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Missed miscarriage

(13 Posts)
Grapefruit8 Tue 27-Oct-15 22:43:16

I wanted to post this on here as I have just suffered my first miscarriage and I feel that my GP did not prepare me for what was to come. I had looked through various threads on here but want to take the time to share my experience in the hope it helps any of you ladies with what to expect.
I was scanned at 8 weeks and all was fine, saw baby and heartbeat.
Then, I started bleeding last Tuesday (at 10&3). Not much, I would say it that it was more of a blood stained discharge. No pain, no cramps, nothing.
Had a scan on Wednesday which confirmed a missed miscarriage. Heartbeat had stopped some time previously but my body hadn't realised. Baby was only measuring 7&3 because they said when the heart stops the baby shrinks in on itself and looses some growth. (I hope that makes sense)
Doctor on Thursday morning advised me to wait it out and see if I miscarried naturally before looking at surgical options. Sure enough, GP was right and it all kicked off over the weekend. Bleeding got progressively worse and by Saturday night I was sat on the toilet literally dripping blood (I really do apologise for how graphic I am being but I honestly had no idea how much blood was involved) I stayed on the toilet for around an hour and was struggling with rhythmic cramps. At this point I honestly thought this was the worst of it. Things seemed to ease off and I managed to get some sleep.
Sunday came and I felt much brighter, made it out for a walk and I was a lot more comfortable. Then around tea time the cramps started again but ramped up quite considerably. Again I ended up sitting on the toilet because of the volume of blood, I didn't see the point in going to bed or getting on the sofa because I knew I was bound to make a mess. The cramps got worse and worse and my partner was holding me trying to comfort me. I was now crying out in pain when I suddenly felt pressure drop and then that was it. I knew it was over. The pain stopped immediately after I had passed the baby and sac. My partner checked because I was so worried and we knew straight away that was it. Believe me ladies, you will know. I have been scanned today at hospital and they have confirmed I have passed everything naturally. They said it was literally a textbook miscarriage. It's horrendous and I wouldnt wish it on anyone but I just hope this will reassure people that you can miscarry at home without the need for a frightening surgical intervention. the human body is a wonderful thing, and I am so glad I managed it naturally. Just make sure you have plenty of pads in, painkillers too and I found a hot water bottle helped massively. Go easy on yourself, nothing else matters at this time. Forget about work, put yourself first. Make sure you have support eg can your partner take time off to be with you? If not, do you have family nearby? I would hate to think of anyone going through this on their own. It is a difficult time but these things are sent to try us. If anyone has any questions I would be more than happy to try and help. Xx

SweetAdeline Tue 27-Oct-15 22:50:39

hi grapefruit I was on the same antenatal thread as you but have namechanged.
I also had a missed miscarriage (although as baby died between scans two days apart not missed for very long). I took the tablets to make me start miscarrying and didn't have very much blood at all (no more than a heavy period). I also only had a bit of discomfort. I woke in the night and passed a few large clots and some grey matter which might have been the sac? Since then the bleeding has been reasonably light (lighter than a period). I'm now worried that it wasn't everything and I'll need a d+c. My follow up scan isn't until next Tuesday.

Grapefruit8 Tue 27-Oct-15 22:55:45

Hello! I can't believe you have to wait until next week for a follow up, you poor thing. Is it really wrong of me to confess I still have a little look at that antenatal thread? I feel like I haven't come to terms with it all yet even though hearing the midwife say today that everything is clear. I know it's going to take me a significant amount of time and I really don't know how I feel about trying again at any point soon (ie within the next 12 months) How are you feeling x

PeppasNanna Tue 27-Oct-15 23:02:59

Op so sorry for your loss.

I had a mmc about 2 years ago. Went for my 12 week scan not suspecting anything...

I choose to have surgery. I had older dc. Needed to be there for the dc. No childcare etc.

For me the idea of miscarrying at home was more difficult then surgery.
I think many women have no idea of the reality of miscarriages due to the taboo of miscarriage.

Take care of

SweetAdeline Tue 27-Oct-15 23:04:58

I feel ok actually. I was expecting to feel more sad. I think Christmas will be hard because I was expecting to be pregnant then, and obviously the due date.
I haven't been back to the antenatal thread, (quite rightly) they've moved on to new topics of conversation and I find that hard. (I've also hidden all the pregnancy topics).

I don't know about trying again. At first I said not until some time next year after we emigrate. But in the last day or so we've talked about maybe trying again as soon as I have a period. It took us a year to conceive this pregnancy and by the time we got the bfp we were utterly fed up with it. If I could guarantee getting pregnant quickly I'd try again immediately.

I've forgotten if you have other DC? I think having two already has made it easier for me. I don't think I would be coping so well if TTC for the first time.

