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Chemical pregnancy - feeling like a fraud!

(9 Posts)
Faybells Tue 10-Nov-15 08:39:33

Hello all

I had a miscarriage at 11 weeks in july. Pretty traumatic and ended up in hospital on a drip after passing out several times with heavy blood loss. Took a while to move on from that but began to feel much better and we have been ttc again for a couple of months. I had a few niggles and symptoms that led me to believe i could be pregnant this month. But i didnt want to get my hopes up, and then convinced myself i wasnt and felt stupid and angry for hoping. in a fit of frustration i did a test 5 days early purely to see a negative and kill the suspicion. But it came up positive. It was faint but it was there. I got positives every day for the next 4 days, including a clear blue digital. But i never really accepted it. My symptoms werent strong but i put that down to it being early. Anyway. Hovered around sending my self referral off yesterday for maternity care. Didnt want to tempt fate but sent it off. And lo and behold, i get my period today at 4 days late... I dnt want to call it anything else, it feels like the pregnancy never was. And i feel like such a wally for doing an early test in the first place. And then for sending off this referral. I feel now im going to be laughed at when i tell the midwife im not pregnant, it was all a mistake. I told my mum and she has been kind. But before any of this happened she would always comment on how these early tests are a bad idea because in 'her day' you just got a late period and never knew and it didnt have such an impact and that was best. And so now its happened to me and i just feel like such a wally. I had told a friend, and told her this morning whats happened. She commented to say how strange the cleae blue got it wrong. So im really thinking yes it was all a mistake and why did i put myself through it. Im very disappointed.

I am sorry - not asking for advice...i guess i just wanted to get it all out of my head.

Sparkles83 Tue 10-Nov-15 10:05:15

I'm so sorry for you loss. I've recently had a loss myself and it's incredibly difficult. I'm certain a chemical pregnancy is still a pregnancy it just doesn't develop properly. At the end of the day a positive is a positive and your only human to get excited over the thought being pregnant. I would be exactly the same. I'm sending you a hug and lots of baby dust xx

Faybells Tue 10-Nov-15 16:59:50

Thank you sparkles83. I am sorry for your loss too.

It feels like such an anticlimax this one. I had barely got my head round the idea of pregnancy and it was over. And i kept praying it wouldnt end in miscarriage. And im sad, confused and disalpointed to be here again. Allbeit so different from the last one. I suppose there is comfort in that this is so very early and more manageable. I called the epu for advice, they said it is considered a miscarriage because i had a positive and was pregnant. Which was good to hear in a way. Good to know it really was something and recognised medically. Thank you for the hug and the baby dust, means a lot.....truck loads coming back to you too flowers

nuttybananas Tue 10-Nov-15 17:23:23

Oh I know what you mean - you know you shouldn't test early but it's hard not to get excited - especially after your previous loss. i have had 2 chemicals - tested on first and even though I didn't on the second one I 'knew' I was pregnant and was just as gutted when I started bleeding 8 days after. take care of yourself - it is a loss and it's ok to be sad and angry (you just might need to choose the right people to share this with as not everyone can empathise)

TwigsWithStupidLittleLightsOn Tue 10-Nov-15 19:28:43

I'm so sorry.

You were pregnant - you had a miscarriage. The term 'chemical pregnancy' is just so horrible and harsh on poor women like you who were carrying a little life that just didn't make it. That phrase just devalues what you are going through, which is the loss of a pregnancy which, whilst in the early stages, was very much real. Don't be hard on yourself and don't think you will be laughed at.

I had a loss at 8 weeks and my nan, as lovely and supportive as she was, also spoke of how these 'new early tests' don't help things. Well, sadly, we are lucky (or not) enough to be able to find out early. Sometimes this causes heartache and other times it's wonderful.

Use the boards on here for support; they are brilliant. I found it such a source of support during my very dark time in January. I have no doubt there will be light at the end of the tunnel for you OP; I'm now 29 weeks with a baby I just couldn't have imagined after my loss. You will get through it, I promise.

flowers

Turquoisetamborine Tue 10-Nov-15 19:53:11

Was it definitely a period? Is the test coming back negative now?
I had a period like bleed over a few days starting the day I got a positive but I was still pregnant.

willitbe Tue 10-Nov-15 23:59:55

Sorry to hear you are going through this. Firstly, please don't think you will be laughed at by the midwives, as unfortunately early miscarriages are very common, and they will understand.

Next as the previous poster has said, please do check that you have a negative test now (if you have not already) as bleeding in early pregnancy (break-through bleeding or implantation bleeding) are actually common in early pregnancy, and you need to know whether the pregnancy hormones have left your body yet.

I know it feels surreal in some ways to so quickly go from being pregnant to not being pregnant, but your hormones will be effected and you will understandably be feeling fragile from everything that has happened to you this year.

I know from experience, that sometimes the early pregnancy loss can feel emotionally worse, than the later pregnancy loss. There is no right way to grieve or right amount of grief allowed for a miscarriage, no matter how short a time that the pregnancy was with you. Please allow yourself to acknowledge this pregnancy, if denying it is hurting you. You are not a fraud, the feelings you have are real. Please take it easy on yourself, and allow yourself to morn the loss of this baby.

So sorry you are going through this.

Faybells Wed 11-Nov-15 07:42:16

I have woken up to find your kind messages - i cant thank you enough for all you have said. It helps such a great deal, thank you flowers. These boards really have been such a help through my last miscarriage and now.

It has really helped to acknowledge the pregnancy and now accept miscarriage for what it is. I have cried a lot yesterday and felt very sad. My OH is being incredibly supportive and feels as sad as me. And i have a good friend who is being wonderful. But the general response i am getting is that it is just a 'late period'. And 'well, it was very early'. And more comments about how unhelpful the early tests are. Which just makes me feel foolish. So i really do appreciate your words and support. Because i am heartbroken and so disappointed.

I have done a test and it was negative. There was maybe a very faint shadow of a line. But i would class it as negative. And i am having a very heavy bleed so pretty sure this is it. I contacted the epu who, as you said, did not laugh at me and were incredibly helpful and kind. They advised me to do another test in 2 weeks to be sure and if positive to go in for a scan. They also said if i fall pregnant again to call them and arrange a reassurance scan for 7-8 weeks, which was a relief to hear. I called the maternity referral line and told them to close my referral. They again were so lovely and helpful and kind. I was silly to worry.

Its lovely to hear things are going well for you twigs, i am so happy to hear of your pregnancy after your loss smile i am beginning to wonder if it will ever happen for me now. I admit im feeling bleak at the moment, but i feel perhaps im forcing something that is not meant to be? My sister even said that perhaps i should stop trying as it dosnt look like im ready yet. Another comment i have heard a lot, 'it will happen when you are ready'. But i DO feel ready. Except now i am scared for the future and beginning to wonder if there is a problem. But im trying to think about that too much!!

Thank you again, you really have been a wonderful help. Massive virtual hug to you all flowers

Sparkles83 Wed 11-Nov-15 08:54:10

I think there's a lot of matter of fact people out there who don't regard early pregnancy as a baby. My mum was the same so I don't really talk about it around her. I think it takes a while to recover from a loss and feel ready and prepared to try again. I have a daughter and I know that even though I'm hurting just now it will be so worth it if I have another successful pregnancy. Big hugs x

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