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I'm not ok

(15 Posts)
RoTo72 Mon 14-Dec-15 14:52:43

3 weeks today since I found out I had a missed miscarriage. Will be 3 weeks Friday since my erpc. I should be 14 weeks pregnant today. I cried non stop for over a week, couldnt eat, sleep and barely functional. I'm now back to cooking cleaning and eating slightly more, can have conversations about what crap we happen to be watching on tv. I feel ppl r fed up listening to me, no one has said this btw. Anyone asks how I am I say "ah ok", then they start talking about something else. Thing is I'm not ok at all. I miss my baby, I should be feeling flutters. Almost every minute I'm thinking about her. I'm so fed up. I don't want this miscarriage to have happened to me, I want to be myself. But it has happened and Il never be myself again.

JoMalones Mon 14-Dec-15 15:49:20

I'm not sure what to say but wanted you to know you're not alone. I was on the same board as you. I could have written this post. I'm not eating or drinking as I just don't want to. I can't stop crying. I don't want to see anyone except my own children and that includes not wanting DP. I'm tired and broken. I don't want Christmas

RoTo72 Mon 14-Dec-15 15:52:20

Xx it's just the worst place to be

Doublebubblebubble Mon 14-Dec-15 15:57:51

flowers the both of you x I've been there done that and bought far to many t-shirts. I've been pregnant 5 times with 6 children (stillbirth of twins, 1 early mc and 1 mlmc at 14 weeks and I've just the 2 (dd6 + ds 8weeks) the only thing that I can truly say is and its the biggest cliché time is a great healer. You wont ever ever forget your little ones but it does get easier. This isn't the end it is the beginning of the arduous journey into motherhood. Be kind to yourself xxx

Doublebubblebubble Mon 14-Dec-15 15:59:29

*yourselves

RoTo72 Mon 14-Dec-15 19:20:51

* double* I don't know how u do it. I'm lucky iv a son who's 15. This pregnancy wasn't planned, I'm 43 and have endemeteosis, but it was welcomed and loved and plans for.the future were made. I wont be ttc again, part of me would like to, but I'm terrified of this happening again. This would have been my partners first child.

obsessedlex Mon 14-Dec-15 23:49:23

Sending you big hugs Ro - I was on another thread with you. Xxxxxx

FortyFacedFuckers Tue 15-Dec-15 00:17:45

I was in the same position last Christmas, I have no advice but I know how shit it is, be kind to yourself xx

RoTo72 Tue 15-Dec-15 00:31:03

Thank you forty. Obsessed how are you doing now x

obsessedlex Tue 15-Dec-15 10:46:14

Hi Ro - I'm doing ok, good days and bad days. Watched Marley and me with my little girl on Sunday and had totally forgotten the bit where Jennifer Anniston finds out that there is no baby in her at her first appointment - very Hollywood version of an Mmc as they didn't do anything about it!! Anyway nearly lost it then !!
I've been keeping busy and trying to think positive. I wonder if you are finding it particularly hard because you have ruled out having another? XXXX

RoTo72 Tue 15-Dec-15 12:40:30

Maybe. Is just so final. And I can't stop thinking about it. I'm really trying to make an effort to move on. And I know I will in time, but something has definitely changed in me

JoMalones Tue 15-Dec-15 20:00:47

Hope you're taking it easy Ro xxx

RoTo72 Tue 15-Dec-15 20:52:27

Thank you * Jo*, how r u doing

JoMalones Wed 16-Dec-15 01:26:04

Not great, had gp and paramedic out as fainted and in lots of pain and losing blood again. On loads of antibiotics. Only good thing is that it was a distraction from the horrible things in my head and heart.

RoTo72 Wed 16-Dec-15 08:17:08

Ah that's awful. It really is a horrific time. Hope you start to feel better soon xxx.

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