I'm glad you've got the all clear and know the worst (physically at least) is over.

Grapefruit8 Tue 27-Oct-15 23:09:51

I completely agree peppas the fact it's such a taboo means nobody discusses it and nobody knows what to expect.
I don't have any children, this was my first pregnancy. I had only come off the pill two months prior to falling pregnant, had one period then got my BFP. Partner has made his views very clear in that he wants to try again as soon as I feel upto it but I really can't envisage doing this hideous first trimester thing again, where nobody knows anything and you're on edge the whole time. Maybe I will feel differently in a few weeks or months...

SweetAdeline Tue 27-Oct-15 23:13:53

I would have quite liked the surgical option but they told me the wait would be over a week so I thought the tablets might give me a quicker resolution. I'm abroad and I feel like they handled the whole thing really badly. I had to wait 45mins in an empty scan room on my own for someone to give a second opinion. Then they needed to use that scan room so put me back in the regular waiting room. Then decided that was unfair on me so got me to stand in a corridor next to some staff lockers and finally found me a private area to sit and wait for dh. They gave me the tablets in a plastic bag with no information leaflet. Next week I have to go back to the regular scan area (and no doubt wait with all the pregnant women) for my follow up.

SweetAdeline Tue 27-Oct-15 23:17:05

I agree about the first trimester being grim. I know in terms of the whole 40 weeks, that 12 weeks doesn't seem that long but it's a few months of knowing and planning and worrying and then for it to come to nothing. sad

IssyStark Tue 27-Oct-15 23:39:31

Hi. I'm really sorry for your loss.

My first miscarriage was similar to yours in that it wasn't the 'heavy period' I was told to expect. All the medical staff I told about it afterwards didn't seem to believe me when I described it as mini-labour. Yet I had increasingly severe cramps (contractions) which blissfully stopped for a few minutes after there was an audible click from my body (DH heard it too) as the sac engaged. Then suddenly there was gushing and lumps falling out of me. I ended up in casualty as I was vomitting and unable to control my temperature while bleeding massively. And yet they tell you that that doesn't happen with first trimester miscarriages.

I've been in labour twice at term, and there's no way I would describe my first miscarriage as any other than labour.

Take care of yourself, and don't be surprised if you feel knocked for six when you get your next period. It can be very emotionally draining sad

IssyStark Tue 27-Oct-15 23:43:57

Re the not telling, I went from not telling, to telling and then to not telling over the course of my ten pregnancies. In the end I was fairly open with work colleagues and friends we saw so I would have support if needed but waited until after the 9w viability scan before telling either set of parents as dm and smile seemed to it as a personal slight every time I m/c as if I did it just to piss them off hmm

Hexenbeast Tue 27-Oct-15 23:44:47

I had 3 mmcs.

I went in with bleeding at 12 weeks (on my birthday) with the first one, to be told by the scandinavian doctor 'You are busy having a miscarriage.'
He gave me the option of the D&C op, but I didn't know what it meant and went home to have it happen naturally.
It was nasty. Painful and a lot of bleeding/clots. Urgh.

My second and third mmcs were picked up at the early scans and I was given the option and took it. The D&C was much quicker and easier to recover from. And my cycles got back to normal much quicker too.

I went on to have all the tests, which were inconclusive.

I then had bleeding with my 4th pregnancy, but at the scan they showed me an empty sac, but also the beating heart of my now 14 yo dd.

And I went on to have no prob having dd2.

Do take care, rest and look after yourself. It's emotionally and physically draining and it takes time to get back to normal.

Grapefruit8 Wed 28-Oct-15 17:00:32

Thanks hexen I am off work for another couple of weeks and fully intend to take it easy. I've been running errands today but tomorrow I don't plan on leaving the house, does you good to have a duvet day now and again doesn't it?!

Brenna24 Mon 02-Nov-15 01:16:30

Hi all. I was on the same antenatal thread as grapefruit and SweetAdeline.

Much the same story for me as Grapefruit. Bleed at 6+6, scanned and lovely heartbeat. Baby good size. Scanned again 7+6 when we got back to the UK. 7+6. Baby grown well and measuring exactly 7+6. Heartbeat. Bleed and scan at 10+1. No heartbeat and baby measuring 7+3. Miscarried at 11+3. We have named him or her Rowan and got them cremated last monday. We got the ashes back on friday and will take them to Italy to my OH's family plot next time we are over.

Meantime my bro and SIL are pregnant. We were supposed to be spending our maternity leaves meeting up. And tonight my niece messaged me to say she is pregnant too and would be due about 2 months after I would have been. I am not doing well tonight. I spent an hour sitting with Rowans ashes in my arms crying. My baby will never play with their cousins, get a real cuddle from me or go to school. I am so happy for my niece but I really wish I was still sharing all the joys and fears with them all.

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