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(8 Posts)
shelby123xx Thu 23-Jul-15 04:22:56

I recently got told I had a miscarriage at 10+2.5 weeks and at 3:55am I passed a little red bubble with what looked like a fetus inside of had a black dot on the head and a tail and I feel so sick and guilty that I looked I'm just so sick and scared..I can't believe I saw it I didn't know what to do I sat with it in a tissue. to be honest I don't know what was going on it was a beautiful yet morbid moment I feel awful I didn't know what to do with it and I flushed it in the tissue,does that make me an awful person? I feel so guilty I don't know whether I should have kept it and out it somewhere or gave it to someone I wouldn't have been able to bury it..I feel at the lowest point of my life this is so difficult. can someone please help me through this? I really don't want any abuse about what I did..I don't know what I was doing felt like I was dreaming..

Faybells Thu 23-Jul-15 07:15:18

I am so sorry for your loss and for what happened. I think that it happens to many many women who miscarry at home. I miscarried 2 weeks ago at 11 weeks pregnant. I was passing large clots and every time i tried desperately to see my baby amongst them in the toilet - but i could not...and i was convinced each time i was flushing it away. It is an awful awful feeling. I never saw my baby.

I would try not to feel so such an intense and horrible moment....what can we do? What options do we have? It is too much to bare and process at the time.

Please know there is support out there to talk through your feelings about whay happened. Contact the miscarriage support helpline. Im sure they will help discuss things with you. I have found talking about it all to be extremely cathertic and helpful.

I am trying to figure out how to commemorate my baby somehow....a plant, or a piece of jewellery. I am not sure but i think i need to do something to make its presence felt in my life.

I send a huge hug. Please forgive yourself and dont feel guilty. You are not the only one to have had to do what you did. And you are not alone. Xxx

shelby123xx Fri 24-Jul-15 02:04:25

thank you so much for replying,I am incredibly sorry for your loss,I do hope your feeling okay and the pain hasn't gotten too much,lords knows it's getting too me. I'm so grateful to have been pregnant but it was just never meant to's so difficult I split with my partner before I found out I was pregnant so what I did experience in my short time being pregnant and my miscarriage I was alone and I feel like I should do something to remember him/her by..I think I may get myself a necklace or a bracelet,something to keep so we have the same thing in mind,I mentioned getting something like that to my friend and she kind of looked at me asif I was stupid kind of 'it was never here' kind of speech she gave me did not help whatsoever. I don't know anybody who knows how I feel,I held my small tiny baby in my hands in a piece of toilet tissue and it will stay with me for the rest of my life and I can't help but think what they would have looked like or have been like but this is somehow my fault? I feel like I did something wrong throughout my pregnancy,maybe took my vitamins a bit too late after I found out or something? I'm grieving and nobody understands why I feel the need to because most people around me said it was a grown living baby yet..feel so alone. Xxx

elephantoverthehill Fri 24-Jul-15 02:21:55

Shelby this has happened to me also. I saw it and put my hand into the toilet and looked at the being, the same as you perhaps. The one thing that gave me a bit of strength was to know that my mum and her generation and those before had this happen often. Women are strong and you will be, but allow yourself time to mourn.

cruikshank Fri 24-Jul-15 02:32:23

Oh you poor dear thing you are not alone. I know that you feel like it now, but there are millions, literally millions, of women in the world who have gone through this - and that's not to say that it's nothing, but just to say that so many of us have been there and your experience is our shared experience. There's no 'right' or 'wrong' way of dealing with it - you just do what you have to do, and if that was the right thing for you then it still remains right, because that is what you did. You were frightened, you were scared, you didn't know what to do - if a friend had told you about what you had gone through and then said she was in the wrong, would you agree with her? Of course not. So please don't judge yourself more harshly than you would even a stranger on the street and please don't beat yourself up about it when the most important thing is that you find a way through it, and fundamental to that is being kind to yourself.

You might find that you need to mark your loss somehow - it doesn't need to be a big gesture. Or you might find that the easiest way is to hold the memory in your heart. Whatever you do is right for you - I can't stress that enough and I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm repeating myself but there really is no roadmap for grief - we all deal with it in different ways. Maybe your friend hasn't experienced this, or maybe she has and dealt with it in her own way, but you have a total and absolute licence to carve your own path and you don't have to explain it to anyone else. flowers for you and I am sorry for your loss.

BumWad Fri 24-Jul-15 02:35:26

I am so sorry for your loss. You are definitely not a bad person for looking!! Don't be so hard In yourself flowers

shelby123xx Fri 24-Jul-15 13:32:51

thank you all so much for replying,I'm sorry for any losses anyone may have myself time is something I should be doing,I am a strong person and I will get through this..I should be okay eventually it will take me some time but it is a memory that will stay in my heart forever,because it was the day I laid eyes on my first child. it was a sad yet precious moment and will not be forgotten in a hurry. Life gets easier and I hope that when I'm ready again,I'll go on to have a healthy and beautiful pregnancy and my little beauty that I lost will come back and I'll hear their heartbeat once again. thank you all honestly,so grateful to know that everyone is not so judgingflowers

Brummiegirl15 Fri 24-Jul-15 14:45:16

Hi Shelby I'm so sorry for your losses and what you are going through.

I've had 3 mc's and had surgery for mine rather than pass naturally and sometimes I feel guilty for allowing my baby to be taken away by the hospital and disposed of.

But I had to do what was right for me and for me it was closing my eyes and it all being over.

There is no right or wrong way of dealing with miscarriage. It's so personal - but you absolutely need to do what is right for you flowers

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