Empty sac yesterday, need advice and tips to carry on as normal

[zaalitje]

Hi
Hoping someone can help me with some advise,
I'm 8 weeks, had a private scan yesterday, they said there's a sac and no baby. So now I'm just waiting to start to miscarry.

I'm not with my partner so doing this on my own and could use some help to effectively carry on as if normal.

I started a new job last week, they don't know I'm pregnant, I can't take time off whilst my body does this:-
A) because I have no idea when it will start.
B) because it's a new job and I'm not allowed time off, it'll cost me my job. Maternity rights or not, it's very easy to get rid of someone in their first year, let alone the first week.

So if anyone could provide some tips on coping whilst carrying on as normal if really appreciate it.

Thank you.

[BipBippadotta]

I'm so sorry to hear your news, Zaalitje. This sounds like an incredibly painful and stressful time.

Did the ultrasound tech say it was definitely not a viable pregnancy? I know sometimes they advise you to wait a week and have another scan to be sure, as there can be cases (e.g. women with a tilted uterus) where it's harder to find the baby until later in the pregnancy. I know from my own experience that waiting with hope can be worse than waiting without, though.

Have you been to your GP? It may be possible to have an ERPC (a surgical procedure under general anaesthetic where they remove the 'products of conception'), so that you would at least know when it was happening and have a date for when it would be over. I had one and found it an enormous relief - but I know others feel differently and would rather let nature take its course.

I wish I had some good tips for you on coping whilst carrying on as normal. With my missed miscarriage, in the 2 weeks between learning my baby had died and my ERPC, I found making sure I always had painkillers and ultra absorbent pads helped me feel less terrified of being 'caught short' if you see what I mean. Emotionally, I swung between feeling totally numb and overwhelmed with grief and shame and despair.

With your employer, I can see you're in a situation where you feel very vulnerable - but remember that if you need medical attention at any point, you are entitled to time off work. No matter what the reason. People have different experiences of miscarriage, some have a relatively easy time of it and for some it simply would not be possible to come to work. You need to take care of yourself. Your employer would not expect you to come in if you had appendicitis, or norovirus, for example.

Do you have close friends or family to help you through this? I really feel for you having to do this on your own.

xx

[DownstairsMixUp]

Hi OP

Sorry to hear you are going through this. I had the same thing happen in August 2013, unfortuntely I got told that I could stay pregnant for weeks before anything happened (I found out at 8 weeks, had to wait another week to rescan and confirm) so I opted to go for the ERPC route. Is this possible for you? I was only off work the day of the operation and the day after. It really wasn't that bad painwise, it was more the emotional side that was hard. As above poster said, if you have a friend near by to hand hold, it might make it a little easier.

[CottonSock]

I'm sorry this happened to you op. I understand not wanting to take time off whilst waiting. I'd probably want to work too. But I think you should prepare yourself that you might want a day off when the miscarriage starts.. I've had a mc in this number of weeks and the bleeding did start slowly over a good few days. I carried on as normal, we were going on holiday! There was a half day of very heavy bleeding when I had to stay home, when it trailed off I went out with lots of pads. Obviously every mc is different, but try not to be too scared. I found I felt better compared to the shock and disappointment of scan. Emotionally you might not feel like work. It is OK to take time off.

[AbiBranning]

You don't have to tell them you are pregnant to take the time off. I had an ERPC, but told work it was Gynae problems, the hospital even asked how much detail I wanted on the fit note, so it was just put as Post surgery recovery. When I did give details I told them it was a burst cyst (not advising you to lie - just what I did)

[AbiBranning]

and sorry you are going through this - it really is cruel

[Zabzab]

Hi zaalitje, in case you have not seen it there is a really helpful thread on this page called "http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/1344311-Tips-for-coping-with-the-practicalities-of-miscarriage", with a lot of good tips from ladies having gone through it, it helps to know what to expect. I thing the advice given by others to look into surgical management might be interesting for you as it allows to control what happens and when. All the poosible best (well, given the circumstances!). X