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Getting the anger of baby loss under control? Any tips?

(6 Posts)
Downbutnot0ut Wed 11-Nov-15 16:20:43

Hi, I've had 7 MCs, the last one was April 2015. I don't have children, I haven't gone down the egg donation route, but to cut a long story short that is probably the only way I could have my own child (if it worked for me).

I'm a really positive person, I don't really have much time for self pity, especially "it's not fair" because I know everyone's life is hard and has their genuine hardships and tragedies. But I've got all this grief anger that is at boiling point and I just don't know what to do with it.

I feel such resentment that pregnancy means disappointment and disaster to me and for other people it's not like that.

I feel hard and angry and I mourn the loss of my romantic side and sweetness, quite bitterly.

Any suggestions?

KittyandTeal Wed 11-Nov-15 17:09:33

You need to let it out. After loosing dd2 I soon learnt that putting up and shutting up doesn't work and it doesn't mean you are being strong.

You have had a shit time. Allow yourself to rage and scream and shout. It's not fair! Being a positive person doesn't earn you shouldn't feel these things. Ironically I have become a happier person now I allow myself to feel the 'it's not fair' and feel angry.

Have you had any counselling? It's not for everyone but it definitely worked for me and was a safe place to let out my anger.

In a more practical way I now run. I run when I'm angry or upset. I run regularly now to stop the pent up anger but I tend to run when I'm upset too. I did my fasted 5k recently after getting an 'oops were having our third, we've just come to terms with it' email from my friend, the same week I was diagnosed with endometriosis meaning I probably won't have another.

Allow yourself to mourn. Baby loss, at whatever stage, is utterly soul destroying. I have been working on accepting that I will never be the same person I was before I had dd2.

Downbutnot0ut Wed 11-Nov-15 19:11:54

Hi KittyandTeal,

Thanks for your message. I am so sorry to hear about you losing DD2 and about your endometriosis diagnosis, what a horrible, tough time.

I'm having counselling and I dump a lot of rage there. I can be honest with my husband and my parents and some of my friends but some of my people don't like it and don't get it and don't want it. I'm one of those people who doesn't want it etc.

I'm just trying to push on but my patience is short. I'm having time off work I suppose I need to be patient. But I'm fed up of being mad, I just feel like life is passing me by.

I need to find a positive and regular outlet, running sounds good.

Thanks so much for taking the time to respond to this post I don't have a lot of people who get it.

redstrawberries101 Thu 14-Jan-16 11:16:13

Hi OP how are you getting on? Xx

monkeytree Thu 14-Jan-16 21:10:57

Hiya. Lots of anger here too. I do have dc's but lost a ds at 20 weeks and amazed by how much anger I have boiling away. Yet to meet anyone who is as angry as I am. Most people I meet who have had this kind of loss seem to be in denial/don't want to talk about it, some even put a positive spin on it! Me - I'm really angry and feeling terribly sad x. You are not alone.

redstrawberries101 Thu 14-Jan-16 22:59:59

Monkey tree have you tried counselling? It's not for everyone but it's helped me in the past X

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