 hours to start things off. I also doubted if they had just missed the heartbeat on the scan but you have to remember that these are professionals who see this so often so they definitely know what they are looking at. I too felt a desperate need to be pregnant again and am very lucky to be 35 weeks today.
I hope you're managing to eat and sleep. Do whatever you feel you need to do, be it cry or get back to normal. I wrote a letter to my baby which I feel helped me to process what had happened.
Best wishes for getting through tomorrow, this place is a wonderful support for these tough times. Look after yourself flowers

EchoesOfLeon Wed 16-Dec-15 20:41:58

Hi Samkate,

Sorry to hear you are going through this, I had the same in July.

Baby had cystic hygroma and hydrops. Discovered at 12 week scan and heartbeat stopped sometime between that and 12w 4days when I saw a specialist.

I however had surgical management and they will still able to test the remains. Inconclusive for Turners but confirmed no issues with placenta.

It's really shit to get to the magical 12 week scan and then find out something like this. Can't really offer anything else except to say that I've been there and can understand.

Take care of yourself and do whatever you feel you need to get through it.

flowers

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